Source of Anger

[electroBeam]

Wanted to give another perspective of the source of anger. Others have said that anger comes from lack of surrender to the present moment, a mismatch from desire and reality, not having a holistic perspective, etc.

 

Along with those, here is another.

If you seek happiness without (are looking for relationships, great career, status, approval), including a pretty, polished, personally developed or spiritual ego, then anger arises from the fear that this external thing is about to be taken away from you, and therefore that happiness is being taken away from you.

If you had the balls to fully commit to making happiness come from within: acting by your principles, doing hard stuff like not procrastinating and being honest, denying external temptations for happiness (relationships, career, polished pretty personally developed ego) and instead letting them go, then anger would find it difficult to creep into your life, for there would be nothing to take away, and therefore nothing to get angry over. 

Practically this means letting go of all external sources of happiness, and replacing them with within happiness. Each external source of happiness has a surface, and then a cause/source under that surface. You think you want the surface but actually you want the cause/source.  Replace the external desire for that surface, by an inner focus to develop the inner cause/source.

Some examples:

1. Seeking happiness in a beautiful, motherly, loving, witty, sexy woman -> being, embodying that woman's love within yourself. Being the love that you crave from a woman. And compassionately expressing that to others. When you're in a relationship, rather than seeking love, express the love you seek to that woman you're in a relationship with. Practically this may mean practising loving-kindness meditation (yes, loving kindness meditation can rid you of your womanly cravings). This is a far better alternative because that sexy woman can leave you at any moment, or worse, you may end up in a toxic relationship because of fear of loosing that love. Grow that woman within so that she cannot leave you. 

2. Seeking happiness in a very prestigious company; wanting to be looked up to by your peers and feel important and worthy, wanting to have very advanced, unique, special skills that other people don't have which makes you a highly creative, intelligent person -> Be/embody your definition of creative and intelligent Forget the prestigious job. A prestigious job is impermanent and can leave you at any moment. This will cause lots of suffering. Instead develop your creative and intelligence (or whatever the cause/source of the surface is). This may practically mean practicing kriya yoga for making you more intelligent.

3. Seeking happiness in enlightenment, spiritual practices, non duality books because you feel sad, empathetic, sorrow, curious, inspired, overwhelmed about being separated from your true self -> get in touch with those emotions and longing, and build a connection with them by focusing on those things when you meditate, rather than focusing on the meditation technique or routine itself. Far too many people get trapped in theory and doing meditation just to tick a box or develop a spiritual ego, without using them effectively. 

 

[Eph75]

Anger, apart from being a healty emotional impulse that calls out to you to take appropriate/healthy action, e.g. set outward boundaries when those are crossed, it also is a magnificently destructive coping skill.

In other words, if there is something that we are consciously or unconsciously avoiding that we can't handle that is painful we can turn to anger to protect ourselves/ego from that negative feeling. That anger shuts down the circumstances in which our ego becomes vulnerable in respect to whatever the issue is.

As the underlying issue can literally be anything and everything, overcoming it takes switching inward focus, finding and addressing that underlying cause.

All of your examples are leading to introspection and understanding of your inner workings and hence engaging with that underlying cause. 

Edited January 12, 2020 by Eph75