Found my life purpose. Finally

[JonasVE12]

It really suprises me how deep inside I knew al allong what my life purpose was. The reason it was hidden from me is because I distracted myself unconsciously by fear and uncertainty. I tried to explore so many ideas already but failed each time. Frustration and emptiness kept building up. I looked in so many directions already. Nothing. After each failure, my thinking was getting more & more pessimistic. My mind was desperately and chaotically looking in so many different directions. I was so desperate for some meaning in my life. I looked everywhere but here, to what I feel inside. Fear acts like an invisble barrier. It's insane. 

I somehow ended up playing guitar and singing while being very desperate and down last days. I normally don't sing, but I allowed myself to open up and express myself fully today. I usually don't do this because of self-expression blockages. Mostly I rationalize that I don't want to bother the neightbours by singing, but fuck it, I expressed myself fully. I put all my emotional expression in the singing. It felt good. Really good. Relieving actually. I'm usually much more closed off to my feeling and I spend way more time in my thinking mind. Then later that day, emptiness came back and I was more bored than ever. I facetimed my girlfriend and she sensed I was feeling down. We talked a bit about what I'm feeling and somehow, I began to feel more inspiration from my feeling. Intuively, I sensed I was getting attuned to that thing that was really important to me. The conversation was really fruitful. I think the singing helped to make more contact with my feeling which caused the clarity that I got from the self reflection in the convo.

In hindsight, my LP is so obvious. I was just distracted and held back by fear. Closed off from my feeling because the fear that it evokes is too painful to confront. Therefore, it might sometimes feel easier to take another route. But I feel like everyone of us has only 1 authentic life purpose that he or she is destined to do.

This time, I sense it's different, intuively. It's not just another idea. Because only now I can sense it comes out of an authentic inspiration that comes from my feeling. Something that is truly important to me. 

 

[Michael569]

9 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

somehow ended up playing guitar and singing while being very desperate and down last days. I normally don't sing, but I allowed myself to open up and express myself fully today.

Love this, maybe this is what it took to get out of your own way and to see what has been present for years just behind the wall of suppressed emotions. Happy for you!!

[JonasVE12]

@Michael569 Thanks mate! Well said. Glad I've got more clarity now. Need to build on it, but becoming conscious about these things is a great start.