Palliative care and consciousness

[lostmedstudent]

I am currently spending a week in palliative care, taking care of patients who are dying imminently. Witnessing death from such a intimate and close angle has made me feel uneasy, yet peaceful. Even patients in palliative care do not accept the fact that they are dying. Besides physical pain, Most of them are anxious of being here. We do not directly discuss death with the patients either, unless they want to talk about it. 

The symptoms that we aim to relieve at end of life are mostly pain, anxiety, nausea, and trouble breathing. Both the pain med (opiod) and the anxiety med (benzo) are sedative at high doses, which would be the case for most patients as they pass. So as expected, their deaths are mostly peaceful from an outsiders POV with those medications : not much respiratory labor, the face is quite relaxed at death, and not much agitation. 

Compared to some dying process I witnessed in hospitals, it is indeed much more dignified and peaceful. However, I am curious to know what the sedative effect has on consciousness at death. Would it be better to suffer yet lucid or to be not suffering but sedated when dying? I have never experienced ego death , I would like to hear from those of you who has, what do you think about symptoms reliefs at death. Would that easy the ego fading process? 

thanks for everyone’s input in advance  

[Truth Addict]

Ego-death is not what you think it is. My ego died but at that time I didn't know that it was ego-death and it felt like freedom more than anything else. It's as if you have tons of responsibilities to take care of, or as if you were carrying the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, and then you suddenly drop everything and become free. At that moment, you discover that you were taking things way too seriously and that nothing really matters, just let go of the wheel and enjoy the ride.

At least that was my experience, and it's deepening every single day.

Edited September 25, 2019 by Truth Addict