Profound experience of love. How to integrate?

[jaketaussig]

I don't know where to start with this.. but I found Leo's channel about a month ago at a time where my life felt rather meaningless. Everything was going well for me as far as most people would be concerned, but I've felt for a while that something was missing, and that I had no true life purpose. I've been watching Leo's videos daily, and I decided to make it my main purpose to develop and "actualize" myself. I'm not perfect, but I have been trying my best to implement what Leo has been saying. I've started doing the satisfaction meditation daily, and have been doing some contemplation with a notebook as well. I also started reading 40 days to a joy filled life a few days ago and have been doing the exercises and keeping those lessons in my head through out the day. Through out most of my life I've been very critical of myself. Always focused on the negatives and beating myself up. Last night was my birthday, and I had a very profound experience before I went to sleep. Not everything went according to plan, my friend flaked on the plans we had made, and I tried to invite some girls next door over(I'm on a college campus) and it didn't work out. However I didn't allow any of this to let me feel bad as I would have in the past. I focused on the positives and had a great time with my roommates. Before I went to my bed, my friend gave me a big hit of weed, and I got really high as I hadn't smoked in a while. As I was laying there in bed, a profound feeling of love and joy swept through my entire body like I have never felt before in my life. This felt like the first time in my life that I've truly loved myself, all aspects of myself, and have truly been happy. I felt an immense amount of love towards myself, my family, and just everything in my life. It was amazing, I started crying. This was the best birthday present I could have asked for. Previously I had written off the notion of spirituality, but this experience made me rethink that. It was as if everything lined up perfectly and my prayers had been answered. I had made a birthday wish to have a great year and great birthday, and I had done an exercise that day where I prayed to the universe asking it to show me how to progress. I haven't been able to truly embody this feeling I had as I am writing this the next day, but I feel a lot better about myself and a lot less critical, my life seems to have a softer tone to it. At the moment, I'm able to tap into a lesser version of this experience at will. My question is, how do I make sure I don't lose touch with this feeling and how do I go about deeply integrating this insight into my life? After having this experience I am more motivated than ever to follow this path of self-actualization. I will continue to do what I'm doing, but any tips would be appreciated. I'm also interested in trying out 5meo dmt. If anyone has advice on where I should get this / how I should take it I'm open to it. I've found a 1ml 5meo dmt deadhead chemist cartridge for sale online, would this be a good way to take it? Thank you Leo for all you have done. I love you and everyone on this forum, and I wish the best for you all on your journeys. Also, Leo if you happen to respond to this I am curious... is this one of the facets of enlightenment you have experienced, would you consider this a mystical experience? I remember watching your video about how the universe is love and everything is love and I feel like I understand that now, or at least I've gotten a taste of it. 

[Leo Gura]

Maybe you got a tiny taste.

Keep doing the work. It gets better.

[noticeom]

It gets WAY better. That's not enlightenment though. What makes enlightenment enlightenment is self realization. In Zen they say if there was no becoming then it wasn't enlightenment. So keep digging. Sounds like a nice experience though.

As for integration. Don't try to hold onto it. Let it go. Spirituality isn't about feeling good all the time. That just won't happen. Learn to ride the wave of life. Accept what comes, and let it go. If you're constantly chasing the "spiritual highs" spirituality turn into something like a drug addiction, and you'll drive yourself crazy.

[Loving Radiance]

16 hours ago, jaketaussig said:

As I was laying there in bed, a profound feeling of love and joy swept through my entire body like I have never felt before in my life. This felt like the first time in my life that I've truly loved myself, all aspects of myself, and have truly been happy. I felt an immense amount of love towards myself, my family, and just everything in my life. It was amazing, I started crying. This was the best birthday present I could have asked for. Previously I had written off the notion of spirituality, but this experience made me rethink that. It was as if everything lined up perfectly and my prayers had been answered. I had made a birthday wish to have a great year and great birthday, and I had done an exercise that day where I prayed to the universe asking it to show me how to progress.

For me it comes during shamanic breathing when I focus on surrendering to love which is imagined to be manifesting this moment Plus there are intense shivers of healing energy when it is imagined & felt that water of a cold forest river touches me and flows from the top of my head down the spine. Pure ecstacy. Huge release.

Integrate it through contemplating its impact on your life. If love would flow through your veins, how would your life be impacted? Listen to the silence that opens up when you ask yourself this question. There may or may not arise something from that depth (for me it usually does and if not, it does so at a later point).

Integrate it by connecting to this feeling everyday first thing in the morning, even if it feels somewhat lesser. I mean, holy fuck there's nothing more inspirational out there isn't it?

[jaketaussig]

@Loving Radiance Awesome, yeah there really is nothing more inspirational. Ever since I had that experience it's like all my insecurities just melted away and don't matter nearly as much. Thanks for the advice! I will start doing that in the morning, I've found that when I meditate and do work like this first thing it makes a much better impact through out my day. Also I just read up on shamanic breathing techniques and it's really interesting, any technique you'd recommend for a beginner?  

[Loving Radiance]

3 hours ago, jaketaussig said:

any technique you'd recommend for a beginner?

There's nothing better than just trying it out because you feel what works for you and what not. Body awareness is good for that.

When you are new to it you can breathe less intense, so you can start by easing into it. Search for good breathing music like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRe3GUaw1iU and take deep breaths that start in your belly and end in the very top of your lung. Fill every volume. On the out breath release any tension that was there when you took in every bit of air. Let go. Breathing out is happening automatically. Make it circular: When one complete breath ended then begin immediately with breathing into the belly.

Take it slow. It is okay to feel a bit light-headed in the beginning. After time when you feel ready begin to increase the speed in taking these deep breaths. Play breathing with the rhythm of the music. Remember to take in every bit of air and then to let go of that volume when breathing out. If the rhythm is too fast for a complete breath then you can breathe in faster and cut short the out breath.

IME, what happens often is cramping of the hands (tetany), exhaustion in the belly muscles from the unusually strong breathing and emotional release. Tetany can be painful, if the CO2 levels in the blood go too low, so when it appears you can slow down or stop breathing till it disappears. Exhaustion of the muscles is also treated with slowing down or stopping. Strong energetic appearances and emotional release can be witnessed and felt - breathwork usually stops automatically, but you can continue, if it feels right. You can stop at any time when it feels right for you. Trust your body that it tells you when it is enough.

Btw, welcome to the forum