Spiral Regression after Bad Shroom Trip

[Lews Therin]

Hello dear friends.

A few days ago i had and interesting experience

I had a huge bad trip ("maybe i should just kill myself" type). It had to do with thoughts of my mind deteriorating. (And some Eldritch terrors).

At some point, it felt as if my mind started locking itself, stage by stage, to cut out the self destructive thoughts and emotions, as if the different functions of my brains where shut out one by one. It all happened relatively fast and by the end i felt sort of like i imagine a big ape feels. At that point, there was no more bad trip. I felt as if i had lot acces to something, but it didn't seem to matter.

It generated some weird moments. Even though i "knew" moving the mouse would light the screen of the pc, but when i moved it, it felt like magic that the light went on. I realised i had lost access to linear logic. I couldn't line up thought and establish a story for example, nor think of math. It felt very primal. I knew the inteligence was sort of "there", but i couldn't organise in a way to formulate complex thoughts.

I was also back to beige, and there even wasn't much an "I" beyond the instincts.

So i went to my brother's room, and tryed to talk with him, but it was hard, i had to say what i wanted in one sentence or i couldn't. Uderstanding what he was saying also implied it being short. He went back to watching Entourage and i watched a little. It was funny how now even Ari Gold and his personal management style (screaming) seemed so advanced to me.

After leaving his room i went to the kitchen to eat something, couldn't care much that moments before i was thinking life had to end, i was hungry.

After eating something, i started to walk around the kitchen and i had a weird sensation, sort of the sensation of a light, pleasurable breeze happening in my brain, and my perception of time felt to change a little. It was Linear Logic coming back. I knew right away, and the fact that i knew it right away was also a sort of proof.

I went back to talk with my brother, now we could have normal conversations again. We talked a lot about Archeology and even a bit about a Terence McKenna book he had. During the talk i realised i could understand the Purple values with ease, meaning i was already beyond them. I was back to thinking about SD, but in my mind it seemed almost like and ideology i wanted everyone to know and appreciate. So guess i was somewhere between Blue and Orange.

That day ended without much else happening. When i woke up the next day, logic was doing its thing in my mind, although it did seem a little less natural than before the trip. As i was eating breakfast, i realised i did not care much about the environment, wich was weird, since generally i tend to aways be preoccupied with it, getting really angry at the thought of people cutting down the rainforest.

I also realised that this little difference in the mode with wich my mind behaved made it really similar to how i felt a few years before. "Being" felt very much like it felt when i was at Stage Orange.

I spent the day on the internet and reading a little.

By night, i also realised my mind wasn't naturally deconstructing thoughts and simbols as it used to do, only if i decided to, but then it felt weird.

So i decided to do an exercise, i sat at meditation pose and procceded to imagine and "feel" the values of each stage (by imagining the people who live at that stage and by remembering how was my experience with each stage, starting at beige and going up.

It all went naturally, altough it took much longer than it generally does. Up to Stage Orange.

For some reason i couldn't feel the green values, i could imagine them, but not feel, it felt phony.

After sometime, i realised something, my logic mind wasn't a bit different from what i had been using the last year more or less, it was VERY different.

I had been using LINEAR logic for the last day, whereas before the trip i had been using the so called Vision-logic. The difference became so clear! That's why deconstruction didn't feel natural, because it is not a mode of operation of Linear Logic, whereas by using Vision-logic it is a normal part of the mind operation, and therefore almost an instinctive thing.

With that realisation i had a sensation similar to that of the day before, that my perception of time was changing again, changing from a linear to a sort of "volumous" time.

It was an intense trip, and i'm just now beggining to think i'm back to somewhere close to the point i was before the trip, specially in terms of values (as oposed to cognition). that said, it seems to have been worth it, if only for the insights.

The main insight being that the different values of each "MEME are reflections of different "operating brain systems" that each one use, that's why you can't make an Orange Person care much about Green Values (wich result from entering vision-logic). Nor make a BEIGE/purple understand Blue and Orange values (wich are values that stem from Linear-Logic).

But also helped me understand why, as a Green, it was so hard for me to understand Orange people, i didn't remember that both logic and time flow differently by that point of cognitive development.

Anyways, it was a very different trip, that helped me visualise a lot of things that before i only "sort of" understood conceptually. So i thought i might share it with you guys.

For those who may wanna know, i took something around 4 - 5 g of shrooms with a joint on the come-up.

Edited December 6, 2020 by Lews Therin

[kag101]

First, consider whether you're abusing psychedelics. 

22 hours ago, Lews Therin said:

I had a huge bad trip ("maybe i should just kill myself" type). It had to do with thoughts of my mind deteriorating. (And some Eldritch terrors).

These types of experiences are a big red flag!

 

I also think that you're too caught up with spiral dynamics. Maybe you're somewhat addicted to categorizing the world using this model. 

 

22 hours ago, Lews Therin said:

I went back to talk with my brother, now we could have normal conversations again. We talked a lot about Archeology and even a bit about a Terence McKenna book he had.

Was that a good conversation?