Panic Attack and Over Thinking Things, Struggling to make real friends

[Thought Art]

Hey Guys,

 

I keep finding myself in this loop when I become vulnerable with someone. Whether trying to make friends, or date someone. Especially people or the opposite sex, which makes sense because of the trauma that is there. My brain starts running in circles, I over think everything I say. 'Oh know what if the think this'  It's like I have two competing voices and I try to explain what is happening inside me to people but it only scares them away. I haven't found a therapist. It is likely due to trauma I developed as a kind, and while in young relationships. I developed these needy emotional centres or egos.

I think I started dating too young, and got into toxic relationships. It's like I am stuck in a pattern. 

My heart burns and is scared, but I have yet to have any relationship survive long term because of this fear of connection, or connection repelling energy that is within me. The heart feels like it is being stabbed, the same vulnerability is stopping me from diving deep into my business and creativity. 

 

Healthy Relationships is one of my top values, however, I don't have many that are deep. It's saddening. I know I can improve and I have improved massively with my extreme social anxiety over the past few years.

 

Grateful for this part of the forum. Wondering if anyone has similar experience, wants to talk to me with about this kind of stuff?

 

Anyone down to talk about shadow work?

Edited April 16, 2020 by Thought Art

[from chaos into self]

I think being vulnerable is kind of an expected thing when opening up to others. You shouldn't run away from it, but instead see it as bonding. 

Opening up trauma wounds can be challenging, but you might want to spend time alone looking into your past and trying to heal, trying to accept what happened and accept yourself.

Edit: it's always good to talk to a therapist. I opened up to one myself, only talked about it once then dealt with my trauma memories on my own mostly.

Edited April 16, 2020 by from chaos into self

[Thought Art]

@from chaos into self

Thank you!

I've seen a few difference therapists. I will persist in different methods, and there are books I have yet to read as well. 

 

[Elton]

@Thought Art hi I had a similar experience with health being my top value and I always engaged in the mist unhealthy behaviours.. 

However I have managed to change things over time I have backslided a lot and lot of times but 2020 I made it stick probably because of the people in my life too who supported me.

In terms of relationships I always sucked in attracting girls but through personal development I learnt alot about the opposite sex and learnt to have sex too.. 

You can read books on relationships to better them see vedios hire a coach if you can but most importantly work on your self...

If you have a will you will find the way(I read this line in one book I guess the one thing )