Fear of awakening!

[Bazooka Jesus]

Heya,

it's me again, your not-so-young Padawan on the rocky path towards enlightenment. ;o)

As I stated in my recent debut post, I have been sort of dabbling in spirituality for the past three years; however, I feel like I am at a point now where this whole thing is beginning to gain some actual traction. I just finished my first ten day meditation retreat, which kind of led me further down the rabbit hole of spiritual awakening; and boy oh boy, I do feel like I am about to get close to some ominous point of no return where the still open entrance of this newly discovered rabbit hole is going to cave in and the only way left to go will be the way forward, further and further down into the unknown guts of ultimate reality.

The thing is: I am just not sure if I am ready yet to take that leap!

I mean, I recently had some glimpses into the nature of my true self; at first these glimpses have been pretty blissful and uplifting, kind of like discovering a whole new playground... ah, what am I saying, a whole freaking theme park full of slides, carousels and roller coasters hiding right beneath the surface of everyday ego consciousness. However, as these glimpses got more frequent and more deep, this initial lightheaded joy of discovery has recently given way to an almost Lovecraftian sense of existential dread, a tangible fear of facing a truth that I just won't be able to stomach (the most terrifying aspect of awakening being the looming realization of all-encompassing aloneness, the realization that there is nothing an no one around to keep me company but ME) - and all the while, the corridors of my mind are reverberating with the dreadfully portentous sound of that old C. G. Jung dictum: 'BEWARE OF UNEARNED WISDOM...'

 

 

I feel that I still carry around TONS of baggage that keep me anchored to the shores of ego consciousness, and I am somewhat afraid that if I try to sail away into the sunset without having properly lifted this anchor, my ramshackle boat is going to break into a thousand pieces before even having the chance to leave the harbor. --- So I guess my question is: How do you know if you are 'ready' for the truth? CAN you ever be ready for the truth? Is the voice inside of me that is telling me to play it slow, cool and safe lest I get in over my head the innate voice of wisdom or is it just the murmur of dirty old Mara trying to f*** me over? Am I overthinking all of this?!

Edited November 15, 2019 by Bazooka Jesus

[Bazooka Jesus]

PS: In case you have never seen it, the movie Little Buddha offers a pretty neat illustration of Mara trying to scare the ever living crap out of the spiritual seeker of truth.

 

Edited November 15, 2019 by Bazooka Jesus

[LfcCharlie4]

I was exactly the same as you.

im not going to lie enlightenment isn’t all sunshine and rainbows unforunately, it forces you to deal with all the shit you’ve been putting off for years, but that’s a good thing, believe me.

 You can only truly know if you’re ready, an element of doubt is normal, and the ego will thrive on it to try and survive.

what will be easier is to list your actual fears and deconstruct them one by one, list them here and write them down,

and contemplate each one.

most you’ll realise are just you scared of the unknown and trying to survive.

 

[Bazooka Jesus]

Hi LfcCharlie4,

thanks for your advice! Yeah, you’re right, it might be a good idea to write it all down... I think I’ll give it a shot sometime. ;o)

Of course, the desire to ’deal with my shit’ is what got me into spirituality in the first place; I just wanna make sure that I don’t rush in and bite off more than I can chew, y’know?

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2019 by Bazooka Jesus

[remember]

On 11/15/2019 at 3:34 PM, Bazooka Jesus said:

PS: In case you have never seen it, the movie Little Buddha offers a pretty neat illustration of Mara trying to scare the ever living crap out of the spiritual seeker of truth.

 

 all i ask myself right now, why do they have to be women? isn´t that just another attempt to disembody and scapegoat males problems unto women? i mean of course these traits often are connected to female appearance in men`s lifes but they are not it... just a thought i had about these personifications in the shape of females. the devil in skirts so to say.