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Preety_India

What kind of people I get along with

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This topic has always been a huge challenge for me because most people perceive my directness negatively.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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The kind of people that I generally get along really well with are 

  • Very intelligent (generally noticed this. People low on IQ get frustrated with me)
  • People high on Intuition
  • People who are generally drama free
  • People who are sensitive
  • People who are understanding (so I don't have to explain too much plus less misunderstandings)
  • People who are caring ( this can be good as well as bad)
  • Very open to conversation (closed off people can never get along with. I like being confrontational.
  • People who are direct. They relate to my directness much more easily than the rest
  • People who are less judgemental
  • People who have a lot of patience with me..this is important because my true nature always shows up as time goes by. Those who are impatient are going to have quick judgements.
  • Those who are very chatty

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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So I'll select some key traits that I need to look out for while interacting with people for better compatibility.

  • Highly intelligent (the biggest trait that helps me get along with people, on an average most people I have interacted with all my life, the people who showed highest potential for a lasting friendship/relationship with me  or a marathon of conversations or communication were people very high on the IQ ) People with lower intelligence both IQ and EQ became easily judgemental and dismissive of me. I noticed that they would make flippant statements or dismiss me for flippant reasons. They would be stuck in biases about me but not open enough to elaborate or communicate. Also their opinions would reflect a general lack of intelligence because they cannot go too far or too deep in a conversation or are unable to understand complex thoughts. They stick to simple ideologies and cannot think further than a fixed stagnant mode of thinking. 
  • Patience. I saw that I tend to get moody or my nature is such that I hide a lot about myself. This is my introversion. I keep a lot to myself majority of the time. I tend to close off which can frustrate the other person. This is something that I struggled with since my childhood and this introversion doesn't escape me. So if someone invites me to a party I reject. I like thoughtful deep conversations. I open up only if the person is sitting on my bed next to me. In essence the person needs to be intimate with me in order to get to know me better or else zero chance. This means the person has to be extremely patient to reach a point of mutual understanding with me. If they are impatient with me, either I let go or they let go.
  • People who are uncannily quite chatty. I found that people who are very chatty love to dig into my introverted nature. The more they keep chasing me,the more my sense of fear is broken down one peel of the onion at a time and then I feel like I can stop being mysterious around such people. My lasting friendships have been with people who never gave up chasing me. I have an escapist social nature and that is fueled by my social anxiety and introversion. That means I keep running to the hills till someone grabs me and pins me down. Chatty people tend to have a grip on me because they tend to create a polarity with me. I'm quite, reserved and introverted whereas they are always trying to stir up a conversation against my wish. This tends to break my boundaries and makes me speak up even if there is internal resistance and strong temptation to go back to my cave..if a person keeps forcing me to talk, after some obstinacy, I'm going to give up and relent and I tend to be submissive to chatty people because of the polarity they generate against my introversion. Now that they have nailed me down after a constant chase, I give up running away and this tends to create an intense magnetism that I can't resist. I have to give up my resistance and become friends with them 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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The last point above is very important because almost all of my boyfriends were extreme chatty and I was generally the listener in the relationship.

 

There were times when my only response in the whole conversation with my boyfriend (ex) was just a single word "yes" and absolutely nothing from my end. Whereas his conversation would be a 20 minutes talk. 

I don't know

 Guys who used to get very chatty(chatty chaser )  with me were extremely irresistible in my eyes because they would totally dig out my whole inner self so badly that there was no escape from them and that process would make me feel like they have conquered me completely

 

In essence the kind of guys I'm usually attracted to is a complex combination of a "Savior", "Conquerer"  "Supporter" and "Dominator"

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Sometimes I get along with people, I mean just their personality but not their opinions per se.

Sometimes I get along with a person's opinion but not so much with their personality.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Over the last year, I have toned down my defensiveness significantly.

I don't like to portray myself as a sweet person because I find that pretentious 

So I kinda get a bit thorny.

I can be a bit Funny too, especially self deprecating humour.

My straight shooter personality can cause people to move away from me.

But I don't want to change who I am at my core. Because that's not my goal, that would be like people pleasing or giving into peer pressure.

I don't want that.

I don't want to lose who I am in order to fit into people.

So even if I lose friends, it's a price I'm ready to pay for Being Myself.

 

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Annoying things about me

One thing that people generally get frustrated with me about is my Obstinacy.

I'm quite obstinate.

I just can't be shaken. 

Although I can be submissive, my submissive nature only kicks in when I see that the person who is talking to me is quite friendly and has been quite close to me for a long time, this knowledge loosens me up a bit and I eventually submit.

I show more resistance if my connection with the other person is casual or flippant or if they are random strangers.

So to strangers I might appear hard to tame and unusually obstinate but to a close friend or homebody (example a boyfriend) I can be incredibly submissive and soft 

It's like I turn into a totally different person in an intimate setting.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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