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Phrae

Attempting Honesty

24 posts in this topic

Okay there is enough time but I think I'll finish 2 am at this point and I'm pretty fatigued

My posture is in a pretty debilitated state already, I'm stretching the most important muscles and heading to sleep to continue tomorrow.

I'll hone in on the values I'm fairly confident with them so far. I'm at pass #8.


"Water takes shape of whatever container holds it." --

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I am feeling pretty anxious/resistant to the course..... I feel like I'm missing out on accuracy.

I kinda skipped exercise #4 cause I don't really know the details of people that inspire me and am unsure of who they are exactly.

I'm doing The Big Leap Process right now. I don't know what will turn up. I'm doubtful but fuck that doubt I'm gonna have faith that I have a zone of genius. 


"Water takes shape of whatever container holds it." --

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I'm supposed to be choosing my impact statement, which I didn't. I am quite turned off of how little is taken into consideration to make the decision. These are my current impressions.

I've been checking out Gary Weber's work the past couple of days. The end result is changing from mindfulness to self-inquiry (finally).

The question that is right for ME feels like "What am I?" I really feel a strong inquiry than when using another question. I'll see how this goes. 


"Water takes shape of whatever container holds it." --

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Alright boys time to be fucking real.

I am so fucking awkward. I've been awkward for as long as I can remember. I just had a horrible interaction. What's funny is that I was doing informal self-inquiry and deep breathing in my car before getting into the awkward situation. I am 180 degree in the other direction.

Before:

Tranquil, Centered, Strong

After:

Defeated, Weak, Pussy,

----------------------------------------------------------

I don't fucking know what's wrong. I've been keeping this from this journal but fuck it. I will become a person that acknowledges his previous awkwardness.

It's all just talk, just yap yap yap yap yap talk.

No point in watching this journal if you're reading this.

I want to do something about it. But really I don't. After a couple minutes I will be back to my normal state. My negative motivation will dry out and I will start feeling normal again. I guess I could motivated myself to work on it by seeing it as an attachment to me. I'm attached to particular beliefs/things and that's blocking my spontaneity. 

So really I'm gonna be tackling it cause it's about being thorough. Or dunno. Status for now.

So much shit to report on.

DONE


"Water takes shape of whatever container holds it." --

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