Forum Entries that I find useful

[Preety_India]

 

I read your original post and most of the thread and fair enough its your decision and your view and i dont think anyone would be able to convince you otherwise. However i disagree with your premise that marriage is somehow sacred. 

If you look at most of human behavior it has its roots in evolutionary biology, marriage in the past has been very different to how we see it now. Most actions were made with the express purpose of assuring reproduction of ones genes and survival. In the past and maybe to some extent today marriage was a way for a man to restrict the sexual freedom of women to ensure that his genes were passed on through his wife, if marriage wasnt there his wife could sleep with whoever and there would be no way to know who impregnated her. Also it allowed the man to sleep with other women and maybe impregnate them but even if that didnt work the wife was still there and she would face harsh repercussions were she to sleep with anyone else. 

From the womans side their goal, evolution wise, is to have kids and make sure those kids are looked after. So their actions are to not only have sex and reproduce but also make sure that they are seen as having a good reputation so that a partner can trust them not to sleep with others so that hes comfortable to stay with her knowing the kids are his. This is why women defend their reputation as if they have a bad one its less likely a man will settle down with them. Its why women may lie about how many partners theyve had and claim less and a man would do the opposite. 

It should also be noted that marrying for 'love' is a relatively new phenomenon, traced back to around 150 years ago, before then you would marry to join families or for political and social gain, many marriages were arranged. Really marriage was a way to structure a blue society, similar to what some people like Jordan Peterson advocate today. So essentially marriage was a construct to benefit men and sexually control women. Also worth keeping in mind a lot of women were diagnosed by doctors as having hysteria (being horny) in which the treatment was for the doctor to masturbate them. 

So that brings us to today where it feels like women are now the ones pushing for marriage, we may say that they have been convinced that the values set in place by men have been internalised and through modern marketing, disney films etc, marriage has been given a romantic and all encompassing value by women. Ultimately society would want people to get married as that can keep them under control, and thats not necessarily a bad thing, but this is why i dont think theres anything sacred in a societal construct. The fact that people say its sacred goes to show how good the marketing was for it. 

I believe these evolutionary factors are the main reasons people would get married, have sex etc especially from SD stage red to orange, once you get to green and above i feel that you can start realising what truly loving someone entails. Most marriages will occur from red to orange so if most are not aware of what truly loving another is then just because they get married why would it automatically become sacred and deeper, in truth its just a story to wrap around the reality. 

I would encourage you to explore some of these ideas that ive tried to sum up, as i think the way you are strictly tied to your beliefs can actually limit your growth as a person. As @Preety_India said, sex without marriage can be incredibly meaningful, more so than married sex. If you just have one view, that its all about one night stands and whatnot you miss out on the reality of what it actually is.     

 

[Preety_India]

 

16 hours ago, Consept said:

I read your original post and most of the thread and fair enough its your decision and your view and i dont think anyone would be able to convince you otherwise. However i disagree with your premise that marriage is somehow sacred. 

If you look at most of human behavior it has its roots in evolutionary biology, marriage in the past has been very different to how we see it now. Most actions were made with the express purpose of assuring reproduction of ones genes and survival. In the past and maybe to some extent today marriage was a way for a man to restrict the sexual freedom of women to ensure that his genes were passed on through his wife, if marriage wasnt there his wife could sleep with whoever and there would be no way to know who impregnated her. Also it allowed the man to sleep with other women and maybe impregnate them but even if that didnt work the wife was still there and she would face harsh repercussions were she to sleep with anyone else. 

From the womans side their goal, evolution wise, is to have kids and make sure those kids are looked after. So their actions are to not only have sex and reproduce but also make sure that they are seen as having a good reputation so that a partner can trust them not to sleep with others so that hes comfortable to stay with her knowing the kids are his. This is why women defend their reputation as if they have a bad one its less likely a man will settle down with them. Its why women may lie about how many partners theyve had and claim less and a man would do the opposite. 

It should also be noted that marrying for 'love' is a relatively new phenomenon, traced back to around 150 years ago, before then you would marry to join families or for political and social gain, many marriages were arranged. Really marriage was a way to structure a blue society, similar to what some people like Jordan Peterson advocate today. So essentially marriage was a construct to benefit men and sexually control women. Also worth keeping in mind a lot of women were diagnosed by doctors as having hysteria (being horny) in which the treatment was for the doctor to masturbate them. 

So that brings us to today where it feels like women are now the ones pushing for marriage, we may say that they have been convinced that the values set in place by men have been internalised and through modern marketing, disney films etc, marriage has been given a romantic and all encompassing value by women. Ultimately society would want people to get married as that can keep them under control, and thats not necessarily a bad thing, but this is why i dont think theres anything sacred in a societal construct. The fact that people say its sacred goes to show how good the marketing was for it. 

I believe these evolutionary factors are the main reasons people would get married, have sex etc especially from SD stage red to orange, once you get to green and above i feel that you can start realising what truly loving someone entails. Most marriages will occur from red to orange so if most are not aware of what truly loving another is then just because they get married why would it automatically become sacred and deeper, in truth its just a story to wrap around the reality. 

I would encourage you to explore some of these ideas that ive tried to sum up, as i think the way you are strictly tied to your beliefs can actually limit your growth as a person. As @Preety_India said, sex without marriage can be incredibly meaningful, more so than married sex. If you just have one view, that its all about one night stands and whatnot you miss out on the reality of what it actually is.