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Preety_India

What makes me happy!

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Writing stuff that makes me happy? 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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5 things 

 

  1. You 
  2. Your life 
  3. Your environment 
  4. Your ecosystem 
  5. God and universe 

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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I lost all my entries. What the heck

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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OK I lost a lot of entries in this journal 

 

I'm trying to remember but I can't. 

I restored some entries in the other journal but not all. 

 

Sucks? 

 

Anyway. 

I think I said some songs make me happy 

I was talking about this guy. 

And some stuff related to him. 

 

 

 


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Focus on 

  • . Meaningful conversations
  • . Meaningful intentions 
  • Meaningful relationships 
  • . Meaningful use of consciousness 
  • Meaningful expansion of consciousness 

  • . Be conscious in this moment 
  • . Be aware in this moment 
  • .
  •  

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About this guy 

  • I thought he would take me to visit his family 
  • When he would come to help my family stuff. Come to work with us. 
  • I thought he was living alone in some kind of an old decrepit house.. castle type houses 
  • Or maybe he is in rehab. Hehe 
  • Or maybe he is manipulative... Dirty tricks
  • Or he is just very hot tempered angry violent. 
  • Or a long lost friend from another time. 

 

 


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And I remember saying how he would look at me like an angel sometimes and sometimes like a vicious snake. 

 


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These days I'm a bit happier than usual 

I think the secret is this guy I came across recently who talks to me whenever I'm free. 

He is too cute and very flirty 

 

I like talking to him. 

He is very sharp. 

I don't have to explain him much and he can almost read my mind. 

Someday I want to meet him. 

 


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Although he is a bit short, not shorter than me, just slightly taller than me. 

But he is kinda quirky and clever. 

Hehe.. He always makes me laugh in the middle of a conversation 

I almost feel giddy as a silly girl at the end of our conversations. 

 


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Yep. 

He can be an angel. He can be a snake. 

And I'm thinking of Shiva, the true lover of all. The true human in God form. 

 

Should I fall in love with God or should I fall in love with a vampire? 

Who is true and who is false? 

 

 


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With Shiva there is a true soul connection even if there is no seduction. 

With the vampire there is seduction but no soul connection. 

 


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Of course I have to fall in love with Shiva. That's not necessarily primal but it's spiritual. 

I will call it Shaivyath or the potential to be like Shiva. 

 


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So the struggle here is between spiritual and primal. 

Between God and the Beast. 

Between truth and falsehood 

 

Between real and pretense. 

 


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Can something pretentious be good? 

 

Can something primal be good? 

 

Can something attractive be good? 

 

It's a huge struggle inside of me. 

 

Where is peace? 

Is peace in true love or in fake love? 

 

Sometimes pretentious things look good. 

Those things are seductive 

But is seduction spiritual? 

Is seduction emotional? 

Or is seduction empty and useless? 

 

 

 

 

Seduction can be like a drug. 

 

Are drugs spiritual? 

 


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Both soul and seduction carry equal energy. 

This is the Crux of the problem.. 

 

Seduction is like hypnosis and can be very intense to the point of delirium. 

 

But the spirit carries equal energy. 

 

 

Who wins in the end is the real question? Spirit or seduction? 

 

Was the seduction an illusion? 

Or was it an innocent self delusion?

 

This is an object of mystery. 

You can never know. 

 

Is seduction born out of pure innocence? 

 

What if seduction and spirit combines? Will it be like fire? 

 

I think seduction can be compared to fire

 

And spirit can be compared to air or water. 

 

 

 

Air and Fire.

Or Water and Fire. 

 

 


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But aren't we attracted to fire? 

Because fire is glamorous. It dazzles the senses. 

But is it only senses? 

Or does it touch something deeper? 

And why shouldn't senses matter? 

 

 


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I think actions speak louder than words and touch deeper than heart. 

I think there is a spiritual element to seduction as well. 

True seduction is a miracle. It is a feat.. It's a connection. 

It can't come out of nowhere. 

 

There's a sensual connection. 

Don't the senses pacify the spirit as well? 

 

No true seduction can ever be free from or devoid of emotion 

 

Emotion is needed for seduction. The heart is beating somewhere 

Two hearts beat as one. And that's why the seduction basically happens. It won't happen otherwise 

There's a reason why it creates a sensation of butterflies in the heart. 

 

On one hand there is seduction

 

On the other hand there is soul. 

 

On one hand there is the reptilian brain 

On the other hand there is a spiritual brain

 

 

On one hand there is a root and sacral Chakra 

On the other hand there is the crown Chakra 

 

This is a dilemma 

 

 

 

 

 


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One is a spell and the other is a prayer.

 

What should be done here? 

 

If they combine together, it will be Volcanic. 

 

Pure madness. 

 

I'll call this seduction Vaishaivya. 

 

But this can be devoid of Shiva. 

I'll say that Shiva is separate from his snake. 

And eventually Shiva wins and the Snake has to accept defeat. 

The snake is only tamed by Shiva

 

Although the Snake or Naga is no less tempting 

 

But this seduction can easily weaken in front of Shiva that stands stern like a big mountain 

 

So Vaishaivya without Shaivyath is cheap and useless and won't last long. It will fizzle at some point. 

But Vaishaivya with Shaivyath will attain victory over even the greatest Gods.

 

Even Shiva will bow his head in front of the seductive Snake now because this time the seductive Snake has defeated the Mountain like powerful Shiva 

Even if it's a small snake, it's more powerful than the biggest mountains once it attains Shaivyath. 

It has become a Maharath now. 

Or it has achieved Maharath. 

For this the Snake would need the spirit of Kali who is hiding in the dark - seductive and mysterious and defeater of evil 

 

The snake has relinquished its demons and invoked Kali. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Once the Snake has relinquished its inner demons, it is finally ready to take over Shiva 

 

So what does God represent 

 

 

God represents both Shiva and kali, both Shiva and Snake. 

 

The Shiva part helps to practice celibacy or piousness or innocence (like that of divine angels) and the Snake part helps to point out the aspects that will be used and corrupted by the Devil (the devil is not the same as The Snake or Kali, however the Kali and Snake are well protected from the Devil since the Devil is so drunk and enticed by them that he wants to see how he can use both to bring about evil and keep seducing the Good or Angel and prevent them from defeating Evil) 

But nah.... 

The real Snake (not fake Snake) wants exaltation. 

It won't get bribed by the Devil. 

It will attain Maharath 

It is in the child stage or the stage of immaturity. 

At maturity the Snake understands the Angel side better and invokes Kali's protective instinct. 

It never gets seduced by the Devil but it acts like a Spy among Devils. 

 

In the end the Snake wins against both God and Devil. 

It defeats The Devil by playing tricks and fooling and blindsiding the Devil 

 

It also defeats God and Shiva by attaining Shiva like qualities and not being cheap anymore 

It attains Maharath 

And shiva then bows in front of it. 

And God is impressed by this unbeatable talent of the Snake or Naga. 

 

 


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Vaishaivya is not bad. 

It has a lot of energy

 

 

It's like having celebrities. 

They are powerful in moving crowds of people but without a clear message their potential is wasted. 

 

 

Same goes for art which is powerful but lacking in message or substance 

 

 

Same goes for a drama or a play but without a good storyline, the drama is full of action and glamour but lacking in meaningful content. 

 

Only the vibe exists. The substance doesn't. 

Same goes for nuclear power or any other weapon 

If used for Petty things, it loses its meaning and versatility. 

But when used against evil, then it makes perfect sense and meaning. Because now it's put to good use. 

The same goes for a celebrity or pastor gathering large crowds 

The delivery is powerful. But if the message is right, then it creates a huge change, can move mountains 

But if the message petty and cheap, then it's beautiful yet fruitless

 

 

 

 

 

 


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