JKG

Removing Should-statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment

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This week I was away with my chemistry course in a nice city.

Meditation:

All my meditation time in the last weeks I have been timing with an app and wrote the exact time down in my calendar. This made me kind of neurotic. Everytime I sat down I had to start the timer and write everything down. I had the pressure to always meditate more than 100 minutes... I just should meditate as long and whenever I want to. And at the end of my life nobody cares about how much I actually meditated.

I will stop this now. I will meditate, contemplate or just be conscious whenever I want.

 

Complexity of life:

Me and my chemistry course visited a huge chemistry company (BASF). It is currently the biggest in the world.

I realized that life can be sooo complex. In our life chemistry is everywhere. Without chemistry life would be very very different.

We got a tour with a bus through the huge production location. All these pipelines, buildings, people........ It looks so complex and expensive. All of this has to be managed and produced. Mindblowing...

On the one hand life can be so complex - lets call it the orange life. The orange life is full of concepts. Science is complex, economics are complex, management is complex, everything in modern life is complex. But in the enlightened life everything is so simple - just experience, no concepts.

 

Food:

I ate so much and relatively unhealthy. All these thousands of calories. I have to eat more healthy. I feel bad eating so much. I need to restructure my whole diet.

I want to get more into intermittent fasting. I want to eat less and mostly raw vegan. I want to eat more natural. I want to get more into the ketogenic diet, but still vegan. How could the people centuries ago get so much grain stuff like I do today?

I see how I got into this high carb vegan dogma about two years ago. All the people form You Tube said that you have to eat soo many carbs and that this would be the best way to live. Why did I belief them so blindly? I want to try out different things now.

 

Music:

Normally I never listen to the lyrics of the songs I hear. I recognize it when the lyrics is just about drinking, love, sex and party. But I do not know the meaning behind all of the songs in my playlist.

I find so many great songs on this forum I like. People say that the lyrics is great and about spiritual stuff. I never recognize that.

Now I want to stop listening to music meanwhile I am doing something else. I only want to listen to music consciously. I want to understand the meaning. This could be a form of meditation.

 

Wim Hof Method:

While I laid in bed this week in the hotel I stumbled upon an interview of Wim Hof. This guy is really cool. His method contains a breathing exercise and cold therapy. I tried the breathing exercises several times and afterwards I feel so great. This can be a life changer.

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Components of Life:

  • Enlightenment Exercises (Meditation, Contemplation, Inquiry...)
  • Health (Working out, Moving, Stretching, Eating healthy, Fasting, Detoxing...)
  • Life Purpose (Creating, Learning, Researching...)

What else should life be contained of? Can there be anything more important than these three things?

I should only do these things.

The only obstacles are obligations. School, social obligations, helping the family....

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What is knowledge?

Knowledge is getting a certain thought as a request from another thought.

requesting thought a -> requested thought b

e.g. "at which time was world war 2?" -> "from 1939 until 1945"

As thought a is present in the mind, the memory searches for the needed thought b. Almost everytime that thought a is in the mind, thought b occurs.

But knowledge can also be triggered through something other than a requesting thought. When you look at something your mind comes up with the thought that this at is a certain object.

looking at a brown high object -> "this is a tree"

hearing a melody -> "this is my favorite song"

smelling something tasty -> "my mother is cooking my favourite food"

So the final formula of knowledge should be:

triggering sensation -> reoccurring thought

 

Difference between thoughts and knowledge:

Knowledge is a thought, but a thought is not necessarily knowledge. You could say knowledge is a subclass of thought. The only difference between these two is that knowledge is reoccurring after triggering sensations. Normal thoughts occur rather randomly.

 

Truth and falsehood of thoughts:

Thoughts/knowledges themselves just are, nothing else. Their existential nature is being, existing, without judgment. 

the initial knowledge:
sight of a green round object -> knowledge x = "this is walnut"

But thoughts/knowledges are often seen as true or false, good or bad, nice and ugly.

beliefs:
thought t = "x is true" = "x is not false" = "this is certainly a walnut"
thought f = "x is false" = "x is not true" = "this is not a walnut, this is an apple"

The thought x still just exists. But another thought t/f judges x. If a thought is seen as true or false (or any dualistic judgment), the thought is a belief.

 

New arising questions:

  • What is a thought?
  • What is Truth or falsehood?
  • How do I know knowledge?
  • How can I know anything for certain?
  • How can anything be justified as true or false?
  • How can I know that the definitions I made are true?

 

Enlightenment -> holding onto no beliefs???

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Being healthy - my current ideal of health routines:

Morning:

  • oil pulling
  • drinking 0.5l of water with lemon juice and apple cider vinegar
  • Wim Hof breathing exercise
  • raising the metabolism for ca. 10 minutes
  • stretching for a bit
  • cold shower
  • drinking more

Midday:

  • cardio workout - running or biking for ca one hour
  • fasting until 3pm
  • eating something relatively low carb, raw vegan
    a lot of greens - pure salad, stinging nettle, dandelion, guirsch, raw green powders
    vegetables - cucumber, tomato, carrots, beet roots
    nuts and seeds - brazil nuts, cashews, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, walnuts
  • stretching well, especially side and front splits
  • eating some fruit

Later that day:

  • strength workout
  • cold shower
  • eating dinner - I cannot really decide that because my mother cooks it

This would be an ideally healthy day for me and my current knowledge. It will be hard to accomplish these habits because of school lessons and willpower. If I would just have these habits, it would work out fine. But I also want to do Enlightenment stuff twice a day, work on my life purpose and I have to work on school obligations... I will try my best.

 

And the food I eat at once should be compilable with this chart, so that my digestion works smoothly:

fruit-food-combining-chart_45725.jpg

Edited by quantum

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I really enjoy your journal. We have a lot of similarities and that is why you inspire me so much. I'm not as advanced as you and still tend to want to be liked by society but still. This makes me so confused about my values. When did you start to do self-actualization/meditation?

And I just recently made the decision that I will not be carbing the fuck up anymore too hahaha :D

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@Charlotte Thanks ^_^ I also saw that we have a lot similarities in our external situation as I read the first sentences of your journal xD

About 3 years ago I started doing sports, 2.5 years ago I got into veganism, 2 years ago I discovered Buddhism and then I found Leo's first video about spiritual Enlightenment. So I started with self improvement stuff 3 years ago and with meditation 2 years ago, but really dedicated meditation only for about 1 year.

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Life Purpose Vision:

I had a really fascinating idea this morning as I visualized my life purpose. My life purpose is to increase the consciousness of humanity through creating beauty (computer art), something similar to fractals like the Mandelbrot Set.

I thought that I could create through some algorithms cool fractals that look somehow beautiful, at least to me. But these artworks alone can not increase consciousness of many people.

Then I had the idea: You are looking through something like a virtual reality headset. There you are seeing a moving picture like zooming into a fractal. Meanwhile you are hearing beautiful music with binaural beats, which are changing your brain waves. Through these sensations the user becomes so conscious, fascinated by reality, in love with reality and loses the sense of self. The user will get his first Enlightenment experience, which will be the starting point for his journey towards Enlightenment.

 

Mandelbrot & Julia Set:

I did it. I created my first Mandelbrot & Julia Set. Aren't they beautiful? Just some smooth nice colors are missing.

mandelbrot.png

julia2.png

julia1.png

 

Fascinating Documentary about Fractals:

 

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Self Inquiry:

Does it matter what I do? Does anything matter at all? Does it matter what I feel? My right hand is so cold, does this matter? I do not like it that my hand is cold. When I touch with my cold hand my warm belly it feels freezing cold. But does it really feel this cold? Coldness is just a feeling. What is about coldness wrong? Does coldness matter? No.

Does it matter which grades I get in school? A grade is a number on a piece of paper. It is a symbol, black markings on a white surface, something that I can see. So a grade should not matter.
But I feel a strong emotional response everytime I get a better or worse grade than expected. When I have studied so much for a history exam and I only get a B I am disappointed. I am disappointed because I had expectations upon reality. I have resisted the way the present moment turned out to be. The resistance causes the disappointment, not the grade itself.
So does it matter which grades I get? I do not need good grades to be able to study computer science. But my family expects me to get good grades. And I expect from myself to get good grades. I compare myself to my 'friends', two of them get better grades than I do. Then I feel bad.
A feeling is just a feeling. A bad feeling is not bad. When my family is disappointed about my grades it is still just an external sensation. I see or hear them. And that is just a sight and a sound. If I expect those sights and sounds to be a certain way, I will get disappointed. But if I just let experience come and surrender to it, everything is fine.
Does it matter which grades I get? No.

Does it matter that I have to go to school soon? I will have to sit there and participate in class. I will have maths, physics and computer science, just classes I like. But still I'd rather want to spend the time at home working on my life purpose.
Sitting in class is just an experience. If I accept the experience everything is fine. If I do not accept the experience, still everything is fine. Experiences do not matter, they just are. The judgment about the experiences make the experiences worse and cause a bad feeling. But a bad feeling is just a bad feeling.

Does it matter that I still have to do homework assignments? No.

Does it matter that I do not have enough time to meditate long? No.

Does it matter that I could die early? Hahaha, not at all.

Is there even an 'I'? Probably not, there is just experience. And there is no one who could experience experience. Cool.

Now I have to go to school...

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Eating:

I ate nothing until 17:30pm. I would have never expected that I could do this. I felt very good. I had almost no thoughts about food and no desires to eat. Then I ate very much until 18:30pm. Now I feel completely satisfied.

I think I could have been able to eat nothing at all today without a problem.

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First try of the 3-2-1-Shadow-Process:

3 - Face it:
I feel this pressure from school. Everyday I have school in the afternoon which annoys me. Most of the time in school is wasted. I will never need most of the knowledge I learn in school later in life. I could use this time much more efficient at home. I feel like I have to be good in school. I am certainly good in school and write good exams. But I could do better if I want to. Somehow I want to be better, but I do not want to work hard to become better. I do not want to waste more time than necessary on schoolwork at home. I feel a pressure from my family that I should be good in school. They expect that I will do well and otherwise they will be disappointed.

2 - Talk to it:
Me: Hey, why should I be good in school? Are there any benefits?

School: Of course there are benefits. You could be able to study whatever you want in university. Who does not want to study medicine or law at the best universities?

Me: I do not want to study medicine or law. I am fascinated by computer science, physics, mathematics, science... and at most of the universities I do not need good grades. Even if I would fail really hard this year, I would still be able to study computer science at a reasonably good university. And why should I care about where and what I want to study? I want to pursue my life purpose and for that I do not need a good degree from a prestigious university. I want to run somehow my own business. And I even do not care that much about money. So why should I be good in school?

School: Mhm. You should get Abitur (similar to the English A-Levels) to at least be allowed to study anywhere.

Me: If I would not get my Abitur, which I doubt, I would go traveling, earning somehow a little bit of money and build my business. Or I would become a Zen nun. Where would be the problem?

School: If you do not need your Abitur you can at least learn lessons about life in school. You can learn how do develop a strong work ethic. You can develop your social skills. You can learn about interesting concepts like the American Dream or how history works.

Me: Yeah, thats true. But still there are classes in which I learn nothing. For example I feel so bored in math, physics or computer science because the classes are way to easy.

School: Then you can try to participate as well as possible. Through participation you can develop your social skills and become more confident.

Me: But if I do not want to participate?

School: Then just be conscious. Use all the time in school to practice consciousness. Thats what you want, right? You want spiritual Enlightenment. So you should become more conscious.

Me: You are absolutely right. I can develop my consciousness whenever I want. There is no 'bad' time to practice consciousness. So, I should try to learn as much as I can in school. I can learn stuff that interests me, I can develop my social skills, or just be conscious. There is no such thing as wasted time.

School: Its nice that you found a way how you can enjoy me. Enjoy tomorrow. You will have the time to learn great things from 8:05am until 17:30pm. You can practice consciousness for 9.5 hours straight :P

Me: But what is about the pressure I feel. I feel like I need to get good grade. I feel like I need to get appreciation from my family and friends. Otherwise I get into a bad mood. Do I really need to be good?

School: I just use the grade system to rate you and your fellow students. It can show how much you have studied for an exam, it shows your level of work ethic. I know that it is not that accurate all the time but I and my teachers try the best. We do not put pressure onto you. We do not even care that much about you. You are just a number to me in the system. If you fail, you fail, I do not care. 

Me: And why should I be good then if you do not care?

School: You care about yourself. You want appreciation because you have a lack of self love. You do not love yourself enough, so you search for appreciation from the outside. Love yourself 100%ly, or just see that there is no you. There is no you that needs the appreciation. Accept reality as it is, it just is. Hold no expectations upon reality, any you will never become disappointed.

Me: But what if my parents will become really mad?

School: There are no parents that could become mad, they are just a concept. What could they do to you?

Me: They could throw me out of the house. Then I would be homeless, but I could find friends where I could live. Or I would just become a nun. There is nothing bad that they could do to myself.

1 - Be it:
I, as my school, just want the best for myself. I want myself to be able to learn stuff. I can learn whatever I want in school. If I do not want to learn from the classes, I can learn from the other human beings. I can develop my social skills, become more confident and get out of my comfort zone. All of this is good for my personal development.
But I can also develop spiritually. In school I have a lot of time to become more conscious about other human beings, emotions, reactions, everything. I could even become enlightened in school. I can ask myself important questions in the lessons like "what is knowledge". I can observe the common sense about such questions. I can become more open-minded. I just give myself so much time to develop in a challenging environment. With challenge I will grow the most.
I can even see where I am lacking. I can see that I am lacking in self love, communication skills, consciousness... I see what I need to work on. What a beautiful thing.

 

Is this the way how the 3-2-1-process works? It seems like I did something wrong.

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Spiritual Autolysis:

What is true? Truth is true. But what is true? My task is it to find out what is true. Sit down, shut up, and ask yourself what is true until you know.

TRUTH. What do I believe is true? I believe that there is a think called spiritual Enlightenment. A Thing. I believe that there is a thing. There are thousands of things around me. Physical objects and concepts. I believe that things exist.

I believe that a physical object exists. I believe that the computer screen in front of me exists. Is that true?
I see there a black rectangle with another mostly white rectangle inside of the black one. Is that a screen? And if not what is it then?
What I see are colors.  Something black and something bright white, and some other colors. These colors are ordered in a certain way that they form shapes. I want to use the concept of colors and shapes to describe what there comes up in my experience, nothing else. I see these colors and shapes. Is that a computer screen? What is even a computer screen? A computer screen is an idea in my mind, it is a mental image, it is a concept. Is this concept of a computer screen the colors and shapes I see? No, sights are sights, concepts are concepts. Sights are not concepts.

Is my claim that sights are sights true? It seems like its true. I see a sight, it is a sight.

But is the whole text I wrote above true? Is the text true? Text equals true? Text == true? What is the text? The text is made out of markings on a white surface. The text is a sight, a sight is a sight, but is a sight true? A sight is an experience. Is experience true? Is there anything else than experience? No. So, is experience true?

What is even Truth? Is Truth everything? Truth is something that cannot be false. Truth is always true, Truth is true, true != false. Truth can never be disproved.

Can experience be disproved? With what should experience be disproved? There is nothing else than experience. Can experience be disproved by itself? And what if experience is false? No, experience cannot be false. Experience is Truth.

Edited by quantum

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Thoughts on my routines:

I like my routines and habits at the moment. I am not getting distracted that much and eat that much as I did in the last months. All that I am doing everyday is: School, Sports, Enlightenment exercises, Life Purpose work, learning about personal development and spiritual stuff.

But I feel like I just want to get all the stuff done, so that at the end of the day I can sit down in front of my computer to just research and learn stuff. I want to get done with school, sports, meditation... What I really enjoy is programming and researching. I still like sports and meditation, but I have a wrong mindset while doing it. The problem is that I 'have' to get those things done. Especially while working out I am not present at all nor really happy. i

 

Actualism:

A few days ago I found this article. It is about Actualism which I think is some sort of philosophical view "that everything there is [...] is actual". Somehow Daniel Ingram is using this as a form to develop spiritually. But I do not understand this properly quite yet.

He gave the reader some points on how to use this technique. I just focused on the first two.
1) "Really pay attention all day long to just what its going on, particularly in the wide visual field and in the body".
2) "Notice the beauty and niceness in ordinary and beautiful things, sounds, tastes, textures, feelings, the body, visuals, smells and the like".

If I become mindful throughout the day, I can see the beauty in ordinary sensations. But it is really hard to be mindful all day long. In the first classes of the day I remember to be mindful some times, but later I rarely become mindful again.

This actualism thing could be a good  technique to develop spiritually, but a hard one. I think it might be good to realize that Truth is just pure experience.

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Spiritual Autolysis:

Who am I? Who am I? These words and letters are symbols. If I look carefully I just see them, they have no meaning. What is 'who'. 'Who' looks and sounds very strange. 'Who' refers to a thing. What is a thing? The world exists out of thousands of different separated things. A thing is a component out of the physical and mental reality. A thing equals an object. This is the common definition of a thing.

But is this definition true? Ca I experience a thing? I can only experience thousand of different sensations at once. But if I only focus on sight, can I see a thing which is separate from all other things? I see colors ordered in shapes. Can I see that the white paper is separate from the black background? There is a difference between the colors, at the edge of the paper they switch from white to black. Is this the evidence that they are two separate things? If the paper would stick to the background, they would not be separate, but the would look still the same.

Through colors and shapes I cannot tell that there are separate things. And a thing is still just a concept. The other senses are much more vague, so there I cannot tell the difference either.

There cannot be a 'who' who I am. There is no 'I' because an 'I' would be separate from everything else.

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Moving in nature:

I love the end of summer. Yesterday I picked up thousands of apples in our garden and sorted some. It took me like three hours but I kind of enjoyed it. Now my back is sore.

Today I spend like two hours working out outside barefoot. I was on my slack-line and tried out new tricks. I practiced the handstand, crow pose, rolls... I did negative pull ups, half L-sits, planks, horse stance, push ups... And later while watching Leo's new video I stretched like hell for 40 minutes. I am really pleased by my health routine of today.

 

Enlightenment:

In the last two or three weeks I have not meditated really much. Almost no session was one hour long. But thats okay.

A few days ago I stated trying Zazen again, counting up until 10 with every inhale. And when I recognize that I drift away with my thoughts I begin again with 1. It is very rare that I get to 10, but when I do I feel very concentrated.

I began to ask myself questions like "what is knowledge?" or "how can I be certain about anything?". I really like doing that when I find the time.

Today I did the 3-2-1-process and wrote like two pages full about my father, which I will not share here - to personal. It was not pleasant but good. I have to do much more of this.

Every evening when I lay down in bed I hear Jed McKenna's audiobook about "Spiritual Enlightenment, The Damnest Thing" until I get to tired. I like his way of teaching. Because of him I stated doing Spiritual Autolysis.

 

Life Purpose:

I programmed quite a few fractals in the last week and I am learning new things.

 

Time Management:

I want to spend so much time on health stuff, Enlightenment stuff and inner work, life purpose work, learning stuff... But it is even hard to get everything I want done on the weekends. I need to prioritize and cut out more distractions.

In two weeks the exam phase will begin. So on the next weekend I have to begin learning for chemistry... Even less time.

What I get done I should get done, what I don't get done shouldn't get done. Everything should be the way it is.

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Internet time:

In the last post which got deleted with the server crash I wrote that I want to stop wasting time on the Internet. I wanted to only use it on Sundays for the new video and for school work. That did not work out at all.

I will allow myself to use my computer once a day for one hour straight. Then I will have to shut it down again. This way I will have to consciously decide on which sides I will spend my time.

On my phone I will deactivate the Internet, and if I need it I will turn it on for like 10 minutes.

The good think of the server crash was, that I didn't spend too much time on this forum.

I think I will journal my time spend on my computer and my phone to keep myself responsible.

 

Journaling:

In the last week I wrote almost nothing in my journal, neither in this one nor in my private one. I used to write everyday in my private one since April 2015. But thats okay.

 

What is going on in my life:

  • reading "The Teachings Of Don Juan" by Carlos Castaneda - getting a new perspective on psycedelice
  • learning for my chemistry exam, and three other exams coming up in the next two weeks
  • working out a lot, stretching and researching about bodyweight movement
  • frustration with meditation

 

Leo's new videos:

Every Sunday I am excited to get to know what the new video is about. I always want it to be about an Enlightenment or advanced personal development topic. If the video is about such a topic I am happy. But everytime I do almost nothing with it, I do not implement it into my life. Once Leo said that you should take massive action from each video. Well, I take almost none. 

I do not need more Enlightenment videos from him. I still have a lot of action to take from every other video. For example I hate the midfulness meditation and neti neti method because I always get distracted, or I hate strong determination sitting because it is so painful. Why don't I use these hints and work with these methods, rather than waiting for a new video to get published expecting a method that works instantly?

 

Now I will shut my computer down, learn chemistry for like three hours, work on my body for like two hours, shower extremely cold, and then eat while watching the new psychedelic video.

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Inner Child:

This morning I had plenty of time and wanted to do shadow work. I found the process 'Inner Child Healing'. I wrote a little conversation with my inner child. I found out that it is sad that I am always busy with my stupid tasks (working out, stretching, school work, meditation, internet), and never in the present moment, here and now, spending time with the inner child. That basically means that I should enjoy more the present moment, because nothing else is there and the results out of the future aren't there yet.

This mindset changed the rest of my day. I acted much more slowly, more present, aware, open, loving... A very pleasant feeling and attitude. It reminds me of the video about lifestyle minimalism.

 

Movement:

I had a lot of time today. So I spend 2.5 hours moving my body around. I trained the handstand, cartweel... I used my new training plan, which I really like. My strength workout is much more intense with this plan. And then I stretched my legs a lot. I see how stiff I am. I have no problem with the front split, but am like 15-20cm away from a side split. Patience is the key.

His morning I found an impressing video:

 

Interesting Interviews:

While I was stretching I listened to an interesting and mind changing interview:

If you want to listen to the whole interview on London Real. It's worth it. He made me even more interested in taking psychedelics in one or two years.
 

Another interview I listened to one or two weeks ago:

I like this guy from London Real, and the interviewed people seem to be very interesting.

 

Anger:

Today I read a great quote from "The Teachings Of Don Juan":

Quote

'Are you angry at me, don Juan?' I asked when he returned. He seemed surprised at my question. 'No! I'm never angry at anybody! No human being can do anything important enough for that. You get angry at people when you feel that their acts are important. I don't feel that way any longer.'

I recognized that I get angry occasionally for example when my family interrupts me while meditating or when a stupid friend of my sister visits her although I wanted to meditate in the garden. This means that I am too attached to my meditation and find it too important.

 

Exams:

The chemistry exam yesterday went well. It was 4.5 hours long... I didn't felt nervous before it at all, not even the days before. And although I couldn't answer all questions perfectly I don't feel bad about it. It seems like I do not care that much about grades anymore. That's a good sign. I see how much other people in school are caring about their grades. That seems so silly to me now.

 

I feel like I want to work with the life purpose course again and finally figure stuff out.

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Ego wants to have an Enlightenment experience:

Everytime I read here posts about Enlightenment experiences from other people here my ego becomes jealous.

Ego: "All these people haven't worked as much towards Enlightenment as much as I did. I meditate now for almost two years. I should have the Enlightenment experience rather than those people... I never have extraordinary experiences. I am not able to have lucid dreams despite working on lucid dreaming for 1.5 years. I didn't have any lucid dreams, and other people just have lucid dreams randomly. I am not able to have lucid dreams nor Enlightenment experiences. That's so unfair. I want to have those experiences!"

Something similar happens everytime I hear about peoples Enlightenment experiences.

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Great honesty!

The more you cling to those awakening experiences (or any state experiences for that matter), the further away from enlightenment you are. So in a sense, you're further along the path than the clingers.

I'll just throw this out there: It ain't a race. This is only a returning to what's already the case. It's not like you're going anywhere. All objects of experience come and go. But the quality-less knowing of those objects is always there. Extremely simple. See if you can get to know the "knowing" better, learn to see that every experience is made up of it.

Cheers!


“Feeling is the antithesis of pain."

—Arthur Janov

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On 30.9.2016 at 11:42 PM, jjer94 said:

Great honesty!

The more you cling to those awakening experiences (or any state experiences for that matter), the further away from enlightenment you are. So in a sense, you're further along the path than the clingers.

Haha, thanks man. The ego is happy now. It's happy that it's "further along the path than the clingers" :D

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