Creating an Extraordinary Life PT.2

[Average Investor]

I have improved a good bit on energy for sure. I feel a lot more sustained energy throughout the day. I think all of this stuff combined plus dropping foods that are causing issues have helped. going to keep investing a lot of time and energy into my health for awhile. I really want to feel the best I possibly can. I feel like I have went way too long allowing myself not to feel optimal. 

I notice I still have an issue with criticism. That is one thing that is going on the list to work on. It's more of an unconscious habit really. I've made some serious improvements there, but that is one thing that is holding me back from being a happier person I think. 

I feel a much stronger urge to move out on my own. I would feel a bit bad for my mom and sister I have to admit. I know that my mom is sort of relying on me to help out around here with money and just physical labor. I feel like this is something that is starting to work against me rather than for me. I can see how this is putting a bit of a cap on my growth. I am worrying less about money now. I have seen some really interesting living possibilities that I never thought were even possible. I have see a few of these commune type things. Some good stage green type settings that probably would be worth staying at for a bit just for experience. I do want my own place though. I need to be strategic about how I go about doing this. I want to really think this over. I am in no rush, but I can see that it will be time for me to move forward soon. 

I woke from a dream where I was living my life purpose. It really did not make much sense. I wish I would have wrote it down, but after waking up I could not make as much sense of what I was doing exactly. I seemed to be talking with a small group of people though and finding joy with what I was sharing. I am not sure if this means much, but something to think about. I am spending a lot more time working on my life purpose. I feel like I want to have a decent idea of what I am going to be going for. I know it will come though. 

I still need to work more on letting go of emotions. I am getting much better for sure. The sedona method has really helped so far. I do plan on working through that again and seeing what I can do there. I recover far sooner than I would have previously for sure. I can definitely get back to a good mental space fairly easily. I think forgiving people is powerful too. I am a lot better a apologizing too. I think that is really key. A good apology even I was "wrong" or not. I don't care about the vulnerability there. 

[Average Investor]

I feel like I am making a lot of progress on getting my health on track. I have a wealth of resources at my hand to work with, so I really want to get it done. I found some allergies today, but they are not that helpful for my stomach problem. I could actually even have SIBO possibly. I have not tested for that, but it seems to be a possibility. I am going to see if my doctor will possibly test for that. I am going to be doing a low fodmap diet too. I am still feeling a good bit better. It seems like I feel like crap after jucing again though, so it is really confusing on what might be the problem. Kind of why the idea of the bacteria makes sense. I feel like I am making a lot of progress though. I imagine I would feel great. 

I am really burnt out on toastmasters it seems like. It takes up so much time and energy. I am not really sure why I even want to do it anymore. I like contributing to it a bit for sure though, the morning one at least. It just feels like it has become a continuous routine of the same crap. I have gained skills for sure, but I think the returns are becoming more and more limited. The idea of finishing the DTM doesn't sound bad, but I could come back and do it anytime if I want. I actually did all of the harder stuff to get it. It seems like if I don't hold a speaking role, then it is just a waste of time. I am going to start pulling back on it. I am still going to do pros and cons to consider how I might proceed. I might do one group possibly. I did visit a group in Australia and that was actually pretty awesome. So maybe just cut the one group for sure and ponder more how I might go forward. 

I feel like I have hit a really interesting place in my growth. I don't feel like doing a ton of mental masturbation on videos. I actually don't have that many I want to listen to anymore. Mostly books seems to be my main pathway for knowledge intake anymore. It is much more fun and I retain so much more of it, then any other source for sure. I will still watch some videos. I probably should take notes on them more and be a bit more serious with some, but it doesn't seem nearly as effective for me. I feel like I have a wealth of knowledge that I need to just start implementing really. I am much more aware of my own personal things that are holding me back. I am getting much better results now by simply just knowing what I need to look for. Right now I am working on limiting issues with money. I have several more things in que too. I am still working on life purpose as well. 

I have been back thinking about doing a food related life purpose. Creating some sort of healthy niche foods that I want to see in the world. I would need to see if there is demand, but I bet there is some people like me. Maybe work that into eventually having super healthy fast food type places and various products. I have kicked this idea around for awhile in the past. I am not sure how in depth I would get with really trying to craft perfect foods. Now that I think of it I do have actually a lot of experience with flavors and creating recipes. I also ordered in a few books on natural medicines as well. So maybe possible to make like some sort of holistic healing products or something. 

Going to be doing a float tank session tomorrow. If it goes well I think I am going to start adding more of these into my routine. I am going to work on being less cheap and investing into myself more. 

 

 

[Average Investor]

I went and did a 60 minute float tank session today and it was amazing. I did yoga, meditation, and l-theanine before I went though too. I am going to go more for sure. I really need to invest into things that make me feel better. I want to try a few other things out in the future. For now though this really did the trick. I feel awesome today from doing that. I can tell that I could be much closer to that state if I really spent more time relaxing like that. It also really enhanced my mediation. Thoughts were much easier to let go than normal. I have been struggling with meditation duration a bit lately since I have been doing a lot of life style changes. 

I have some capital to work with now and I need to be really strategic. I am not going to be a cheap fuck like I had been with stuff. I really need to invest into some maintenance on my car. I am going to be doing a lot of business driving soon and I want it to be great. I also am going to pay someone to detail the inside. Not something that I typically would do since I had my own detailing businesses before. However, in this case my car is full of mold and I am allergic to mold. It needs a really through and precise cleaning. I usually take like 6 hours to really deep clean a car and I feel like I would possibly miss some mold. It's probably like $100-$200 to pay someone to fully do that. I am trying to delegate this stuff out now. I need to focus on getting my reselling revenue up and I can by getting stuff like this off my plate. Next thing will also be getting a CPA. Taxes are so stressful and I do know how to do it now, but I don't want to. It is way too much of a headache for me to deal with anymore. I think these are going to be super solid investments. 

On the same page with not being cheap. I need to go at it to get my health up to optimal. Whatever cost or expense it takes. 

After the car is all set up and ready to go. It is a suv, so I could put an air mattress in the back. I think I want to plan out a budget meditation retreat. Something where I really question what I want out of life. There are awesome spots I can travel to that are free around here. I would just need a bit of prep work, but I would spend most of my time out in nature anyway. I think this would be super beneficial. I have been wanting to do a retreat for a few years and this would be a cheap and easy way to do it. Plus I could take advantage of the clean car before I start hauling a bunch of crap again lol. 

I am going to work on journaling more again. I just don't want to make it some monotonous task. I feel like my last one was me just wasting time repeatedly talking about the reselling business. With that though I am back to having a goal. My current goal is to picture all of my posters. I am getting the ball rolling towards that. Hopefully all will be done in about 2 months. I am also going to really go at it in the hot sourcing months. This should be enough to really boost my cash flow for a life purpose. 

 

[Average Investor]

Going to be be starting the low fodmap diet tomorrow. Hopefully, this will help give me some clarity on my diet and how to proceed. I have been feeling better overall though so far with my progress. Just one thing at a time. I can tell I am having some issues with fully adjusting like a bit of ego backlash, but not terrible considering how many changes I am making. 

A cup broke that was full of water I had boiled and it went on my leg. Kind of annoying, but it is only a 1st degree burn it looks like mostly. I should have been a bit more mindful of that with that cup. It was like .75 liters of water too lol. It was really thick glass and hadn't had an issue, so I assumed it was good. Going to invest into a proper cup for this though. Kind of strange to think about things like this as possibly being positive. I mean the annoyance is bad, but I always wonder how things would play out if it had not happened. There is so much variables in this reality that cause drastically different outcomes. While I am sure I will forget about this in a week or two it definitely will keep me in check for now. I have been working on more of an urge to slow myself down more. Be more precise with my actions. Maybe this will serve as a good reminder to that. 

I started using a bit of the encyclopedia of natural medicine today to work with my sister. This book seems like an absolute gem to work on stuff. I realize that I can't simply just follow all procedures I see without more understanding. However, there is some really solid and practical stuff in this. I was helping my sister out with a few of her issues and helping her plan out some changes she can make. She is going to do the low fodmap with me too. Kind of stuck me when I was reading the book and it said her life expectancy was potentially 39% more likely to be shorter from having celiac disease. I recall when she first got it that they mentioned that. I covered that part, so she could not see it. I feel like we can beat those odds with more knowledge on the topic. I can imagine most people in that study did not have a lot of the information out now as well as the information we could find. 

I have been working on my relationship to money a lot lately. I can still feel a fair amount of resistance to even buy myself something nice. I am not going crazy, but I am working on adding some stuff into my life. One thing I notice for sure is that I almost never buy new clothes unless they are ruined lol. I only wear gray shirts from a 5 pack I got and a couple other gray ones. While I kind of like the idea of wearing the same thing daily I would like to maybe build my own style around it and get some nicer stuff. I notice I feel a bit more confident in a bit newer stuff that looks nice as well. Plus just nicer, best fitting, and more comfortable. Like I upgraded my belt and I notice my waist feels more comfortable. Might be a subtle thing, but that was well worth the $13. My previous one was torn up too. I imagine I adopted this mindset from my dad a bit. It isn't like I am going to go broke over spending a bit on extra clothes every now and then. I also need to work on just upping my cash flow in general, but that is not stopping me from just buying a $30 pair of pants or etc now. 

I am thinking about how I need to narrow my focus a bit more. I realize that if I keep investing so much time into toastmasters and stuff that deters my focus from getting something out of the way. Say if I had just went all in on reselling for 1 year instead of doing a lot of toastmasters plus reselling. Admittedly, I did like the groups a lot of though for most of that and I did explore another outlet for building a life purpose on. It's interesting to think of how much I actually impact those people in the groups. 

I think one of my main things is feel guilty for abandoning people. I notice that with toastmasters and even my mom and my sister. I feel bad to even tell them that I plan to leave. This is an upper limiting problem for sure. Like with my mom I can see that she has a bit of a hard time doing as much for herself these days. Her health isn't getting any better and the two hip surgeries have fairly limited her. My sister doesn't really have a father figure now that her dad is moved out of her. I can tell that she looks up to me a lot and follows me. I've never had much of a bond with a sibling or family member like I have had with her. It strangely feels slightly like raising my own kid. I think that is something that is really holding me in place right now. I need to let go of things at some point though. I have to allow people to grow and expand without me too. Not to say I can't call my mom or sister, but I know it would not quite be the same. 

 

[Average Investor]

I found out I was still eating a bit of kale today, so that has probably been causing me issues for awhile lol. I did actually have a bit more consistent energy with the low fodmap diet today. It wasn't too hard, but annoying for things like tea that has 10 ingredients. I did have more energy in the evening and I was doing posters. I got a fair bit done today and felt like I could have went at it more, but I am tired from getting up for toastmasters. I can tell with these days I need the laying down mid day mediation to help. 

I have been researching cookware and stuff a good bit. I found out that the coating on cups and plates contains cadmium, lead, etc. I had see some pieces contain up to more than 10,000X what they are allowed to have for things like lead. So cups with letters etc are good examples. These get scrapped off into the food. Not really that expensive to avoid these things. However, I imagine just the regular glass probably has something in it the further I look into this. 

One goal that I want to make is to have really nice pieces of cookware. Being that I cook the same things I lot there is only a few things that I use. I want to have the least toxins and over time invest into products that will last me a very long time. I enjoy cooking quite a bit too, so it is nice to have better gear. Mostly looking to cut toxins though right now. 

Going to be a lot more picky with the posters that I will be listing. I am going to make a pile of ones that are not worth it. I seem to save myself a lot of time just thinking about this stuff instead of just doing it. Now that I have listed about 150 posters for sale I have a good idea of what is good and what is not. I also have 5X of the same poster some times and I know the values or approx. values just looking at most now. 

I am wondering more if a lot of the speaking thing is just resistance at this point. I am pretty burnt out on doing the same repetitive things in those toastmasters groups. However, I am not sure that I am just not wanting to speak. I had so much enthusiasm for this for awhile. No doubt I want to continue to pursue a life purpose. I am going to keep working at it. I am going to work this month to practice again for the speech contest. I think I have a lot of resistance to that. I felt so done with it last time I did it for sure. I was actually annoyed to have to do it again. I took a good break from practicing and writing speeches right now. Now I have 30 days to practice again, which is actually more than I had last time lol. I have a bit more of toastmaster meetings to do. I counted like 16 before I can make any choices to leave other groups. Honestly, I want to give it a shot for doing in person again too. I think that would change the whole dynamic of it. I will just feel it out as I go. I am sure resistance and burnout could play a big factor.  

[Average Investor]

One big fear I have had is sky diving. I probably told myself a year ago I was going to do it. However, I am really considering it now. I want to continue to break out of my comfort zone. Not as much so physically anymore, but mentally. Another thing I want to do is just ask a girl in person for her number. I fell like that won't really be that hard. I notice more and more that I have done toastmasters that my confidence is much higher. I felt like doing it the other day, but I generally just don't know how to converse with strangers in general. That won't nearly be as difficult for me to do. I am fairly scared of the sky diving though to be honest. I hate elevators even for height still lol. Something about heights has always go to me. I have never been in an air plane either. I feel like this would liberate me of a lot of fear. 

I notice that I am starting to feel a lot more energy around working on my reselling business. The amount of hours I have been doing has just not been cutting it. I am doing slow and steady though. My performance is really starting to pick up though. I am going to keep getting all of this stuff pictured on a consistent basis. I am going to hit my goal of listing all of those posters. 

I decided to get a kettle bell for some at home work outs. I have not really been working out nearly as much. I am not really focused on just jogging all the time now. I feel like a lot of that was just like this discipline that I had built up. No doubt that helped a lot, but my last trip really broke me out of that. I was basically becoming robotic. I need to have a good amount of self love mixed with discipline. Being disciplined with the right things though. Having a balance that tends to my needs, but still pushes me. I am still working out for the most part, but not like how I was. I do want to jog still 1-2x a week. Have 1-2 days for toga days. Maybe a kettle bell workout day. Then I sprinkle in push ups and some weight lifting with those. Plus a day to rest fully. 

I notice that I am really interested in culinary stuff. From the gadgets to actually practicing a bit with getting good at making better food. I am still thinking about how I could maybe pursue that kind of passion. While I was talking about classes for my sister to take I was thinking of ones I would consider and that was one of them. I am going to spend some time researching what it would actually take to market and sell my own food products. I have a lot of skills built around this type of stuff already, so this might be interesting. I don't think my food in particular is all that fantastic since I only make a few items, but this is something I can expand on if I put the effort into it. 

 

 

[Average Investor]

Opened my door this morning to my cat who got hit by a car. His back legs were paralyzed and he was in a lot of pain. I went with him through the process of being put down. It was something I always avoided experiencing as a kid. Death hangs around us at all times and we try to avoid it a lot. It was sad, but I am glad that I was there to help him get put down. He even purred a bit while the drugs were sedating him. It was mostly sad to see him so distraught and in that condition. I took a lot of today to just process that. 

I want to start taking more action in my life. I really want to work on building a life with purpose. I've been getting distracted by so many things and I have lost a lot of opportunities. It feels like I have been running in circles chasing money and not even really getting any. although, I have gained a massive amount of personal development in the last few years for sure. I can't help but wonder how long these stomach issues have been affecting my health too. I have felt like shit for a long time. I have just progressively felt less like shit to really know what it feels like to just feel optimal I think. I need to put health at the top for now though. 

I really don't spend enough time contemplating and thinking about my life. I lack a lot there I feel like. I feel like I have to be coming to a close on finding a life purpose though. I have tried so many different things at this point. I can really see lately though how powerful and moving it is to just give someone else something without expecting something in return. I recall this lady on ebay I send her a free mouse and keyboard with her purchase. She messaged me with this long thing about how important that pc was because it was recovering he dads old files and notes after he had passed away that he kept on the large floppy discs. I had no idea at the time what it meant to her. I just had a lot of good sales at the time and I added those items in free because she mentioned she needed them. I think finding something like that to have in my purpose would be so powerful. 

I have not built in my vision time yet. I really need to start doing that more. I am going to mark that in my calendar. 

I am going to keep working on a big overhaul with how I interact with money. I want to wean myself off of this more and more and start to put focus on what really matters in life. These skills will help me out for sure though. I just need to got the middle road here with them. 

I feel pretty fearful about doing the sky diving. I think it will be best for me to schedule sometime in the near future. 

I am really loving reading lately and getting a ton of value out of it. It is really making some huge gains in my life. I should shift back into the life purpose course books again though. That will be really powerful. I want to ramp up my time on the course more too. 

[Average Investor]

I had a very intense dream, where I experienced this extreme feeling of love. Not like the lust full love. Like this pure feeling of love. Kind of like having a warm blanket over you, but in a feeling or total state. It was really intense. I find myself in the mornings hitting the 10 minute snooze a bit. In the ten minutes I can get into these intense dream states. It's kind of like rolling the dice on what I will experience. I was pretty sore from yesterday and tired, so I did it for 2 hours today lol. I feel really good after that. I laid there and contemplated  different purpose for awhile. Possibly something like studying toxins and nutrition. Maybe being some sort of detox coach or something like that. That sounded pretty coo. I could dove tail that with products or any other sort of thing if I wanted to. I notice I felt pretty good presenting stuff on toxins to my toastmaster group. I think the main thing with those groups is just the repetitive stuff. I like speaking. I felt great speaking actually. I can give a good flowign speech without even practicing if I know the content I want to talk about well enough. 

My one toastmaster group wants me to do a district role. I am not too sure how I feel about that still. I talked with them a bit. I need to still reflect on what I want. I did actually put my dreamboard up on the wall now too. I need more time to really think about these things. Not just writing here and thinking about it. I don't mind doing the speeches and all of that. I am just not sure at this point how much energy I want to invest into the groups aside from that. If I do want speaking to be part of my LP, then I think there is good value here. It could be possible to actually join more groups, but be less active in them and just speak. I am kind of doubtful most would appreciate that though lol. 

I am wanting to change a bit how I source items too. I want to do more auctions or storage units possibly. I might do some ads again on buying big lots of stuff. Or taking in old pcs for free, which I can sell the parts from. It would cut out a lot of time and energy most likely and fill me with a ton of stuff. I got a huge lots of power tools recently 10 minutes away and I have a massive pile of computer parts to sell. I still have a ton of posters too, so I am doing really well on brining in stuff even just casually now. I just need to be a little more creative with it. I will still use some old techniques for sure too. 

 

[Average Investor]

Alight, I left one toastmaster group. That was definitely the right decision. I felt like it has been dragging on too long. I no longer enjoy being around those people. I really need to get it together, when it comes to making those choices and do it faster. I am too much of a people pleaser I think. I need to employ more radical honesty as well. 

As for the other group. I do actually enjoy it a bit. I will keep it in mind as I go forward on what I will do there. 

[Average Investor]

Stopped at a garage sale and found a new coleman portable shower. I would have never thought of such a thing. I was wondering what I might do on the retreat. It was $1 too. That is one thing I love about being able to find stuff like that. So many useful things that I would not have thought of that I can find randomly. I am going to work more on planning this in the near future. 

It seems the car is leaking coolant near the water pump. It could be a hose if I am lucky. However, very lucky to find this right before I took it in. It only showed up because I had filled it up with coolant a bit. 

It really took a lot of energy out of me today and yesterday after I detailed a car and did some stuff to my car. I feel like I have just been fatigued and not motivated. I wondered if I am depressed, but there is more distinct thoughts with being depressed. It's like depression without really feeling down I suppose. I am interested in reading and such still. Just not moving around a lot etc. 

Really glad that I left one of the toastmaster groups. I wish I had the balls to just announce that to them in the meeting, but whatever. I am out of there. I'm not even so sure that I don't want to speak much. I just have been not getting a lot out of the group. I feel like it hogs up so much mental energy. I feel like I took on way too much tasks for them too. It just burned me out and pissed them off because I stopped caring about their PR stuff as much. To be fair they would constantly change or vote down what I wanted to do, so I just lost interest. I actually have the marketing doing fairly well in the other group. 

I have a big selection of different foods coming in tomorrow. Okay for me it is a pretty big selection lol. Once I am done with the low fodmap stuff I have a list of stuff I want to try out. I want to get a nice stainless steel pressure cooker and do some curry and stuff like that. I really want to have a few more different meals in rotation. I started doing more research with this https://cronometer.com/ calucator. I am going to see what I can do to keep bumping up my protein, but I am basically getting everything notionally at this point. I will touch on some small things that could use a boost. 

 

 

[Average Investor]

Low fodmap is going pretty good. I was able to figure out a certain kind of tea was making me sick. It has 3 ingredients, one I know doesn't effect me. I actually felt great adding a lot of new stuff in today. It was later once I added that tea as a test it caused the problem. 

I am hitting a some resistance with the life purpose stuff. I found a life purpose profile that seems to match up in one of the recommended books. I have not really went further though to see what use I can make of that though. 

I had a really good interaction with a really attractive girl. I was laughing and talking with ease. I usually don't know a lot what to say to new people, but this was fairly well. She followed up with more talking, so it seemed like she enjoyed the conversation. She is really good looking. I actually see her fairly often it seems like. She brings me my groceries or pick up. Maybe I will get her number sometime. I notice one thing that I thought about today was just the fact that I have a lot of work to do on myself. I am sure that most of the women I meet probably are not really working on themselves much. I feel like for example not being able to leave early on if it isn't right for me could be a problem. I did that in my last relationship. No doubt I have learned a lot since. I am also aware of this trap. I also have not really studied deeply into relationships. I have had quite a few though. I think there is lot of limiting beliefs here for sure. I am working on not caring about any outcomes either. Dating or not dating etc. Not getting my hopes up about someone that I don't even actually know. I should probably just get the number. 

I need to work on being more disciplined with my sleep. I still want a feeler for what works best though. I just don't want to keep sleeping in. It does feel pretty good though. Strangely it feels like I have a lot more time in a day even too. 

The weather has been lovely. I feel much more alive this time of year it feels like. Garage sale season, outside reading in the sun, hiking, etc. I need to push myself to go out and do more stuff too. 

[kag101]

Nice to hear that you've made progress & are feeling energetic. That's awesome!

Don't you think you're getting a little neurotic about finding a life purpose? Maybe it'll come to you naturally over time. 

22 hours ago, Average Investor said:

I should probably just get the number. 

I agree.

[Average Investor]

@kag101 Yeah, I think I am a bit for sure. I am kind of wanting to focus a lot of this stage of my life to figuring this out. However, I think a more relaxed approach can work too. I need a good amount of time to think and unwind on it I think. I did also consider that even dating or just meeting new people could result in me solving this as well. I guess in part it is hard to see how deeply passionate others are with their work and I just am at a base level of enjoyment right now. 

I feel like I need to make some big shifts in my life to really move on to the next stage. 

 

[Average Investor]

My energy and my mood seem to correlate a lot with the symptoms I have had. I took it light on tea (all decaf) today and I do feel a bit better. So it might just be the tea throwing it off. It kind of feels like I am chasing my tail though honestly. It seems like there is always something causing an issue. I am going to test just the peppermint tea only tomorrow and see how I feel. 

I am starting to integrate more of what I have learned with money recently. I really need to tone back the speculative investments. It causes me to much anxiety and just energy to think about. I have done quite well with that stuff though overall for sure. I still plan to have investments that are not in just big diversified things. I actually looked at my rotha ira and I have had 123% in gains since I started it last march. It did make up for me not having the most cash to do the research. I am still going to work on toning that down. I looked into a really diversified portfolio I can build and not really have to think about. It would not make sense for me to sell the investments that I have in it since I did the research and still have good reason to believe it will perform well. However, just moving forward I want less and less of the mental thought and energy going there. I am much more aware of finding deals that come up now too, but I don't really watch anything investment related. Honestly, I can't complain there. 

On the same topic of money. I am working on integrating more of the other money archetypes. One I can see I have a lot of resistance to is just having fancy things. I have nice stuff for sure, but appearance wise etc. I got this really nice gold seiko watch as a gift and I have wore it a couple times just because I have always felt too poor to wear it, or it was a status symbol, or even people would think negatively of me. I have had it for like 6 years now too. I am going to get it resized and wear it a little. I think just breaking out of that mold will help me grow. I have been getting some actually decent clothes too. I am actually putting a little attention into my attire. Might seem silly, but I think this is going to help me move forward a lot more with how I interact with money. I also think it would boost my confidence having some decent clothes. 

My lunch meals have been incredible lately with the new items I have been adding. I got these things called capers and some nice olives (not stripped of their nutrients) that are in red wine vinegar. It has really taken my quinoa to the next level. I have even been making myself sweet potato fries with spicy mustard. I am going to keep putting more thought and energy into this. Once low fodmap stuff is over I want at least 2-3 dinners and 2-3 breakfast things. It's going to take a good amount of time and energy, but I can do it. 

I notice that I have not really been as forceful with meditation. I am only doing about 50 minutes a day right now. My sessions are much deeper though for sure. I really get in a good state it seems like from doing it now. I am not having as much backlash from changing my schedule around so much. 

One thing I can see for sure is that I am not really as balanced in my life right now. I don't really talk to friends a whole lot. I don't interact with any family unless they life with me. Most of my attention has just been on business and personal growth. I have kind of been in this mode for a few years. Most of my time the last few years has been on growth. It's funny how I always think that I am not growing fast, but every year I am nearly unrecognizable. It's hard to believe how much things have changed. I need to balance in more fun, friends, etc. I could maybe even try to make a local friend, but I don't know. The one local friend I have we don't, but maybe every few months. It isn't really a solid friendship. Although, we have been friends for literally like 14 years lol. That is really hard to believe at this point. It's on me though for not talking to him much or hanging out. I just really am not into the stuff his friends and stuff are into. I would much rather hike or bowl if he wants to. I'm not going to worry about it much. I can see that I would need to water that a lot more if I wanted a full friendship. I just don't think that is what I want with them currently. 

I notice I have a little resistance on leaving the toastmasters completely. On one hand it seems so obvious that I am bored with those groups. One the other I can see that I am well suited as a leader and could be a speaker. It really compliments my greatest strengths. I think I just need to realize that a lot of it is not going to come from those groups. It has for a certain amount for sure. I mean I have been to over a hundred toastmaster meetings at this point. I was watching a video yesterday about a guy that left part of his hair unchanged from this really unique style he had going on. A wise man told him that he was serving two masters, suggesting at the hair. As if he had keep that part to retain that one image of him. It made sense to me that is kind of what I am doing with this. I am still in one group having all of these mixed thoughts and feelings. I don't like the idea of leaving those people to pick up where I left off. I ponder on how it would be to have that DTM award as an actual award of significance that I have received. How I might be getting close to finding or doing something with this that really sets me off. Then on the other hand most of the meetings are just the same shit. I am no longer with negative people at least lol. I am waking up eastly as fuck and draining a lot of time and energy from that day. On days I don't speak, which is 3 out of 4 meetings probably (like an actual speech) I don't really gain or progress much. I just don't feel as enthusiastic about it. I just can't accept that this is a plateau for mastery. It is just fucking boring.  I am still serving this master by doing it and contributing to it. I really need to get good at saying NO in my life to people. Not taking on roles, task, things, just to please or help. I need to be excited by the idea of it. 

[kag101]

11 hours ago, Average Investor said:

I need to balance in more fun, friends, etc. I could maybe even try to make a local friend, but I don't know.

Yes. Having fun with a friend is one of the best stress-relievers.

11 hours ago, Average Investor said:

I would much rather hike or bowl if he wants to.

Why don't you ask him that? Those things can be really fun =)

But like, do you usually have a good time when you're with him? Or is it one of those old worn-out "friendships"?

[Average Investor]

@kag101

2 minutes ago, kag101 said:

Why don't you ask him that? Those things can be really fun =)

But like, do you usually have a good time when you're with him? Or is it one of those old worn-out "friendships"?

We have had some really intense adventures. I can tell he doesn't resonate with a lot of the stuff I am into, which is fine. It's kind of 50/50. I feel like I have out grown a lot of the things he and his friends are into. I don't really vibe with his friends much either. He has invited me over and they are just smoking weed etc. 

I actually will ask to do that. He offers sometimes for me to go to the bar, casino, etc. I assume he doesn't ask much now because I don't go with him to those things. However, I have reinforced that I want to hike. Another issue is he usually does things that cost quite a bit. So he might invite me to do something, but it will cost me a couple hundred in equipment etc. I can afford it, but I don't spend hundreds of dollars usually to go do one thing. He makes quite a bit more, so for him it isn't an issue. 

[Average Investor]

@kag101 I actually messaged him and we are going to go on a hike sometime soon. 

[Average Investor]

I did the morning toastmasters and it actually went pretty good. I am going to work on getting them to not just do the same stuff all the time. I actually enjoyed it a bit today. I will still get a feeler for this as the months go on. I know with dropping the one group for now it has removed a lot of time and energy from my week taken. 

I actually felt really good today. I spent at least 6 hours detailing my car. This was definitely the most I have ever done for my own car. I wanted to deeply removed a lot of mold from the car. I removed massive amount of dust out of the seats and such. As well as a lot of mold. It looks incredibly good. I know this was something more in my zone of competence. However, I feel quite good doing these every now and then. That is why I originally went into business doing it. Just after so many in a row it gets very tiring. It takes way too much energy. I would want to charge like 400-$500 if I went to that extent on someone's car. I plan on investing in some nice weather tech stuff that covers the 3rd row an the back cargo area for moving inventory. This will really preserve the work I did. I should also feel better after driving. I am allergic to dust and mold, so no way all of that was doing me any favors. All of the seat belts were lined with mold and many pockets under the seats etc. I feel like a good cleaning of things really helps pick up my mood and energy. I also think if I want to attract females that they won't be impressed with a suv full of ebay inventory and all dirty from hauling a ton of used stuff and being 18 years old lol. Maybe I can look into outsourcing the detailing in the future, but this was worth while for me for now. Also, it will be really easy to maintain this cleaning since I already did all of the hard stuff now. 

I have been making some serious investments into my car. I think this is quite wise. I also am working on letting go of any attachments. I find it easy to really get stuck on ownership etc of something with all of the time, money, energy, etc. I am optimistic that this will pay me great dividends over time. 

I imagine that something with one of those teas was causing me to have digestion issues. I feel really good today and minimal burping/other symptoms. I can tell that I am going to get wrecked pretty fast if I start burping a lot it seems like. I still have some symptoms for sure, but not nearly as bad. I will do some testing with them. 

I think I might be putting in too much theory vs practice right now. I have a pile of books that I am going to work through doing the practices on. I do notice I am getting a lot of benefits though. Even if I apply one really good concept from a book to my life and forgot the rest. It is hard to do all of the extra things though for sure, when I read a few books a month. I am just not putting in enough time to integrate them. I suppose I need to make the distinction on what will be best for me though. 

I am going to work on getting everything all cleaned up and organized again. I feel like that will help put me more on track. I want to work on taking a lot more ownership for my income right now. I feel like I can totally be earning a lot more than I currently am. I know that is not the key to everything, but I know that I need more independent to really create the life I want. My income is just not cutting it. I feel like the energy has been quite limited though for awhile. That is an excuse, but it really does take a toll. Maybe more balance and getting my health on track will really set me off to getting my income to raise a lot this year. 

[Average Investor]

Working on building back up with my discipline. I feel like a big chunk of it has just been a lack of energy for so long though. I am able to sustain most of the day now it seems like lately. I am picturing 20 posters per day right now, which is 100 per week. That is a good number for me to be on track with right now. I am making a lot of progress on the posters. I have put them on the back burner for quite some time, so to come in and have them going like this is nice. I am putting off any distractions to picture other items that would sell faster. I just want to stay in the groove and keep at these. 

I am feeling better towards the toastmaster group I am still in. I feel like that group is much more supportive and knowledgeable. I am considering still finishing my dtm. I feel like continuing to build my speaking skill at this pace is more well rounded. I am on the track for mastery, but I am not 100% sold on it. I can tell it is really useful though. Leadership is one thing that really seems to fit my personality and the things I do. I naturally gravitate towards leadership. I think with just one group it really lays off the pressure and I can still do it. I enjoy creating good speeches. I am more relaxed now and not really pressured to perform. I think that is the biggest thing that has held me back from creating a sustainable LP. I really just need to fully enjoy what I am doing and build a good pace to go at it. surely, I will hit a dip and resistance though too. Not discounting hard work either. I think all of that plays into it. I just need to not do such a big load of work at the start that it throws it off. I notice I am tempted to do more hours of posters for example right now, but I just need to pace myself. Maybe move it to 3 hours sometime soon a day. Which is honestly great. 

It seems like I have been having issues on and off with tea it seems like. I have not really got fully to the bottom of that. I experienced some fatigue today for a bit, but I got myself to really push the limit today. I am getting so much stuff done with much more ease overall. 

I need to practice more for the speech contents. I have not really been practicing much. Ironically, I made a better speech this time without really even practicing. I was able to do it really well without even practicing. I need to practice though. Even once a day would help a lot. I don't mind too much on the result. I am just going to relax and have fun with it. That is what ruined it for me last time. 

 

[Average Investor]

I pulled a muscle in my back just as I was starting to ramp things up! I probably went a little too hard I think with hiking, running, and doing the posters. The posters kind of puts my back at a weird angle. So I have taken some time to rest. I am actually feeling a bit better from it today. I think in a few days I will probably be mostly back up to speed. 

I am going to commit to spending $180 a month on floating. I have been getting some massive meditation benefits, when I go. These session are by far the best I get. The effects last nearly 4 hours of a meditative state through the day. It carries on later into the day much more subtle and chilled. I'm going to commit to making more money, so I can keep doing stuff like this. I really need to invest deeply into myself. I notice I am much less stressed and more productive from it too. 

I am facing some of the resistance with doing the speech coming up. I have 8 days (7 really now) to prepare for it. That is honestly more than enough time. I have already done this speech extemporaneously twice. I just want to polish up the intro heavily, gestures, and work on making good eye contact with the camera. I think it will go really well though overall. I am going to be a lot more chill this time I think over the whole thing. 

I am really getting quite a bit out of these life purpose books and course so far. I have been stalling up on the course a bit. I am working on values. I am on and off with taking breaks on it right now. I am reading the books though that compliment it too. There is for sure a good amount of resistance here. That will be the next book that I go for will target resistance. 

I could see myself being a really good business consultant. I have already done that in the past and helped someone get a lot of success. I am not sure that is the exact route that I prefer though, but it is an option. I can tell solving problems is likely my zone of genius. I seem to be really good at helping others break down their problems in a easy way and giving solutions. 

I notice that one thing I have a problem with is trusting others. I can tell this really erodes the quality of my relationships. It's kind of like this defense that I put up. I've had a lot of really low quality relationships in my life. From dating, friendships, to my parents. I've had my friends steal my car, my dad steal my money, and really had a lot of deep pain from my past girlfriend. These people were very under developed. A lot of stage red and blue. It's really made it hard for me to have really deep genuine connections. I have had such a hard time entertaining the idea of a girlfriend for so long because I just don't want to be hurt. Friendships aren't as hard for sure. The depth and the meaning though I feel can be effected from this. I tried to reconnect a bit with my dad, but it feels like a task. It's cool that I at least approached him and talked. After 7 years of no talking it isn't like it really has any meaning anymore. He was a big pile of shit, when he took care of me as well. I thought about just using the radical honesty concepts with him, building forgiveness with him, then maybe just never talk to him again. I'm really not sure what actual value I would get out of having him in my life. It sounds harsh, but I honestly don't know the point of it right now. It's more of a task, than anything. I won't make any final choices though now. It seems more loving to talk with him, but I just don't know. I also understand that his behavior came from his level of development and life experiences. 

Not to say that I have not built some really good friendships over the years either. I can just see this as an area that I really need to work on. If I could trust a woman to be in my life it would probably really enhance how I live. I need to learn to allow others to trust me more though too. Not that I think I am not trust worthy, but work on acting more on others best interests and not just my own. 

I am watching a bit more investing stuff again. I don't feel anxious about it though really. I seriously need to work on looking at prices at certain dates though. I just waste time and mental energy. I am still working on balancing out my portfolio and such. Stocks are really over priced mostly right now anyway lol. It's still interesting to build out strategy with my retirement account. I really need to focus the extra funds into diversified funds though and do a bit less of the research I think. Research the funds well for sure, but that takes a lot less time, than individual stocks. I have been kicking some ass on single stocks for sure though. I see the need to step back more. I will still treat it like a hobby. I don't mind looking into a company here and there. It's all in the balance.