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r0ckyreed

Struggling With My Life Purpose

3 posts in this topic

Hello.  Thank you for your time reading this.  I sincerely appreciate any feedback, support, guidance, and wisdom you have to offer!

So I took the Life Purpose course back last December 2021, and I thought it was wonderful.  I just think that my values and priorities have really changed, and I have realized that the profession I am in does not seem to be making my heart sing.  I realize that my conceptions of what the profession was is not how it actually is in real life.  I am struggling with some difficult decision.  Let me give you some more concise details:

Personal Background Overview

I am 24 years old, and I graduated with a bachelor's of science in psychology in 2020.  I am currently attending a Mental Health Counseling program because my passions and life purpose were to heal people through existential therapy.  I am going for my Master's in Mental Health Counseling, and I am almost done with the program and obtaining my Master's of Science degree in Mental Health Counseling.  I am expected to graduate in May 2022.  I have lived on my 5 acres of land in the same household with my parents and sister.  The reason why I still live at home is because it is comfortable, I save a lot of money living at home, my friends and sister are extremely supportive of me, and I have access to nature, a hot tub, my room, my video games, etc.  If I move away, I would have to adjust to new environment and not access to many of the privileges I have had.

History:

I grew up very privileged and isolated from the world's issues.  I had (and still have to a point) extreme optimism based on my experiences of growing up in a healthy environment to parents who took care of me and made me aware of the realities of drugs, gangs, bad guys, sex, etc. from a young age.  However, I was never exposed to any of the "negative" aspects of life.

I spent my childhood playing tennis extremely competitively.  I played from 4th grade - 12th grade.  I played trumpet and was extremely competitive as well.  I played trumpet from 6th grade until freshman year of college. I played chess and did magic tricks.  I really loved magic tricks and started doing that in high school and early college.  I performed magic for my school and won the talent show there.  I also performed tennis tournaments around the country, placing in the top 3 in my State (Oklahoma) in my senior year of high school.  I also achieved 3rd chair in the State Orchestra for Trumpet (3rd place).  But now, I do all the "competitive stuff" (chess, magic, trumpet, tennis) for fun and here is why:

The college that I went to, I was not good enough to make the team, as they accepted mainly foreigners, etc.  My college was/is Division I, so it was highly competitive.  Since I started tennis at an older age than most who are competitive, I was not good enough to make the team.  I also realized that I was using magic tricks as a way to overcome my Asperger's Syndrome in talking and communicating with others. I found that I was shy and did not know how to socialize with others, so I did magic tricks to help me make friends in high school.  It worked out well, but since I took Eastern Philosophy, I have focused more inwardly and less outwardly and became more of an introvert.  I stopped doing magic tricks because I became tired of pleasing people, and I just wanted people to know me for me and not for my tricks and abilities. 

I entered college pursuing a music major in Trumpet Performance. However, college was so stressful in general with all the assignments/work, and the music program was so strict and workload heavy that it took the fun and play out of music.  I was "working" music rather than "playing" music.  I realized that a career playing the trumpet was very unlikely for me.  My gut feeling/intuition was telling me to get out of the music program, and so I did.  

I switched majors from music performance to psychology, and I eventually switched to a minor in philosophy after extremely loving my philosophy classes that I took!  I became so passionate about philosophy, and this was when I discovered actualized.org when I was searching the web on stuff about free will, physicalism, skepticism, etc.  Philosophy is still my number 1 passion in life, and I felt like I began to think for the first time in my life when I took the intro to philosophy.  I majored in psychology because I was fascinated by the human mind and behavior, but it was also because I felt like it was harder to get actual jobs as a philosophy major as opposed to being a philosophy major (I felt like more doors were open with psychology major).  So throughout college I took psychology and philosophy classes.  

Current Situation:

I graduated with a psychology degree and minor in philosophy, and I decided to pursue the mental health counseling field (in part because my mom is a professional counselor, but also because I really was passionate about helping people to self-actualize and gain higher levels of wisdom and personal growth), but I realize that a lot of my clients that I see are not ready to self-actualize because of the lower needs not being met.  The first part half of the program was focused on theories and knowledge of counseling.  This part was very exciting to me because it focused on the philosophy of counseling, which I was/am very passionate about philosophy so this part was a breeze.  

However, I had my first doubts at the end of my 3rd semester, half-way through the program, when I realized how divided the counseling field is, and all the requirements to get licensed, and the expectations of being a counselor.  It was very intimidating, and I thought about pursuing a career in Life Coaching instead.  This was the time where I took the Life Purpose Course to determine if this was my Life's Purpose, to see if I was on track.

I took the course, and it confirmed my beliefs and values at the time that I am passionate about philosophy and personal-development.  The medium I chose was existential/adventure therapy, to philosophically converse with clients and also exposing them to challenges in nature to use nature as part of the healing and growing process of overcoming fears, challenges, etc., while also philosophically diving into the existential domains of clients' lives of what makes them who they are, who they want to be, and what they want, etc.  I still deeply value philosophy and personal-development, but I am unsure of the medium, career/profession that suits my values.  I have noticed some changes in my top 10 values btw.

Since I have started to actually have some practical experience of seeing and working with clients, I have been stuck in a rut.  On the one hand, I believe counseling is one of the most meaningful contributions I can make to society and the individuals, but I also feel that my actual, practical experience is not aligned with the top of the top values on my list.  I feel like I make contributions and help, but I feel like my soul is not into it anymore.  It may sound selfish/self-centered of me, but I want more adventure and see the world and not be stuck in an office.  I mean if I will be spending most of my time working, I would rather be spending it outside in nature exploring and having adventures, etc.  I also feel like I spend my times in an office indoors, but I also spend my time working with people with toxic and negative backgrounds and personalities.  I find it difficult to visualize myself doing this long-term.  I do not want to spend most of my life listening to problems.  My ideal is to spend most of my time teaching and giving guidance on solutions, but this is not how therapy works as I have learned.  I have to be emotionally supportive and involved in therapy, which can be very emotionally draining.

My issue is that I am not sure if I sure if I should push and grind through to get my degree, and then evaluate my options from there or if I should drop it cold-turkey and try to find some adventurous job in nature or something like that. Another issue is that Adventure Therapy sounds like it would be a mode of therapy that may suit me better than traditional talk-therapy (but again, I am not sure if this is another moment of careers looking better in my head than in reality).  This issue with Adventure Therapy is that most universities and master's programs do not offer that form of therapy because it is newer to the field, but also because it is different than traditional counseling.  If I got my Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling, then I could be in a better position to become an Adventure Therapist, as there may be certifications and other things I may need to know about such as First Aid, ropes/climbing courses, and some actual classes on adventure therapy, which I do not anticipate being difficult for me to obtain. I think if I just grind through it, I will have more options available for me, and I may have more credibility with having a Master's degree.

I appreciate your time. I will post my old ME Sheet, along with my updated top 10 values.  I may consider retaking the Life Purpose Course, as I think it is possible that I my values may have changed or I may have took the course with biases to confirm my career.  I think I just realize from the practical experience that talk-therapy may not just be it for me for long-term living.  There may be others modalities and options within the field such as Adventure Therapy that I have not tried out yet but doing so, I would have to finish out the next two semesters.  Thank you!

My Old ME Sheet:

Top 10 Values:

1. Spirituality/Philosophy/Personal Development

2. Creativity

3. Ambition

4. Freedom

5. Authenticity

6. Advocacy

7. Health

8. Mindfulness

9. Playfulness

10. Courage

Life Purpose:

To use my wisdom to help others thrive and to advocate for social justice.

Zone of Genius:

- philosophical thinking/wisdom

- compassion/empathy

Top 5 Strengths:

1. Creativity

2. Love of Learning

3. Hope, optimism, future-mindedness

4. Perspective Wisdom

5. Judgment, critical thinking, openmindedness

Domain of Mastery:

- personal/spiritual development

Ideal Medium:

- Existential Therapy, Adventure Therapy, Telehealth Therapy

Top 5 goals:

1. Deepen wisdom of personal development

2. attain enlightenment

3. private practice

4. make 6 figure income

5. advocate for mental health and social justice

_______________________________________________________________

My New Top 10 Values:

1. Wisdom

2. Adventure/Freedom

3. Mastery

4. Passion/Ambition/Excitement

5. Authenticity

6. Compassion

7. Creativity

8. Fortitude

9. Playfulness

10. Serenity/Tranquility

 

Thanks for reading and your time as always!! :D

Edited by r0ckyreed

Meditation is a lifestyle of developing a calm state of mind WHILE engaging in one’s ambitions!

Counting your breaths, chanting a mantra, and the rest of it is all ratshit and a complete waste of time. What is stopping you from meditating WHILE working on your life purpose?

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I didn’t read your entire post.

I thought about working in wilderness therapy but apearently a good portion of the kids don’t want to be there.

if my life purpose was in therapeutics I would only hold that job as a start, at best. 
dream big and something you’re really into. 


A Call to Live Differently: https://angeloderosa.com

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23 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

 

I didn’t read your entire post.

I thought about working in wilderness therapy but apearently a good portion of the kids don’t want to be there.

if my life purpose was in therapeutics I would only hold that job as a start, at best. 
dream big and something you’re really into. 

 

Thank you so much for your response! 
 

That is really interesting that a lot of the kids don’t want to do Wilderness Therapy.

I am exploring my options. I think I definitely would like to be a writer and an author because I think it is one of my strengths, and it is something that I enjoy, but it is a skill that I find difficulty in monetizing. 
 

I am still giving counseling a chance because I do like sharing my wisdom and helping my clients find and share their wisdom in session. It is really amazing to hear when they have breakthroughs but having breakthroughs is rare in therapy. My biggest issue with the counseling field is that it is so divisive, and politics and legislation shape that field more than I realized. But maybe having my own private practice or wilderness therapy program could be an alternative for me to explore.

Thank you! 


Meditation is a lifestyle of developing a calm state of mind WHILE engaging in one’s ambitions!

Counting your breaths, chanting a mantra, and the rest of it is all ratshit and a complete waste of time. What is stopping you from meditating WHILE working on your life purpose?

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