My Insecurities

[Preety_India]

I need to start targeting my insecurities.

 I am looking for something.

Or I act out in ways that might not be normal.

Again ....acting in these ways as a result of an underlying sentiment is just another form of insecurity nicely covered and taped shut.

 

[Preety_India]

2 Ways of targeting these insecurities

• One is to expose them and be upfront about them 
• Do shadow work

 

 

[Preety_India]

My Number 1 insecurity

Loneliness

This is my number 1 insecurity.

I feel lonely an awful lot.

There has got to be something going on inside of me that is causing me to feel so incredibly lonely 

This loneliness could be an inherent thing that's causing me to act out in abnormal ways without realising it.

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm crying so much right now because this is so hard.

 

[Preety_India]

This is the hardest thing to do.

 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel like crying an awful lot.

 

 

Just letting it all out. It's too hard on me

 

 

 

Just confronting all my insecurities. This is the hardest thing to do.

It is making me so emotional because I'm directly touching each of my wounds.

 

[Preety_India]

So yea where does this come from ?

Where do these thoughts and feelings come from ?

 

[Preety_India]

Is there something that I'm deeply looking for and I don't find it ?

Should I shame myself for it ?

 

[Preety_India]

There's suddenly so much growth happening for me.

I have opened a bunch of threads in the dating section and each one of them is directly exposing my insecurities.

This is awesome.

I'm on a roll.

It's like I'm exposing myself.

And the more I do this with courage to be vulnerable the better it gets.

 

[Preety_India]

Shaming myself or being shamed by others will never help because that doesn't solve the problem, it only prevents it from being opened up about

Which is basically putting a lid on it.

 

This is like a violent process but I have to go through this to emerge out stronger better.

 

[Preety_India]

My list of Insecurities

 

• A deep need for sex
• Feeling a certain emptiness in the middle of my chest, right in the centre, I can almost feel it physically. It gives the "my heart is sinking" kind of feeling
• Am I using sex as a way to fill some need 
• Underlying issues ....need to introspect on this.
• Feeling desperate and needy 
• Getting quickly attached 
• Addicted to drama 
• Acting in exploitative ways 
• Allowing others to take advantage of me 
• My weakness becoming an addiction 
• My weakness making the other person become predatory towards me 
• My weakness of being addicted to attention from someone who claims to love me 
• My attention seeking or wanting from this person turning into a trap of this person blackmailing me and punishing him when I don't beg enough. Not giving me space to be independent
• Lots of attachments - desperation, lack of boundaries, neediness, low self esteem, need to fill void, unconscious behaviours, feeding on drama, starting up shit, underlying reasons causing or creating unnecessary behaviors , attention seeking, giving entertainment to others , allowing myself to be used in return for attention, feeling deprived, psychological addictions, Emotional addictions, love addictions, feeling unworthy, inadequate, unloved or undeserving of love
• Self destruction, self harm and cutting, self punishment, self torture and self degradation
•  

[Preety_India]

On the other hand, my manipulative behaviour could also be a sign of my underlying Insecurities.

 

[Preety_India]

The other Insecurities I see in myself. Opening the whole can of worms lol like Pandora's box.

• Acting immature
• Acting in provocative ways 
• Feeling deprived
• Excessively seeking comfort
• Wanting too much love all the time
• Not being able to act selfish
• Self abandonment, no self preservation, lack of self love.
• No respect for self 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 28, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The other two that come to my mind are 

• Acting overly dramatic
• Acting in histrionic ways

 

 

[Preety_India]

Someone just sent me a message in pm  and this is probably the best message I ever received.

 

sorry sweetheart (saying that in a friendly way) i was a bit upfront. i feel like i’m konfrontier you with what i myself have also gone through a bit - emotional dependence to people and love is not sth bad, and you definitely are a wonderful person don’t let your ego get ahead of your selfishness. be selfish with getting more independent.

you still get a lot of love! i really really like you! if not i would not have reacted to the accountability part. 

please don’t think i want to hurt you by confronting you. i really would prefer giving you perspectives! i also cried so much and somehow when i got thrown out i was in so much rage upfront - i sense you are going through a tough time.

 

 

[Preety_India]

I will gladly receive a kick in my butt I'd it is out of love.

Love is what I wanted.

Also that person can almost read me word to word.

 

[Preety_India]

 

What will happen if a man was able to expose my game and read me word to word 

-i would be simply dumbfounded. It will be his Gotcha moment. I can play cat and mouse only for so long. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I always dreamt of a Stage Red guy riding a horse and carrying a whip to discipline me.

Sexing me up to make me his queen 

 

Umm. Well that's not gonna happen.

 

 

[Preety_India]

Some people were especially kind to me

 

Especially those who messaged me. Thank you for reaching out. 

 

Journal reading is also a skill. If you are reading my journal, you're actually reading my psyche. Is my journal confusing to you ? That's because my psyche is malformed. This is me unapologetic. 

 

[Preety_India]

I need to dissect each and every insecurity and study their root causes and remove or heal them one by one