Self-deceptions, speculations and neurotic patterns are easily forgotten

[Vittorio]

I want to share one of the many insights I learned by doing integration work after I did my last skull cracking over the top violent brutal barbaric 400 ug 1cP-LSD trip.

I made this trip because I have been in a totally uncompatible relationship for many years and I wanted to find a way to close it once and for all and moving on.

I did other 2 trips before, with lower dosages and always on the same topic, but I was not ready to break up with her (I came back to her).

For years I thought it was impossible to breakup with my gf.

I felt myself being in a cage.

I thought there was no way out for me and that I was condemned to stay in that deeply unsatisfying relationship forever and ever.

I thought I could never have another life without her.

I couldn't even imagine a different future without her.

I felt stuck and I was frustrated about being stuck.

After doing the trip and breaking up, I totally forgot about all the struggle and the fears I lived for such a long time (for years).

I just dismissed everything as if nothing ever happened and accepted my new reality just like that.

I beat myself up for such a long time and then, after I “solved” the issue, I immediately switched to the next task.

Looking away from the fact you beat yourself up, speculated a lot and imagined all the sorts of negative outcomes, turns out to be a self-deception itself.

If you don't notice it, you'll miss out the chance to become aware of the fact you practically wasted time before and of the time you wasted.

This proves me that not only "everything" is possible and that we are self-deceiving and convincing ourselves that something is/isn't possible or is/works in a certain way, but that we are speculating a lot in these situations, where we feel stuck.

Let’s say you have some really important university exam and that, passing this exam, is (metaphorically speaking) a matter of life or death.

The days before the exam you eat your head by filling your mind with neurotic obsessive negative thoughts and scenarios, where you think about all the possible negative outcomes and you fear that you won't pass the exam or make it in time to study everything you need.

This really hinders your ability to sleep, eat and study well for those days.

And then, the day of your exam comes.

You do the exam and then you’ll start eating your head again for days, while waiting for the result.

Did I pass it?

Oh no, I think I forgot that.

Oh shit, I should have written that other thing.

Finally, you discover you passed the exam.

You breathe a sigh of relief and feel yourself happy about that.

You go out with your friends celebrating your success and you completely forget about your neurotic behavior and all the fear, anxiety, and struggle you felt.

This is a behavior and mind pattern we constantly repeat in our lives.

This happens mainly because we are not present enough and we get in a descendent negative spiral, without being aware of that.

The ultimate solutions to that are being present, stop worrying about things you cannot control and focus on the things you are doing NOW and you can do, IF that bad thing you fear, would ever happen instead.

The rest is pure speculation.

You have to stop speculating about things and see reality as a form of finite states, which has no meanings, e. G. instead of saying: “I still have to study that and that! I won’t make it” and fall in despair, reframe that to something like “I am actually at page x. Now I am studying the rest. If I do so and so and study so and so, I can make it in time”.

Instead of saying: "Something is happening because", just say "Something is happening".

Don't attach meaning to things and see them for what they are.

Last thing: think deeply about the time and energy you wasted back then.

Notice the giant self-deception you were living at that moment and see how you just shrugged off and moved to the next task and repeat that pattern in other situations.

Hope it helps!

Edited October 7, 2020 by Vittorio

[billiesimon]

Yeah, it definitely happens that way. Nice explanation ✌️