Love and Merging

[Himalaya]

I wanted to share an experience of love that happened with other. A woman that I admired for some time for her beauty, openness, flowing nature, child-like qualities, innocence, and caring qualities. Watching this woman flow in of itself is a transformative experience. 

Deep in mediation I saw a belief structure that no woman like that could possibly love me. Seeing this literally opened the floodgates of love. I had a deep seeing and recognition that not only it wasn't true that such a woman wouldn't love me, but that she was me. The veil of separation lifted and I could see and feel her in her purity, exquisiteness, like I was part of every cell of her being. All the while surrounded by a sweet soft lovingness. The recognition of our non separateness itself was love. 

This has continued in meditation with her where there is a sense of shared space and shared timeless knowing. A shared womb-like space of shared godly loving. Her admission of the same shared space and strong psychic connection literally caused my energy centers to explode open. 

I am not in relationship with this woman and in complete awe and bliss around this experience. 

I wanted to share here because of the perceived openness of this community to this and from a curiosity if anyone else has had similar experiences. I am a PhD science guy so this is out of the realm of what I thought was possible and likely the reason why I am attracted to Leos work. 

 

 

 

[Username]

Sounds like you found your Twin Flame. I had somewhat similar experience.

[Hulia]

@Himalaya Aren´t you sad that you are not in relationship with her?

 

[Hulia]

@Himalaya OK, I´ll tell you my story. Yes, I had something of that kind too. Many times of  non-separateness with a man. But one night was special. I was in my bed and felt his presence as many times before. But I felt also that his attention was not on me. It was like he were in my room just doing his stuff and being aware that I am there too. I didn´t know what "his stuff" was but I perceived it like he was conducting an orchestra rising with the melody higher and higher. With that feeling of his presence and "sweet soft lovingness" I fell asleep. I woke up in the night in all senses of the word. Different to other times before it was not for him, by him, with him... Because there was no him. There wasn´t even me. Or everything was me. ME, ME, ME! The walls of my room, the warddrobe, the lanterns outside were dissolving, flowing, glowing..  If I have to describe it by 2 words. They are: I EXIST. No more qustions, no more doubts. I EXIST. 

I guess, my friend had a very deep enlightenment that night, I´ve got a glimpse. But I wasn´t prepaired, I had no clue. I was not concious. Later I read the books about it, tried to meditate ( withouts much success), did yoga. I had some precious moments of blissfulness. But I have never had such an intensive insight any more. 

 

Edited December 18, 2020 by Hulia

[Himalaya]

@Hulia Thank you for sharing you story! I can relate to the feeling of no more his and her presence, just one presence, that which feels like pure awareness. I had an experience like this with a partner in bed during lovemaking. Felt like we were merging just lying beside each other with just soft touches -- in that state sex would have felt barbaric. 

RE Sadness: I felt a part of me that was screaming with grief before merging. The part was screaming at the pain of separation from her, from my passed on family, from myself, from all that is. There was no sadness the moment of connection, was like all of existence was in a celebration, absolute blissful. 

In terms of normal relationship, she is in a position of authority (i.e. a mentor of mine) so it just wouldn't work. That didn't stop these experiences from happening. I am well aware of the psychodynamics of transference and would be more open to those experiences continuing happening with someone else outside of that context. 

 

 

 

[Himalaya]

@Username I am curious about your experience. 

[Hulia]

"Transference (German: Übertragung) is a phenomenon within psychotherapy in which the feelings a person has about their parents, as one example, are unconsciously redirected or transferred onto the therapist. It usually concerns feelings from a primary relationship during childhood." Wikipedia 

Was she your therapist?

I had once an amazing dream. Later on we married (not a dream). Each of us. 

One night I suddenly found myself in his flat in the living room. He lied down on the sofa. I joined him. The sofa was narrow as they are, there wasn´t enough place for me so I shifted down and laid my head on his hip. We both were quiet didn´t exchange a word just were enjoying the presence of each other. And fell asleep. We were waken up by his wife. She entered the living room and switched on the light. She tore us out of sleep abruptly. What a strange situation, how could I get into this? What to say to her, how to explain? But she didn´t even look at me. She spoke and spoke and spoke. He gave her tired and short answers. She was annoyed but not because of me. What struck me suddenly: she doesn´t see me! Even my friend seemed to forget that I am here and neglected me completely. Such a strange experience. I went past them, nobody taking a notice of me, through the living room into the corridor and out of the flat. I went downstairs into the yard. It was early morning, the light was grey, the yard was empty,  I didn´t know what to do and where to go. I just wandered in the yard and looked at everything. 

It was one of that 3-dimentional and very real dreams. I am almost sure I was really there - in that flat and in that yard. 

[Hulia]

Do you know, what I do if a thought of him emerges (they still do!). I imagine that I have 1 Mio $ on my bank account and register that its just a thought that strikes an emotion, not the realitiy. The same with the thoughts about him (so absurd).

If I think something of the kind "He loves me"- Bang! An imaginary debit on imaginary account in an imaginary bank.

If I think something of the kind "He doesn´t love me, he never did. Nobody ever did" - Bang! An imaginary credit on imaginary account in an imaginary bank.

And then it makes no sense. Love cannot be portioned on accounts. There are no banks for it. No sense to earn and save imaginary dollars for imaginary bills to come. 

With this method I can keep my thoughts out, just a milimeter away from my forehead. But they are still there, like a swam of bees, ready to attack every moment and sting the chest and the stomach with emotions. 

 

Edited December 19, 2020 by Hulia

[Hulia]

On 19.12.2020 at 1:44 AM, Himalaya said:

In terms of normal relationship, she is in a position of authority (i.e. a mentor of mine) so it just wouldn't work. 

Maybe it wouldn´t. Maybe! But maybe it would. But you´ve predefined already everything. Exactly like my mother...

[Himalaya]

@Hulia She is my body worker and we do sometimes do nice breath-work and energy work together.  I will keep an open mind and will see her again next week :). Will share and explore this experience with her. No sense in predefining as you say. In awe at these little mysteries and magical moments of life. 

[Hulia]

@Himalaya I guess this decent woman shared with you what body working is before doing that nice exercises.