Conscious Parenting

[soos_mite_ah]

Conscious Parenting

I find myself often thinking what I would differently as a parent compared to how I was raised. As someone who is 21 right now, I feel like I'm at the prime age where I see exactly how people's parent's messed them up as far as my peer group goes. Because prior to being 18 you're still under your parent's control and therefore you don't let your neurosis run free but after you reach your mid 20s or so you either already worked through those issues or you descended deeper into trauma and accumulated more baggage to where whether something is due to your upbringing or your own bad decisions gets muddied. 

I'm probably going to write a little each day or every other day about my views of how to most consciously raise a kid. I will admit I don't know. I'm only 21 and I have a limited sense of life experiences so there is only so much I can say. These are just my views at the moment. I don't intend on having kids for at least a decade. I want to write this down so that I can reflect on this in the future and therefore not lose sight of what it's like being a kid. I'm not a kid anymore but it's still fresh in my memory. I grew up with parents who had me pretty late and even though they had a lot of time to grow and gain life experiences, it's like they couldn't always relate to me because their memories of their experiences at my age are so hazy. 

But considering I am young and I still have a lot of learning to do, if anyone wants to contribute, correct, or expand on what I'm saying as with all my journals you are free to do so. Comments are welcome and encouraged. 

Edited March 4, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Religion and Spirituality 

Ok so for my first post I didn't know what to start off with and since I'm in a spiritually oriented forum, why not start with religion and spirituality. 

From my experience, a lot of South Asian people are sensitive when it comes to religious identity and interreligious relationships because of the politics surrounding religion in that area. Because I grew up in the U.S. and because there aren't that many brown people in my area, the idea of marrying outside of my race and religion is a very likely possibility. And for my family in India and Bangladesh, I can see them getting triggered with that idea where they are like "if you marry a Christian what religion are your kids going to be" (I was raised Hindu btw). And my answer from a young age was that I want my kids to choose their religious and spiritual path for themselves. 

I don't want my kid to follow whatever religion my spouse or I are practicing. I want them to think for themselves and explore different ideas to see what fits best for them. That's probably going to be a recurring theme in this journal where my priority as a parent would be to instill critical thinking skills and freedom of expression to my kid. Indoctrination to a world view doesn't sit right with me. I want them to come to their own conclusions. 

Also religion and spirituality is a very personal thing. I don't feel right imposing myself onto someone like that especially my own child. Even though I grew up in a Hindu family, my dad wasn't religious at all while my mom on the other hand prays 3 times a day (7 when she is anxious about something). My mom never had this expectation that I had to be as religious as her. And even though I'm not religious I can see the peace of mind that religion can bring to a person. I also used religion to connect to my own culture as well. I can see the healthy manifestations of religion and how it can help people find a sense of community and a sense of faith in their lives which is why even though I personally identify as agnostic, I don't demonize religion. But I think religion can get out of hand when you blindly follow it and abandon you're critical thinking skills which is why I'm going to emphasize critical thinking in my future posts.

Even though I am agnostic and I want to raise my kid in a religiously neutral way, I'm still going to celebrate things like Diwali, Christmas etc. I want my kid to be exposed to different communities and generally enjoy themselves in different festivities. I don't think you have to be super religious to get value out of those things. This also has to do with learning about different points of views and cultures which goes along with critical thinking.  

Edited March 5, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Preety_India]

 

Just don't be a typical controlling Indian parent and that would be a gracious favor.  you know what I mean. 

My 0.02 cents. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Preety_India Of course not 

This is a way to keep myself accountable so it doesn't happen. 

After all, there is  a huge difference between simply knowing what to avoid and actually knowing what you need to do. 

[soos_mite_ah]

Diet and Body Image 

I want my kid to feel comfortable with their body and be able to care for it effectively. I want them to learn how to listen to the cues their body is telling them in order to understand what types of foods make them physically and emotionally feel good. I want them to know that weight does not tell the whole story behind someone's health and I want them to know that healthy habits are much more important than how you look or what a number on a scale says. I'm still going to make sure that I have fresh food in the house and won't have things like processed foods or soda for example. Another thing that I think is important is when the kid is old enough that the kid has to help out with making food. Not only is it faster but it teaches the kid an important life skill and you get to spend time with the kid. 

I won't be body shaming myself or them. I don't want to model an unhealthy relationship to my body and have them pick that up. My mom was extremely critical about her appearance and often projected those insecurities on to me to the point where I developed a dysfunctional relationship with food and my body. I don't want that for my kid. I also won't critique or praise other people's bodies because I want my kid to know that this isn't the most important thing that people are going to judge you on and therefore you shouldn't base your self worth on that. 

I want to teach my kid to honor their body regardless of what the beauty standard is at the time whether my kid is skinny, chubby, muscular, short, or tall. I want them to learn how to embrace their body shape and their individuality with whatever clothes they wear because I want to cultivate the idea of buying clothes that fit you instead of changing your body to fit into clothes or trends. I also want them to be informed about the media and different trends because I don't want them to fall into the trap of comparing themselves to images that aren't even real.