Back Sliding, Resentment and Self Deception: Overcoming internal Obstacles

[Thought Art]

Hello Everyone!

I've been watching Leos Videos and working toward self actualization for the past 3 or 4 years. I started from a really rotten low place: Mental health problems, no habits, smoking pot, ADHD etc and Ive come so so  so far! Leo of course is partly to thank as other influencers and plenty of books, apps and techniques.

How do you guys handle backsliding, or reality showing you how much work you have to do. The focus of this thread is dealing with things like: Impulsivity, drug use, negative thinking, resentment and Devilry. Honestly, I am a leader working toward self actualization. I get huge downloads, visions, and mystical experiences. However, still I backslide from time to time and demonize others. My mind creates stories about others and how bad they are, even though really maybe its me thats being a devil. Or am just as much as a devil. I recently lost my best friend and business partner to my self deceptions, neediness etc.

 

I am interested in speaking with people about:

- Transference, backsliding, relationship issues, shadow work, devilry, being in positions of power, ego, survival, self deception, mentors, etc

 

Looking forward to speaking to you Devils

 

 

[Thought Art]

For examples: Through mindfulness I often observe that I have multiple opinions and drives over situations. Especially when my ego is threatened I can see my higher and lower self. It feels so right to give into the shenpa, resentment, greed, lust  or devilry. The fact that these lower impulses are so convincing and powerful has me really wary of putting myself into a leadership position. I am highly aware that, yes, I am corruptible. 

[Surfingthewave]

@Thought Art You've solved the first part of the problem as you've recognised it for what it is. The next bit is realising that backsliding is part of the process to growth. The more you go backsliding the more you are growing spiritually. It's counter intuitive but so is this work. The key to it all is not to give in to backsliding. Carry on with your work. Give yourself lots of self love along the way. Well done for getting this far and making progress. 

[Thought Art]

@Surfingthewave Thank you! How are you dealing with your own devilry?

Self love is important, really grateful for Leo's last video. I am aware that backsliding is a part of it. And when I came out of my resentful devil, make believe bull shit I was spewing on my 'friend' It was too late and I have now further pushed them away. I am hoping to heal things, but when I deceive myself and make things worse, it can make self love harder. Though, more and more as I work through my heart wall, and open my my bodies energies I experience more self love. Which, as you have said now that I think of it... During each of my last back lashes I experienced flashes of intense self love, and even visions for my purpose. 

 

 

[Surfingthewave]

@Thought Art You sound like you're very near a shift in consciousness. Get ready! 

For me, I stopped ruminating on the backsliding. I just carried on. I also started to do things that made me feel better as I was wasting thought energy on why I was backsliding, so felt drained so I wouldn't do my life purpose, distracted myself etc etc. 

It's a trap, a strangeloop, a circle. Break the chain you break the backsliding. Don't give it so much attention. 

Edited December 8, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Thought Art]

Woah, thats amazing. I really appreciate your engagement on this thread. I have noticed that I almost instantly recover from my backsliding now. In the past I would be broken down for days, weeks or even months...I am very excited.

 

Very Grateful so far for this community! Looking forward to more engagement with you all!