Social Anxiety

[Whatev3r]

Hi guys, i've been having social anxiety for a very long time, it started when i was around 12-13 and im now 20. I've been starting to get really hopeless, because it feels like nothing works. It's so deep in my psyche. Like in my country we have this mandatory military...um..service? that lasted for almost a year. There i had to be around people 24/7 and tried my hardest to learn to be relaxed with people, but it didn't help much. I'm pretty much as anxious now than before going there and that really fuels my hopelessness, if so hardcore exposure didn't help. Will anything ?

I've also meditated heavily for 9 months and started to do self inquiry 5 months ago. Strong determination sitting has really made me see all the traumatic events in my childhood that started this snowball effect of social anxiety.

I've started to think about psychedelics and other drugs that could help, but i'm scared that im too unstable to handle psychedelics.

I just thought to ask you if you have some suggestions? what helped you? also sorry for my bad english

[Richard Alpert]

I have always been very shy, but social anxiety started somewhere when i was 21-22.

I have read everything, done every yoga/meditation/breathing techniques etc. My job is pretty social. Done psychedelics and so on.

I am introvert, so social happenings tend to strain me.

I think social anxiety is you´re own projection. You are afraid that people dont like you and you hesitate to express yourself. It´s self judgement.

Try to become your own friend. We treat ourselves like shit a lot of the times, at least i tend to when im stressed or tired.

I dont think there is any magic pill.

[Whatev3r]

It's just that i'm in a point where it's hard to go to a grocery store even.  I quit my job two months ago, because it was too much. I didn't have energy to do anything else then go to work. I'm at school atm, but i only have few classes a week. I moved on my own 6 months ago, thinking i could be more focused on self actualizing,  but i've just become kinda hermit. Now that it's winter and i live in the northern europe, i  always make an excuse to not go out because it's too dark/cold/rainy.. i only have one friend that i see here and there and i just fear i might lose that too.
So yeah.. i don't know. I got a prescription for ssri, so i might try that.

[mystic]

@Whatev3r Please don't try ssri.. My suggestion would be to try to find a holistic doctor. Veganism might help you. It did help me in addition to the following:

1. quit alcohol

2. quit smoking

3. quit fast food

4. exercise 

5. try probiotics (http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f11/amazing-results-from-my-probiotic-1615178/)

6. check B12 levels and try getting some B-complex supplement

Don't do drugs, don't take medication! If you need more info on anything of the above you can contact me.

My social anxiety appeared when I was 27, now I am 30 and after 1 year on veganism and healthy diet I am getting better and better. I used to take some Inderal on social occasions that I couldn't stand just for not start shaking in front of everybody. It helped me too.

There is no hope, just faith! Have faith.. 

[Bob84]

@Whatev3r This answer probably sounds weird, but im serious. Try to focus on your right big toe (feel it in your shoe, socks, feel the nail, etc) when you feel you are getting anxious. You will find out why when you try it.

[Whatev3r]

Okay so i didn't take ssri, got a prescription for Propranolol to reduce anxiety symptoms. Also bought supplements that should help. I tend to get very depressed every winter, so that might be the lack of vitamin D, cause there's so little sunlight here.

I also hit a dead end with my self inquiry and realized that ego cant do anything to get enlightened. At that moment i also realized how big spiritual ego i had developed. So that made the ego go bit crazy and increased the anxiety and depression. don't really know what to do now. i guess just keep meditating.

[Bob84]

@Whatev3r The mind is ego. In a sense all thinking is ego. Get out of your headspace by focusing on your body. Like prev example or other.

[Bizarre]

As long as you keep saying "I" have social anxiety you will always have it.  It's obviously a belief that has a regressive nature to it, you get deeper in the pit because you keep affirming the belief to yourself.  That's all it is, too much identification with what you believe is "you".

A good technique is the Byron Katie self inquiry,  every time you catch yourself having these thoughts, inquire into them.  It works because once you start weakening the belief, and you start getting a little more social it has a snowball effect as your mind slowly learns to accept your new circumstances.  And as you get more social success this feeds back into your self image and you slowly get better.  

Another thing you can do is learn to let go of expectations, that you are owed anything for speaking up. This is quite clever because this is what confident people know, they know that they are not the doer, that the doer just does and gets into a flow state.  All these good experiences will build up and you will have a much better time if you just relax and let yourself fool around without needing anything from others.

Edited November 8, 2016 by GTITurbolover

[Bizarre]

6 hours ago, Whatev3r said:

I also hit a dead end with my self inquiry and realized that ego cant do anything to get enlightened. 

This is a blessing, because this is what you want.  You want to realize that you are not the doer, that the doer is just mechanics and that its purpose is to do, while you the observer observe.  This is what is meant by the ego can do nothing to get enlightened, because who's left over with the condition of "enlightenment"?  YOU are, the awareness.

I would also not be too hasty about trying to do something about your childhood, your childhood is gone, the only thing you need from that is the insight into how irrational those events have now left you.  So don't bother caring for the inner child, he will be fine, he's always fine and he is the one who's going to be social and make everyone laugh and enjoy themselves.  Just investigate the ideas you have still left over from when you couldnt process those childhood events and you should be fine.

And the thing mystic suggests, with the vegan diet, absolutely!  This lifestyle choice makes your mind sattvic (and ripe for enlightenment).  The rajasic energies are centred around excessive desire and fear, and the tamas is clouding the mind and this makes everything look more scary than it actually is.

If you want to study it more, look into Ayurvedic diet plans, and check out the 3 gunas teaching from the Upanishads because it will explain how you are currently identified with these two undesirable shaktis that make you interpret experience in ways that keep you locked to this anxiety.

Edited November 8, 2016 by GTITurbolover

[Schulzy]

If you workout it can increase your confidence alot and when you experience social anxiety you should know that your rationality is cut off at that point, you cant really rationalize around it but try to kinda force yourself out of it and act confident. 

[Whatev3r]

Yeah in retrospect it's always so silly how i think when im anxious in social situations. That thinking pattern is like a reflex to me. Forcing and acting confident helps if you're "a little shy" but not with social anxiety disorder.

I guess i need to really make this my fulltime task to overcome. Like a year ago i though that this enlightenment thing might make me fearless and i had the generic seeker mindset that "everything will fall in the right place when i get "there"". Meditation and self inquiry has helped alot tho and im not really judgemental towards myself, because i know that this body and mind are not in my control really.

I might try Dr. richards social anxiety online program. If someone has tried it, can you tell if it has helped you.

[Telepresent]

@Whatev3r Hello!  I haven't read the previous replies to this post because... I guess I'm lazy

Anyway, all I would suggest is that there are various web-based organisations such as Meetup or CitySocializing which allow people to organise their social lives around interests, availability, and how many people they want to deal with.  Local clubs also offer similar benefits.

I'm not sure how much times have changed since I was 20, but I know the impression can be 'party or bust'.  But I also know - from my own hindsight and talking to others - that a lot of us would have values a more quiet, contemplative space.  Don't be afraid to make that space, even if it's just you

[Telepresent]

@Whatev3r Actually, you know what?  HELLO!  I've read through the whole thread.  Ain't I a trooper?

First off, don't take any medical advice from a stranger on a forum.  If your doctor has prescribed SSRIs, and you choose not to take them, please ensure that choice is through your own research, not through whoever the fuck chooses to post on here.  Remember you don't know us from Adam: we can give suggestions, nothing more.  As it sounds you've picked up another anti-depressent, which is good: please make sure you know what they symptoms and side-effects are not only of taking that medication, but also of cutting it off unexpectedly (as you were advised by another user here) - that sort of shit can be dangerous.

Anyway, you're struggling to go out.  And as it's getting into the winter, this can become a self-enforcing cycle: you stay in and write about being online, and then you wait for replies, and then you reply, and you wait for replies... (I know this because I've done it, a lot...)

So I'd like to offer you a challenge: go out and talk to a stranger tonight.  I don't care who that stranger is, I don't care what the context is: it could be someone in a bar, it could be someone working in a shop, it could be someone on the street, it could be a police officer, I don't care - go up to someone and say ONE SENTENCE.  Even "hello, I have to say something to someone.  Goodbye" is enough.

Then come here and tell me about it.

[Bizarre]

Don't approach strangers in bars. They will shoot you down with no remorse as if you were merely a free range duck ready for plucking, tearing put your giblets and render you the ultimate humiliation of sending you off to hang naked in the market as meat to be haggled over!

Don't do it! 

Edited November 9, 2016 by GTITurbolover

[Whatev3r]

@Telepresent Hi man, first of all i did very deep research for that particular ssri and desided not to take it and Propranolol that im taking now isn't anti depressant, it's a beta blocker that stops the symptoms of anxiety (high blood pressure, shakiness etc.). 

I can talk to strangers and challenge myself everyday to say hi to people i pass by, strike up some little conversation with the cashier etc, like today i talked with strangers in store about trump getting elected and shit. Like i was very social trough out my teens, had many friends and couple long relationships, but i was always still anxious and wasn't truly myself. When i was like 17 i started to smoke alot of weed, almost every day, and was very careless. At some point it stopped being fun and i got like 100 times more anxious when i smoked, but all my friends were stoners at that point so i kept smoking and one day had a really fucking awful panic attack at some party. Got depersonalization because of it and stopped going out and slowly lost my "friends", except one. i dont know why im telling all this, but it feels like a have change my whole identity, ego stucture or something to heal this.

[Telepresent]

3 minutes ago, Whatev3r said:

@Telepresent Hi man, first of all i did very deep research for that particular ssri and desided not to take it and Propranolol that im taking now isn't anti depressant, it's a beta blocker that stops the symptoms of anxiety (high blood pressure, shakiness etc.).

Great, good - so long as you know why you're making the choices you make.  Beyond that, I'm not your mum

I started writing a reply which I'll keep in below, but I'm curious from your response: can you give a primary goal that you'd like to achieve, that you think your anxiety is in the way of?

Ok, so you slowly drew yourself into smoking as much as you do.  Are you willing to slowly draw yourself out of it?  As in, if you wrote down a timetable of cutting down how much you smoked, would you stick by it (even if it meant losing some of your friends?  Even if it meant the pains of withdrawal)?  Be honest here: it's you who has to do this.

[Whatev3r]

I haven't smoked weed in over a year now. It wasn't really that hard to stop after having that panic attack. I mean i had terrible depersonalization because of that. I didn't recognise myself in the mirror, familiar places seemed alien to me, thats btw how i found non duality and enlightenment googling the symptomps. It gradually went away in 2-3 months, meditating helped alot.

well id like to just be able to do normal stuff without being anxious. It's hard to get enjoyment from normal activities when your not feeling so good.

[Anna]

@Whatev3r I started a discussion about this theme some months ago. Maybe you'll find some answeres and perspectives here:

 

[Live Life Liam]

On 04/11/2016 at 6:15 PM, mystic said:

@Whatev3r Please don't try ssri.. My suggestion would be to try to find a holistic doctor. Veganism might help you. It did help me in addition to the following:

1. quit alcohol

2. quit smoking

3. quit fast food

4. exercise 

5. try probiotics (http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f11/amazing-results-from-my-probiotic-1615178/)

6. check B12 levels and try getting some B-complex supplement

Don't do drugs, don't take medication! If you need more info on anything of the above you can contact me.

My social anxiety appeared when I was 27, now I am 30 and after 1 year on veganism and healthy diet I am getting better and better. I used to take some Inderal on social occasions that I couldn't stand just for not start shaking in front of everybody. It helped me too.

There is no hope, just faith! Have faith.. 

I'd agree as those are great tips. Only thing I will add is obviously a self inquiry and meditation habit. The evidence is clear on how overtime this can decrease levels of anxiety in mind blowing ways. Psychedelics (you can't disprove  the effect of something if you haven't tried it) might also help you out but if you smoke weed maybe get rid of that and try something else since that has different effects on a variety of different people. Some people can feel more anxious taking it. 

You need to truly take initiative in creating daily habits that benefit your end goal. It takes time and isn't a overnight quick fix so stick to these for at least 6 months then come back and update us.

Edited November 10, 2016 by Live Life Liam

[Schulzy]

You should just know that when you are socially anxious you are not able to think rationally. So what is the solution? Aguess trying to fake confidence until it becomes natural.