Existential Anxiety

[Dlavjr]

I've been experience an extreme sense of discomfort in my own body and it's been leading to me having some pretty bad anxieties. For whatever reason, the awareness of my own existence, or rather lack of existence, makes me feel anxious and uneasy. The strange part to me, is that it's not the thought of it that makes me anxious, and I'm not feeling fear. At least I wouldn't say that I'm fearful of my own existential understandings. I often associate the awareness of presence to be a beautiful and freeing thing, especially in a time of political and economic tension. It's the realization that I am essentially trapped in a body, seeing through a perspective, living life through an ego that I can never truly drop, that starts to make me uncomfortable. If the awareness gets really strong, I can feel my whole body, every joint and every nerve. Fighting the urge to feel these things only makes my anxiety heighten, but I was wondering if anybody feels that existential anxiety, or at least something similar? Essentially, how does one get through life once you've become extremely aware of what you are? 

Also, I do meditate, but I find that I experience high anxiety in doing so, maybe it's just something I have to sit with and make peace with, I'm not very good at meditating ever since my initial awakening of oneness of being, it's like I had the stark realization of my own godhood and immediately afterwards my mind couldn't shut up about it, like a teenager that just lost his virginity. I guess I see what people mean when they imply that this work is essentially driving yourself insane. 

[Nahm]

6 minutes ago, Dlavjr said:

is that it's not the thought of it that makes me anxious

Yes it is. 

[Dlavjr]

18 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Yes it is. 

Can anxiety only exist/manifest through thought? 

[Nahm]

@Dlavjr

If you don’t like it, pick another story that resounds being.