Communication and connection part 2

[Preety_India]

Okay. The last journal got completely fucked. I fidgeted with the parts of the miley Cyrus and I kept scrolling endlessly. F'd up. 

Anyway transferring entries here. 

Whole lot of mess 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Middle part of the interview

2

3

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I've realized through my spiritual journeys and quests that the final answer lies in the word communication

It's all about communication. 

Everything is either direct communication or a form of communication. 

If you got a bit deeper with communication, what is the word that comes to your mind? 

What exactly do you build with communication? 

 

Connection.................. Yesssssssss

 

Now I got it. 

Spirituality is all about a genuine connection.. 

And I'm walking along that line. I'm reaching there. I'm a few steps short of a great discovery. 

I knew I was close to the finishing line. 

My hard work of 3 long years would not go in vain. 

Plus I had been thinking about spirituality since childhood. 

I knew it would culminate into some form of preserving maturity that remains surprisingly calm and stable and continues along its path. 

[Preety_India]

 

Omg I can't believe this is happening. 

 

Right at the pinnacle of my spiritual evolution I come across this video of Miley Cyrus. 

 

I had been imagining myself as a girl maturing and blossoming into someone with a cowboy hat and boots and not giving a fuck about what the world thinks and simply focused on my own spiritual growth. 

 

And here it is, just in time, comes in this interview where I see Miley Cyrus personifying what I had been imagining. Not only the outer aesthetics in terms of her simple shirt and boots but also her voice and mannerisms, all dribbling with maturity, I can't believe it. 

 

 I'm seeing my alter ego right in front of my eyes, my spiritually evolved alter ego. 

 

I can imagine myself in an underground rugged basement studio with a mic stand and me screaming a song at the top of my lungs and dancing around in jeans and boots and not thinking about the world even for a second. Just soaking up who I am and wanting to connect with God in the most genuine way possible. 

 

Omg. 

[Preety_India]

 

Omg I'm crying so bad right now. 

She is saying exactly what I wanted to say.

Covid caused so much anxiety. 

And then she says everything that I wanted to say, ditto. 

Just 5 seconds in, she says "you wanna have a real conversation" 

"and with that timing is everything. I learned that whether it's love, relationships or just comedy, to make people laugh, to make cry, there is a timing to all of it and when you lose that timing and that connection, and that awareness that okay I'm sensing what you are feeling, and you're sensing what I'm feeling, when you lose that, I think that's whats been causing some of this anxiety, the fear, because there is an unknowingness of the response, you lose that when you are talking to a screen. "

And I remember a few weeks ago I wrote in one of my journals that if I have to adopt a certain look it would consist of dark painted long nails, lots of rings or specific finger rings, and a sweater or a shrug. Just the winter look. And now look at Miley Cyrus's hands. Oh my Goodness. She is rocking the dark painted nails in jet black with loads of rings. 

If this is not a sign then I don't know what is. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

March 2, 2021. 

God showed me this video at the right opportunity. This is it. This is the Ultimate Spiritual. 

Omg Miley Cyrus is really growing and growing super fast. I need to really follow her growth. 

Queen Sass. 

She has come a long way since Hannah Montana. Omg she was my favorite with Hannah Montana but I wasn't upset with her changing. 

I love her authenticity and integrity. That's absolutely, hands down the most important thing on the path of  spirituality. 

[Preety_India]

 

In the past week I came across Paris Hilton and now Miley Cyrus. 

I can't believe it. It's like one after another. Yesss. These are young women of our generation. And I always thought I couldn't relate to them because they are too rich for me to even think about them. 

But loooooook. They say things that are so relevant. 

Paris talked about PTSD 5 months ago and I was diagnosed with PTSD just 10 days ago. I could relate to every fucking thing she said. 

This is such a synchronicity. I can't believe this. The universe is just getting closer and closer and more synchronous clues are popping up. 

And now Miley Cyrus. 

All her insights have been living up in my head since past few weeks. 

This is truly amazing. I'm closing in on the root of my fears and issues. Yay finally. 

 

[Preety_India]

I came from such poverty and I came so far.

I always wanted to grow grow grow. 

I worked so hard, even to the point of death, to come to a point where I could make sense of everything.

It was my determination. 

I think it's really paying off now royally. 

[Preety_India]

Through a higher sense of self awareness.. 

Miley Cyrus is giving a lot of tips on what exercises to help spiritual growth. 

I'm going to make notes. 

So Zane asks her what she thinks about whatever her parents taught her as a child. How does she look back on it. Has she always been this way? 

[Preety_India]

 

4

 

[Preety_India]

 

3:32 / 1:19:24

Transcript

00:01

[Music]

00:12

this place is cool

00:13

thank you so much i am at some point i'm

gonna

this wall is gonna go away and i'm gonna

make a big like songwriting deck out

there because i'd like to go outside we

have a little mini spot out there

but my mom came in here and spruced the

place up and she's obsessed with putting like photos of me with all these

people everywhere so this is like a mother's doing i love how you came straight in and you like and you zeroed in on the thing that i would have gone to and you've justified it without me even raising it it's my [ __ ]

mother came here today i'm like yo why because

my mom

she just is like you know she wants me to be proud of my moments but it's just very like it's cute in her house but in my

house i feel like it's kind of like a

like a whole dentist you know when you

go and you're like i don't really care

whose teeth you clean like you go to that dentist as well yeah can you clean teeth or not

i don't care about the pictures on the

wall it's so lay how you doing

i'm doing really good i'm happy to be

01:02

talking to you you too

i was thinking it's nice actually out of

all the times you know

covid has just been just so hard on

everybody whether it's

actually physically getting the illness

or

just mentally and spiritually or you

know so many people are just

experiencing anxiety and fear but

the one great thing is you know to bring

you to

my studio bring you to my home yeah

we've never been able to sit where i was

thrilled

the music really gets i mean when it

came into my diary and it's i was like

01:33

where are we doing it

and they're like well it's it's at

miley's place i was thrilled because

you're right it started out in our place

and then it was covert orientated tech

talk

yeah i don't like that especially with

you and me you know you want to have a

real conversation and

i think with that i think timing is

everything

you know i learned that whether that was

in love or

relationships or just comedy i mean just

even to

to make people laugh to make people cry

there's a timing to all of it

and when you lose that timing and that

connection and that awareness of okay

i'm sensing what you're feeling you're

sensing what i'm feeling

when you lose that i think that's what's

kind of been causing some of this

anxiety and fear because there's an

unknowingness of the response

you lose that when you're talking

through a screen well the core of

anxiety and fears

is a desire for control and we put that in the same conversation as time

yeah and that's why when things happen

to you it's like oh i have the worst

timing

yeah i can't believe this time that

happened yeah and it's interesting that

you would look at it from a different

perspective of like

actually i lean into the concept of time even if at the time

it felt like a bad time also i think

there's something about

you kind of fall into the right timing

and i think there's been times where

i've wanted to rush in times where i

wanted to wait

and there's just seasons and that's been this record for me because this record i really was patient with

and patience you could probably get a

lot of adjectives of the things that i

am

but patient i don't think if you ask

anyone around me would necessarily be

you were sort of pushed in that

direction right because

it's so funny i was thinking back to the

last time we really spoke

well around the last album which was

younger now album album and it's funny

that title you know because i think

about like

you were really you were on a mission to

mature and to build a life for yourself

to stabilize yourself

and you called that album younger now

and it all just felt very at odds and

then 2018 the whole thing just tips upside down as you wrote so poignantly in your note and i think about that that's a push toward patience because that's about losing control you can't control that

that must have been the problem with looking back on it now the most significant one of the most significant

events of your life that fire

i write down everything like i my dad

always says you know when you write it

down when you say it out loud you give

it power you begin to create it the minute that you write it down so i write everything

down

you know i did write about i guess it was a push into patience but

it's now a part of my character and it's something that i really am proud of and it i feel it was earned

um

to be patient and as much as there's

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

things that

i'll miss it really what i

gained which patients being one of them

was worth it

in a sense finding a balance of feeling

detached

but still being able to connect yeah you

know yeah

i would never want someone to say you

know she just wasn't there with me she

just

you know i i do have a problem with

people that that think being protected

or guarding yourself in some way is

detachment is attachment because

if you don't protect yourself then like

04:33

take all the locks off your house

leave the keys in the car sure don't

wear shoes on your feet well also you

have a right to keep something t

yourself

i mean you or yourself before anybody

came into your life ultimately outside

you know the family that you have and

even then the minute you're born it's

your journey mm-hmm

and i wonder i've always wanted to ask

you this as you now get to a higher

state of self-awareness through your

music through your life through learning

through relationships through all of it

through maturity right it's called

maturity

do you look back now on what you were

told by your parents

what you how you acted as a kid the kind

of kid you were from that you know they

all

just had the earliest memories have you

always been this

no i mean i am not the person i was

yesterday

you know last night sitting behind you

cutting with stevie nicks on the phone

that changed me forever you know

everything changes me forever

and i'll never be

who i was yesterday in a way every night

05:26

before i go to sleep i say goodbye to

myself in a way because it's like

that person's done and there's like a

sadness to it sometimes because

i do evolve really quickly because i'm

very absorbent like i just take

everything in

yeah and recently  i've had to do

inventory

of what i've owned as mine that isn't

mine because i think like you're saying

your parents so

whether it's generational or the way

that you're raised or you know

you you really do get passed through dna

05:56

yeah personality and character even fear

yeah nature versus nurture for sure you

know exactly nature versus nurture and

we're all just an equation of all those

things adding up

you know the last three years i called

it the

the cocktail of chaos because it just

felt like the worst bartender ever

which was like as the universe yeah

Edited March 2, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

sometimes just kept pouring the [ __ ] and

you're like oh my god like can't drink

any more of this [ __ ] yeah and you're

just like you know

you're dizzy often that's what i mean

like when we spoke in 2017 and the album

was coming out

and you were just like i got this like i

got the relationship i got the album I 

got that life i'm good

yeah and then and life just laughs it's

like

you're not done yet you know i i kind of

hate the saying but also love it that

when you make the plan

that life you know laughs at you because

i do think there's something to having

an idea of what you want and like

setting a goal and seeing it you know i daydream a lot daydreaming

and like seeing it all happen but not

letting it completely consume you to the

point where there's no other

opportunities you exactly and become

i never let an idea or a schedule

07:07

determine my creative choices so

listen like i made a record you and i

had talked during younger now

and then i was going and making a set of

three eps which were

amazing i was in love with the songs you

know but

those two eps weren't relevant anymore

and even though i loved the songs for

07:26

what they were

they lost their relevance so to me i

can't ever release that

is the only thing that you did in that

equation that that doesn't play to how

you would do that now is you announced

it

yeah when you announce it you get power

that's the plan

yeah exactly and then it goes upside

down i didn't realize you lost stuff

though oh yeah so every computer

every journal every song i've ever

written you know and i write a lot of

songs

that no one ever hears they're just for

me actually yesterday i was going

through i have a joan jett book and

i was looking at some pictures of her

getting inspired and i was like

we had the exact same handwriting and i

realized it was my handwriting i had

used her book

as my songwriting journal so if you know

if i don't have anything you just

 

[Preety_India]

 

if i don't have anything you just

08:07

pick up a record and just right i was

right on it and so i was like man

me and joan do have a lot in common i

even have her handwriting and then i

realized that's my handwriting yeah i do not remember her writing about like

you know floating through space with an

astronaut so that was like

in my dead pet studio i had had a book

sitting here on this console

this console survived the fire this is from my studio in malibu

and um yeah my dad actually was like can

i have that

i'm like dude this is what i the one

thing that we really had left was my freaking console it's mine he's

like i know but i just got the perfect

compressor i need a place to put it

like you have to get your own damn

console this is like because my studio

was the only

thing that was left so this kind of from

here

and those signs those were that's a sign

that's the only thing i had left was my

studio that's all that was left was my music

wow oddly you know i didn't have a lot

of my songwriting journals in my studio because that's never i mean

for me that's never where i write a song

i never write a song in the studio can I ask you a really weird question I've never asked anyone because it was such a

such a unique experience that you go through something as kind of traumatic and life shaking as that what is it like when you walk through

what used to be a home

dude i mean part of you wants to just

start digging through ashes

and find whatever is left you know so

part of me wants to do that and part of

you creates

09:26

the the walls and the what was there and

you can almost see pictures i mean

part of you you're i guess it's somewhat

of muscle memory of some kind you know it starts putting it all back together again

and then a part of you is very peaceful

i also am very

fortunate because i knew that i would

have some place to go that i would not

be displaced yeah and now so your

security's checked

my security is fine and i know that

about my life

i never stop being grateful for that

my life is extremely unique and i'm

 

[Preety_India]

sometimes feel overly fortunate

and i had my own guilt with that you

know so

being there there was a sense of peace

knowing that there was nothing i could

do about it

because there's times where me wanting

to control has been able for me to

create this authentic brand i never do

anything that i don't want to do

10:17

my music is exactly what i want it to be

10:18

being in control a lot of the time works

in my favor

but being obsessed with control can also

be really damaging to just being

in what the plan that the above has for

you so I  battled with that but i more so

i really felt at peace knowing that

there's nothing i can do about it and

i've taken that piece and i try to find

that space because there's a billion other

times in your life that there's gonna be

nothing that you can do about it

having that that freedom now of not

being

just so in love with control has been really good for me yeah it's funny you talk about that because

if i go through and i read it from an

altitude and i said cherry pick the

events that we've all seen and heard

that's the trade of being a performer i

suppose is that

stuff gets put out here it does feel

like the moments when things have taken

you in a vastly different direction to

be the moments when you've

on the outside have being in complete

control uh-huh yeah well i

i thrive in in chaos a little bit and i

also

11:19

i don't like making decisions this is

one thing that i don't like

i do not like someone asked me to go to

dinner you choose

like i do not like me oh that's annoying

i don't like making decisions that's because i really am kind of happy

anywhere right

i just am and until you're not until

until i'm like this place sucks but i'm like so obviously really 

i really like people kind of i mean when it comes to my music into my craft i really really like making my own

choices and making my own art but those aren't really decisions

you know those aren't to me those aren't decisions they're probably very big

decisions if you're not

used to making them all the time but like putting out music to me isn't a big

decision it's like

it just is like it's just flowing out

constantly so i liked that

i never had to make a choice about saying goodbye to that house it just said goodbye to me there was no choice

in it and i really liked that about

about the non-decision-making process so

it's been a year

i mean if this is still the case and no

judgment but from what i can tell it's

been a year since you chose

sobriety right since you decided to

clear your head yeah how did it feel

when you started to wake up and realize that that was working well i like a lot of people you know being completely honest during the pandemic fell off and felt really a lot of you know and i would never sit here and go i've been [ __ ] sober and

i didn't and i fell off and I realized that i now am back on sobriety two weeks sober and you know i feel like i really accepted that time and one of the things

i've used is don't get furious get curious so don't be mad at yourself but ask

[Preety_India]

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