Me Some What Censored, Mostly Uncut

[T1r1on]

I couldn't post yesterday. My internet was out from the storms we had, and a tornado took out the cell tower. So calling anyone is a pain in the ass. But, that's just a hazard you accept when you move into Oklahoma. They got the internet up so I can post now (yay). But, it'll take a while before they get the cell tower back up. Maybe tonight, but most likely tomorrow. 

I didn't really do much yesterday I was bussy watching for a tornado and getting prepared for that. You never know when one will go through town, so I keep an oh shit bag just in case. There some stuf that I take out of it so I need to put it back, like medicine. When get storms like this a part of me always hopes that a tornado will take out my job (lol).

[T1r1on]

I drew almost all day. I haven't done that in years. I got alot of flow states, and I noticed that I got better. It may be because I've worked on not rushing things, but it's more than that. It seems like as I mature my skill naturally grows with me.  This aplies over several things I do. It's a pretty cool thing to see in action. 

Tomorrow I plan on making some visual reminders of goals I have. I have a tendency to wander off and do other things. Generally, they are still productive, but still they are off course. So I'm going to set up goals the right way. And by putting effort into the process it makes me remember the goals easier. 

I found a few projects that I'm going to do that will make some of my other hobbies easier and better. For example, I make foam armor and stuff. I found a way to make hot knife for about 10$, and that's on the high side. A hot knife is just a tool that cut the foam with a heated wire instead of having to use a box knife. The best part is replacing the hot wire won't cost anything for the rest of it's lifetime. As opposed to replacing a razor blade every 5 or 6 projects. 

I haven't played a game or touched the tv in almost 2 weeks now. It's had quite a nice impact on me. I only use youtube to learn or listen to motivational speeches which has also had a major impact on my life. In all I would say things are going really well. I still have some distractions, but those are helping others grow. So, I let it slide a little.  Soon I won't have those either. Then I'll be bored, which leads to me doing stuff. With the right direction, that stuff will make me grow. I can't wait to see where the little changes I make today will bring tomorrow.

[T1r1on]

It was a nasty day today. It rained all day which is fine. It's the cold part I didn't like. I have to work out side and being wet and cold sucks. At least we didn't have any tornadoes. 

I finished the logo for my sisters larp. It came out fairly nice. If I had more time I could make it better. I might work on it more in the future. My brother in law is all set up and ready to go, but he has no coal. So, we have to wait on that. 

I decided I'm going to write a book. I like writing, but I never have the time to sink into it. I'll do a little at a time until I can write more. I have a slew of other things that I want to do as well, so time management is the name of the game for a while. Plus I still have alot to learn before I start writing. A refresher course on grammer would help alot.

I have alot on my plate. I need to make more money to get out of a hole. Most of the ways that I can make enough are going to take a long time. If I get a different job I'll most likely lose free time. Thst really doesn't matter though as there aren't really any jobs left where I live. So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to find a website that I can market myself on to make enough to get out of my rut. Now I need to find that site. A little more research never hurt anyone.

[T1r1on]

I really need to set some goals. I have all this time and no direction,  so I occupy my time with other things. They come in handy, but still I could do them once I start earning enough to leave my job. On the upside I found about 15 websites that I can I start making money on. And I made a device for slicing styrofoam. This will be extremely helpful ib the near future. 

I know alot about alot, and I have been making "props" for close to 4 years now. I think I need to find a way to start making money doing this. I've been giving some of my inventions away lately. I'm running out of space for things. I should sell them online or maybe start making stuff for other people. Either way there's 2 points of atack. I'll mow it over some more. 

I hate asthma. Anytime I get nasal related issues it affects it. Allergies set it off. Hell, popery sets it off. Is there a hypoallergenic town anywhere? I need to reaserch this.

My dreams have been more vivid lately. It's pretty cool.  I've been keeping a dream  journal just to remember them. They can be incorporated into stories and such later. I even write about nightmares.  You never know when a little horror wil come in handy. I have nightmares about stares sometimes. I wonder where these come from. More reasech is required.

[T1r1on]

I found an article that has 400 websites that you can make money through today. I read the whole thing and narrowed it down to 25. I still need to do mare narrowing and start testing. Who knows, maybe ill gind a new source of income. I'll just it to the top of the other things ill be doing. And if nothing else it may get me a tank of gas and some lunch. 

I have been having a reapeting dream about being in a school with 100s of flights of stairs. Some go to the top and others dead end. I made it into the library once.  Some how I came through a ventilation shaft. Anyway, there was a creature in there hunting me. I got out there then I woke up. Like I said it's recurring, and that means like 4 times a weak. It started about 4 months ago. I think there might be a reason for it. Hmmmm, I don't know, but I will find out.  

[T1r1on]

I have been singing up for alot of stuff.  I have an account for surveys, mock juror, writing articles, fiver, and after I get better at photography I'll have a few stock photo accounts. Plus I'm writing a book. I figured if I couldn't find 1 thing that'll help me make some money, I'll do whole bunch of things and see if I can get out of this rut like that.

To top all that off I'm making my youtube thing. I can't wait to get that rolling. Plus I have some bigger ideas that'll take a little more capital to get going. Surely out of all this stuff I can make some more money. If not, then back to the drawing board. 

I started a monthly goals list. So far it's pretty packed, but I have some things that I need to get taken care of. I keep forgetting about then. Now they're in a book that keep on me at all times. 

I'm 1 piece  away from finishing my heat knife. I ordered the part I need and it should be here by the 14th. I also have another quick project I started. I tend to solder more than I anticipate and I don't have one of those wire holding devices. They're expensive and I'm ingenutive. So, I'm making one. It's simple, but it'll do the job. I just need to wait on the glue to dry on my wood, then I'll attach my arms.

I haven't talked about my meditation in a while. I stopped listening to the guided meditations. They don't last as long and I usually meditate for 45min to an hour. So I've been using my timer. I seem to get deeper when I don't have anyone talking in my ear. At least now. I've had the pressure on forehead for 4 days in a row. It's just building up. 

I've come to the point with society that it is what it is. I'm starting to see the ebb and flow of how people act and I just get it. Or, I get that I don't get it. It's hard to explain. Now I use people. I learn what not to do, and make up stories about how they got to where they are. It's quite interesting.

[T1r1on]

I feel like I'm a slave. I do everyone's biding for practicaly nothing in return.  I'm getting fed up with it. Plus, it's taking a toal on my body. My shoulder is messed up. I'm not surw if it's from doing something wrong or if it's a bone spur. Either way it hurts alot. Plus I came down with something. It's like a chest cold but worse. So, I can't breathe too well.

I'm trying to get some cash flowing in, but nothing is going how I want. I guess I need to just keep beating on the door until something happens. That seems to be how most people manage to do it.

I do have a new goal. It's to take my mom back to where she grew up to see her family. After she married my dad he moved her away. They followed his family and then he stranded us here in Oklahoma. That's a super condensed version. I promised her I would do it. So, I set the goal for December. That gives me 7 months to figure it out and achieve that goal.

My 8 to 5 job is holding me back alot. I think I'm going to figure out something I like that I can make a decent amount of money doing, and then quit that job. It'll give whole lot of energy back. I blew through 14 bottles of water in 4 hours erlier. That's ridiculous. I shouldn't be getting that dehydrated that fast. But, that's what happens when you're out in the sun busting your ass. I got a bad ass sunburn too. I have little blisters on my neck, nose, cheeks, and the tops of my ears. The upside is I heal quick and Aloe Viera speeds that up. It'll probably be gone in 3 or 4 days.

I just want to make stay home and make props. I've been wanting to make a dragon egg box thing and some Larp armor for a while now. But, those things take alot of time. I also want to make some flame throwers, but that'll take some money. I feel like I fucked everything up somehow. But, wallowing in despair never got anyone anywhere.  I just have to find something that gives back my time and makes me some money.

[Yukise99]

How did you take your art level to an insane level? I'm currently pursuing a career in the professional art field as well but I'm too much of a newbie and a lack of skills doesn't help either. Any chance you'll post that website that has the link to how to make money online?

Edited May 7, 2016 by Yukise99
extra info

[T1r1on]

@Yukise99 here is the website for the 400 ways to make money online.http://moneypantry.com/extra-money/

So far as the art level goes, I took a bunch courses online, and I practiced alot. After you start developing a sense for it you'll start getting better without pracicing as much. It's kind of like I draw in my head.

Also I diversify what I'm doing. So, I don't stick to just people or vistas. I draw doodles, fonts, people, clothing, animals, environments, and so on. Doing things in the other syles improves all of them. It gives you new perspectives and generates more ideas. This happens because you are using different parts of your brain, it generates new paths and strengthens old ones.

Also, stop whatever you're doing and just take in your surroundings from time to time. Notice the people around you. Jump in there shoes for a minute and come up with how they got there. Look at the environment your in and take in the colors, shapes, patterns, placement of things, and general beauty of life. This helps keep a flow of ideas. If you need to write down or quickly sketch what you notice. The more you do this the less likely you are to run into blocks. And you learn to appreciate the world more. It's quite a powerful thing if you do it long enough. 

Then I took it up another level. I started using new mediums. For example, sculpting, painting, and digital art. Now I'm using completely new regions of my brain, and that's where everything skyrocketed. It'll take some time, but practice purposefully and get a handle on the basics. Practicing purposely meens you do it on a schedule kind of. For me it's twice a week, but lately I've been doing it 5 or 6 times. So far as couses go alot of the ones I took are gone now. But, there are more where those came from. Hope this helps, don't be afraid to ask any questions.

Edited May 9, 2016 by T1r1on
More tips :)

[T1r1on]

Today went better than I expected. I've finally figured out what brings me fullfilment. I'm going to be a life coach. Honestly it was the farthest thing from my mind when I was looking, but then I sat down and started asking myself questions and that's what it lead to. When I realized it I got the chills, the good ones. I've learned to go with those. So, I dedicated today to learning the ins and outs. I still have more to learn, but that comes with most things. 

Looking back I don't how I couldn't see it, but that's how alot of things go. You can only conect the dots backwards. My sister just had one of these moments. She's been doing alot of crafting and "clothes making"(the word for that has left my head). Then she decided to start the LARP and all of those skills are going to come in handy.  Even her assistant work is coming into play. It's funny how things work out like that.

I'm thinking about taking things to an extreme soon. I'm going to quit my job and try to make money my own way. It'll be an off the seat of my pants strategy, but sometimes you have to just jump and learn to fly on the way down. But, I'm sure if I'm ready to take that leap yet. It's one of those things that pulls you in 2 directions.  I know how I am. I do my best when I'm under pressure. But, I'm not the only person who would be affected by this. I don't know. Maybe I can find a middle ground. Either way, I'm still going to change things for the better,  and that's a promise. 

[T1r1on]

I learned some amazing stuff today. I can be my own life coach, kind of. Anyway, I listened to the course I'm taking and had some revalations about my self. It's likw I found a compass in the middle of a giant forest. Needless to say I'm learning alot and it's going help me.

I'm checking out early tonight. Work kicked my ass today. Hopefully I won't be there much longer.

[T1r1on]

It feels like the entire world is crashing down on me. Everything I try doesn't work. My job doesn't pay enough. But, it's more than just money. I feel like I've completely failed at life. I don't go out and meet people, I've only had 1 girlfriend ever, my mom is falling apart and I can't help her, I've learned so much and none of it seems to really help, I'm tearing up my body trying to keep this job, I fucked up somewhere, but I'm not going to let any of this keep me down. I'm going to repurpose these emotions and let them fule me. I now have a list of things to fix in my life.

I wish I had some one who would just listen to me for a little while. Not complain, but just listen. I get treated like I'm stupid, but I really am smart. Maybe it's just the people I try to talk to. Or, maybe I've made myself too different. Fuck that, I can talk to myself. 

One thing I've learned is that the only person I can truly rely on is myself. I've stopped asking others for help all together. Most of them just stab me in the back or pull me down anyway. I'm sure there is someone who could help me, but finding them is going take a while.

I got sick which lead to bronchitis which caused my asthma to go nuts. I've been blacking out all day, my energy was gone, and I couldn't think straight. It sucked quite a bit. I went to the ER and of course I wasn't having a single problem there. But, the second I got out of there they showed back up. But, that's my typical ER visit. 

[Lynnel]

Aside from the fact that from an outsider perspective you seem to be quite in a lot of pain, which you most likely are, what bugs me out is the multi purpose life thing. Don't blame yourself for everything "wrong" in your life and focus and upgrading one thing at a time. Writting a book drawing or being a life coach takes a lot of time and excellence which you have to invest.

For the life coach thing there is a huge tendency of...giving advice while you shouldn't. You see guys basicly reciting all they have read on dating forum without even having talked to one girl. Everyone wants to feel clever and powerfull with their awesome advice and not actually help people.

And theory is not enough in this matter : the reason I follow Leo is that he tried everything himself and I can see the practice behind what's he's saying. Actual experience. Myself sometimes I'm used to think I'm so clever and I know all this stuff on how to handle life while I wasn't getting any tangible results for it. Nonetheless I'm doing 10 time greater than I did before, but I'm never giving any advice for things I haven't settled yet or I'm not doing myself. I have seriously no idea how you will pull yourself together but good luck

[T1r1on]

I set up another affiliate website. I'm marketing camping tents, backpacks, and sleeping bags. I finished the site at about 3am yesterday and I did some backlinking today. I still have a bit to do, but it is going pretty good. I haven't checked to see if I've made any sales yet, but I doubt I have. I haven't gotten it high enough on Google. I'm aiming for first page. Ohh, the site is campingear.net.  

I'm also going to start making some t-shirts and stuff. (Not about the camping site) I've pondered whether or not I'm getting to ahead of myself, then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I have these ideas for a reason. So, writing a book, making a youtube channel, affiliate marketing, desining shirts, and a few other things might sound like I'm being too diverse, but I know the limits of my capabilities are far higher then I can estimate. And, sure like anyone else I have bad days, but I'm not going let that get in my way. It's not like I haven't done these things before. 

When I look at it, this the easy stuff. Setting up a private school is going to be way more difficult these things. And, it's going to require me to know more than what I currently do. The same goes for being a life coach. I know I have to get my life in order before I start. I never said I was going to do it now, but that doesn't mean I'm not working toward it. I've learned that there is no such thing as too small a step toward your goals. I just have to be a stratigic mother fucker as I do it. 

I've changed my inner vocabulary. Instead of saying "I wish,  I can't,  I want, I should, etc" I've been actively changing to "I will, I can, I'm going to, until, I must, etc". I've been working on it for about 2 weeks now, and I'm starting to see some changes. My procrastination has been dropping, and I've been handling things. It's funny how simply changing a few phrases can get you so much.

[T1r1on]

@Lynnel  I'm really not in much pain. I just get frustrated and vent on here from time to time. I didn't think there was anyone who actually read my journal. 

Really the problems I have are minor inconveniences. I can solve most of them with reletive ease. With the exception of my mom. That's going to take some work.

So far as the life coaching goes that's a little way down the road. I'm learning stuff now, but it's mostly for me to use on myself. I really don't give much advice either. 

On 5/13/2016 at 4:55 AM, Lynnel said:

And theory is not enough in this matter 

I think you're talking about the coment "I've learned so much and it never seems to help." What I meant here was very broad. I meant things like marketing, business, design, etc. I know alot about this stuff, but it takes time to see the results. Honesty my complaint was just me being a whiney bitch for a few minutes. As were most of the complaints.

[T1r1on]

This week has been strange. I was affected by the bug, so that sucked. Then I got locked out of my affiliate site kind of. Then I got locked out of my car, house, and a few other things. I'm declaring this the week of locks. It gets funny after a while. 

My sister went through a doubt phase. She stopped working on her idea and almost gave up. Then we had a fight and told her some things she didn't want to hear. After a few hours of mowing it over and being pissed at me she got it. Now things are back to normal. And she's passionate about it again. It's kinda funny how I know more about her than I do myself. 

I feel kind of lost. I know I need to find my passion but I'm starting to think it's something obscure. I need to have more introspecting and visualization time. I don't give myself enough time for them, so I'm going figure out how I'm going change that. Maybe it'll help shed some light on what I should do. Someone to talk to would be nice too, but most of us know how that is.

I'm getting rid of my game system. Any more it just seems to be a constant pull to a distraction. Plus I need the money. I don't want to, but when I way it out that's the verdict. It's not like I won't be able to get one in the future. And I have other things I can do in the leasure time that I don't seem to have. Really it's more like I'm losing an adiction. 

I've carefully weighed it out, and affiliate marketing does not suit me. I hate it. I have learned quite a few things from it though. So, bonus points for knowledge. I have a list of other things I can try, so I'm going to move on. Who knows maybe I'll find a winner.

[T1r1on]

I can't wait to help my sister finish her books for her larp. I've already picked a character and now it's I'm reaserching stuf for it. It's going to be awsome. My creative juices are flowing. 

I've been reading Total Recall. It's an autobiography about Arnold Schwarzenegger. He is awsome at the things he does. He just uses bodybuilding techniques on life. Reps and sets then you grow. It's kind of like failing forward, but in a different way. 

I'm starting to back slide on some things. I've been wasting the little time I have at the end of my days on pintrest. I need to re-double my efforts and change my rules a little. But, on the flip side I've been eliminating more distractions. It'll help me focus more.

I'm actually kind of excited that I'm broke. It's wierd at first glance, but that means I only have one direction to go from here. Not only that, but when I look at things from a big picture stand point it's always been like this. I guess it's kind of like it just changed to spring and I'm planting seeds. Now all I have to do is keep watering them. And, the seeds are like bamboo. It take constant watering and care, but after it hits a certain piint the bamboo grows super fast. Looking forward I can see how it'll work, but now I have to stay the course and be deliberate in my actions. That's why I felt the need to eliminate things from my life. It sucked and some things hurt a little, but I'm willing to do what is required of me to achieve my goals.

[T1r1on]

Today I was reminded of my mortality. We had a tornado about 1 mile from us. I also learned that I don't have an attachment to any possessions. It's all just stuff. That's all I really did today. That and work.

[T1r1on]

I've figured some things out. Now I'm taking action. I have a list of things that I wish had done years ago, but I can only work with what I have. Im going to do these and I should start seeing some changes. Now the only distraction I really have left is my cell phone. I sold the ps4 yesterday. 

This will be another short one. The longer I'm on here the longer I have to stay up.

[Yukise99]

I come back to your post and I see that you've sold your ps4, I think it's a good idea if you don't want to be distracted. Right now Overwatch just came out and I'm trying to find a balance between life-purpose work and playing games.