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Preety_India

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INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Just feeling a bit down today 

Don't know how to vent 

Feeling 

Depressed 

Worried 

Anxious 

Suicidal 

(worried about family )

There was a big fight because I didn't buy the right stuff for her. So she was badgering me. It was tough. I cried many times. 

Then she spoke to my psychologist and told him all bullshit about lying y

 

L

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Today my psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD. 

. I don't know how long I can take this. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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4yis1a.jpg

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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I love South Asian culture. I used to frequently visit the Hong Kong market back in the US.  And I used to buy sauce cans and cuisines from these stores that used to carry stuff from Malaysian, Thai, Vietnamese and Filipino cultures. 

And I used to enjoy their stuff. I like the cuteness in their art. All the cute hello kitty plush toys and cute anime toys. The whole Asian culture about anime and cute little things. 

I like buying that stuff. 

I like this candy culture of cute nothings with lots of colors and beautiful cute kid themes. It's like I get to be a kid again. 

It's so relaxing. It's way better than being in a mall with all adult boring  stuff. 

South Asian culture is therapeutic to me. And so is African and Islamic cultures.  There's so much art in these cultures including Indian. I love such a variety. 

Of course my favorite was Bruce Lee. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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I also have a secret crush on cute Asian guys. 

I remember flirting with an Asian guy and he was so protective of me. 

I forget that I'm Asian too. 

I'm not too much into Japanese. 

However anything Chinese is super cute. 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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I love closed spaces. They make me feel more secure and in myself. 

I love disco LED lights and lighted rooms. They give me a feeling of peace. 

In this journal I'm more focused on curing my trauma. 

Once and forever, I want to put this behind me. 

One thing that my psychologist told me was to list down things that I really like or enjoy. 

And I'm finding difficulty in doing this 

But I'm slowly able to gather my scatter brain and get a few items that I like in this world. Much of this might sound childish. 

But hey I don't give a damn if I appear/sound  like a child. My appearance is not important.  My feelings are more important. 

So some of the things that I like 

  • Good sex 
  • Intimate talk and conversations
  • Role playing 
  • Teddy Bears 
  • Being spanked (my favorite)
  • Cats (a lot omg I love cats )
  • Humor 
  • Art 
  • Poetry 
  • Painting nails. 
  • Cute doll like figures like cute Asian toys for kids 
  • Candy stores 
  • Sucking candies. This always makes me so chill
  • Chinese takeout food (I order every alternate day, I love Buddha dumplings, my favorite )
  • Rings. Gold rings. Silver rings. In this department I'm a bit materialistic. Forgive me. I love finger  rings 
  • Beautiful bedsheets 
  • Room decor 
  • Tarot cards 
  • Everything related to witchcraft 
  • Different kinds of foods
  • Lipstick 
  • Reading romantic novels 
  • Glistening water. Sparkling water with ice 
  • Champagne (little bit only )
  • Wine and beer (little bit. I've never really drunk. Just tasted a bit. I'm usually against drinking )
  • Hot bath lathering in a bath tub 
  • Sitting by the beach at night 
  • Eating cakes 
  • Ice cream on a bad day 
  • Rains outside the window 
  • Crime shows. Real crime shows like Cold Case
  • LED lights decor 
  • Closed rooms and spaces 
  • Disco LED theme 
  • Grunge themes
  • Old songs both English/Western and Hindi
  • Pineapple 
  • Mango 
  • Banana 
  • Smoothies 
  • Milkshakes
  • Tea
  • Coffee
  • Cooking 
  • Reading 
  • Gardening 
  •  

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Omg that was a big list. 

I'll have to make another big list of what I like 

  • Cute bows and cute girly things 
  • Being submissive to my guy 
  • Flat shoes and flip flops
  • Pillow talk
  • Early morning sunshine 
  • Walking in nature 
  • Dancing around a fire. (never actually did this )
  • Watching cat videos 
  • Bird sounds. 
  • The idea of eternal romance 
  • Being a love bird forever 
  • Sexual attraction. Romantic attraction and writing erotic stuff 
  • Wearing cotton and summery stuff 
  • Ancient Egyptian religious theme
  • Talk therapy 
  • Intelligent and intellectually stimulating conversations 
  • Living in my own world. Introversion 
  • Forest elf themes
  • Aesthetics (environmental aesthetics. I take great care about making my journals aesthetically nice to my eyes )
  • Learning different things everyday 
  • ASMR
  • Night breeze 
  • Soft satin bed 
  • Purple color 
  • Acting like a kid around a man 
  • Beautiful windows 
  • Soft curtains 
  •  

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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@Preety_India I think you're a sexual-first in terms of the enneagram instincts. Feel free to correct this anytime tho lol


"We are like the spider. We weave our life and then move along in it. We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives in the dream. This is true for the entire universe."

-- The Upanishads

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Ok that was a long list. Here's another long list of my likes

  • Chocolate 
  • Bread 
  • Shopping 
  • Fantasy stories and novels 
  • Visualizations and imaginations
  • Books (generic )
  • Walking at night 
  • Dancing. 
  • Listening to peppy music. 
  • Listening to bubblegum pop music 
  • Being all over the place 
  • Sitting in a park 
  • Talking kindly and politely to people (although I've social anxiety and I'm an introvert, I'm a jovial person who likes to be light hearted and funny and sweet around people. My overall energy/vibe can be defined as SWEET. (only times when I'm hostile is if I see passive aggression or triggers. People being too  sarcastic is a huge trigger )
  • Mysterious colors 
  • Paranormal stuff and study 
  • Collection of things. Like I keep a collection of journals 
  • Being passively flirty with people both men and women (although I'm not bisexual, I enjoy casual flirty but not "cheating on spouse " type of flirting. Just light casual flirting as per context 
  • Listening to romantic songs
  • Listening to sad songs 
  • Listening to deep songs 
  • I like anything emotional 
  • Showing affection to lover
  • Jewelry. But not over the top
  •  
Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Something that is aesthetically pleasing to me list 

  • Food
  • Asian cultural things 
  • Themes and aesthetics
  • Anything sensual / sexual 
  • Anything artistic 
  • Anything Gothic and witchy 
  • Anything ancient and vintage 
  • Anything related to sleep and night or lights off 
  • Beautiful homes 
  • Anything related to beach 
  • Anything related to fantasy and imagination 
  • Anything related to love and romance. Lovey Dovey
  • Anything related to coffee
  • Anything related to spirit and darkness 
  • Anything related to purple and roses and black and mystic gothic. 
  • Anything related to street 
  • Anything related to pop culture bad boy 
  • Anything related to protective lover image 
  • Peppy music, kiddy music, childish fun, bubblegum candy type music 
  • Dark rooms. Dim rooms
  • Sadomasochistic sex
  • Deep colours and hues with mystic allure
  • Anything seductive and alluring 
  • Black and white soft imagery 
  • Poetic stuff 
  • LED rooms
  • Sensual deep dark aspects 
  • Archetypal aspects
  • Romantic imagery 
  • Evening imagery
  • Graffiti Street imagery 
  • Gifys 
  • ASMR and related musical or sound stuff
  • Watching animal documentaries
  • Listening to sweet voices 
  • Ciyiets 
  • Old vintage Hollywood comedy 
  • Autumn aesthetics
  • Long nails
  • Winter aesthetics
  • Piers and bridges over water 
  • Vibrant colors 
  • Certain voices and interviews and narrations 
  • Interior decor designs 
  • Artsy rooms. Grunge rooms 
  • Hippie lifestyle aesthetic 
  • Seeing people live in minimalist conditions
  • Watching a tarot card reading. 
  • Watching documentaries
  • Clean sheets 
  • Looking at the yantra
  • Being in a spa room 
  • Relaxing holiday or vacation routines 
  •  

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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