Spiritual Ramblings

[MuddyBoots]

I'm starting an Actualized journal today after thinking about it for a while. Spiritual Ramblings has a double meaning: of walking on a journey and also waffling on; I expect to do both and everyone can decide for themselves which is which Walking in the local countryside is more than just a hobby, I seek out the wilderness (such as it is in England) to connect with eternal nature, it is my second home. Hence my username.

I have been meditating for 39 years, on and off, in various traditions. Don't know whether to bore you with the details, let's see how it goes, but I have got a practice which suits me at present although I suspect I may be at risk of coasting at the moment. 

 Issue 1. How to know if I'm a slow developer, or is this is where I need to be right now? I don't feel enlightened or think I've reached any high states, but don't have a problem with that, life is good these days. Or perhaps enlightenment in my case is just a very gentle contentedness and deepening peacefulness, rather than a radical revolutionary thing. I get glimpses of egolessness / unity / non-dualism - is that what I should focus on, or are other things more important at the moment? 

Issue 2. I've learned a variety of techniques, and I'm not currently following a teacher, so decide for myself what practice to do. Hopefully this journal will reflect that and assist me. One of my previous teachers, Andrew Quernmore of vipassana.com, suggested journalling at least monthly to review the situation and help decide any changes or tweaks. Other teachers would just give me instructions which weren't really up for discussion. I've actually flipped between belonging to groups and going solo, so far Actualized.org seems a good mixture of being in a group and keeping my own authority, instead of being just a passive follower. 

Issue 3. Actually all my other issues bundled up for brevity. Family life is important, so how to integrate all my roles like husband, father etc with my spirituality. I've got some  plans for healthy living such as losing a bit of weight, detoxing some, keeping fit. My job, an office job which I love, is on track and hopefully secure, my ambitions extend to maybe getting one more promotion before I retire. But it's fine if I don't. 

Nick. 

Edited September 11, 2019 by MuddyBoots
Spelling.

[MuddyBoots]

Meditation is on track at the moment, twice yesterday and then today with some friends at my local Unitarian chapel, 20-30 minutes per session.  Individual & group sittings is a good comparison. The odd thing is, the longer I've been practicing meditation, the less defined it becomes. I don't really have a consistent name for what I'm doing nowadays, it's something in the region of do nothing, choiceless awareness, letting go, let it be,  passive awareness (my own name), just being, pure awareness. I don't even have a clear 'technique', but rather a non-technique of letting go of the active doer, the observer. When I first started I had very defined techniques, such as TM. I do use mindfulness of breathing and body scanning when my monkey mind is too active.  Also, I often want to bow at the end of a meditation, sometimes even to prostrate on the floor. What is this about? My ego trying to communicate with the Unity of Being perhaps? Or just phoney humility?

One of my obstacles to mindfulness is music and catchy tunes going round my head. Wondering how many others have this issue, my mother did too so it may be inherited. We're surrounded by trashy muzac, it's like the wallpaper of modern life but is really a veil between our awareness and reality.  Even some spiritual people even put a layer of muzac on their youtube videos.

Weight loss is progressing too. Mainly just reducing portion sizes and cutting out high fat 'treats'. I lost half a stone when I was ill a couple of months ago and hardly eating, managed to keep it off and lost a bit more, down to nearly a stone lost now and my clothes getting loose.  The psychological comfort eating is gradually surrendering to the rest of me which only wants what I actually need. And I feel lighter and more energetic too! Maybe this means I'm due for a fall in this area

Nick.

[Truth Addict]

On 14/09/2019 at 2:25 AM, MuddyBoots said:

Maybe this means I'm due for a fall in this area

I don't get it. How come so?

[MuddyBoots]

hubris   ... I'm feeling chuffed about losing some weight (down by 1 whole stone now!) but still struggling with temptation, comfort eating, eating for boredom etc so expect a bumpy journey with ups and downs. Part of it is feeling ok to be a bit hungry sometimes, in fact I should be hungry when it's mealtime otherwise I'm eating too much previously!

[MuddyBoots]

Meditation. 

Having done an unstructured method for a while now, I've reached a stage where the self exists for practical purposes in life, but between times there is awareness of (being). Or rather, just (being) because "awareness of something" suggests a separation of awareness and its contents. I like the metaphor of waves on the ocean. It's all one ocean, but some of the waves on the surface start thinking for themselves and competing against the others. Oh heck, I sound really clichéd now!   I think I'm ready to try another meditation, for October. The ones I'm experienced in are: 

# Choiceless awareness CA (current one)
# Mindfulness of breathing MOB (my 2nd one)
# Body scan (done less than first two)
# Sublime abodes

There's an historical Buddhist influence here so I've a week to decide what I need for October's sitting. Perhaps I could do CA or MOB in the mornings for continuity and a new type in the evenings. I'll do some research. 

Reading. Currently: 
Be Here Now - Ram Dass
Mindfulness for Dummies - Shamash Alidina
The Shaking Of The Foundations - Paul Tillich 

I'm a REALLY slow reader, especially nonfiction, quality over quantity. The ideas are a slow burn for a slow mind. I'd rather spend a few months reading and sucking all the juice out of a good book, than race through one per week. Plus, I like to do a short review of spiritual books on some of my forums (mostly Unitarian). I wonder if reviews are welcome here? 

I have a good friend very seriously ill at the moment. My heart prays to the holy spirit for healing, even though my head is atheist. But I don't want to be narrow minded, so I also pray for healing for everyone else. The holy spirit has enough to go round, surely? A miracle for one person is wonderful but not newsworthy. Miracles for all sick people would be just crazy! Even Jesus allegedly only healed a handful, not the whole country ... why not? Hmmm..

Blessings all,
Nick

Edited September 22, 2019 by MuddyBoots
Added extra paragraph.

[MuddyBoots]

We're into October and guess what, I missed my deadline! Problem is, having done some research, I've found 3 different meditations which are too many all at once, so I need to prioritise. They are: 

1. Self-enquiry. To gain better awareness of the self sensation and how it relates to non-self (everything else). 
2. Body scan. I haven't been doing this too much lately, it occurred to me it may be a better alternative for equanimity than the usual sublime abodes (which I never really got on with). Also for a more focused attention, rather than total awareness with (being) meditation. 
3. Awareness of navel (the classic stereotype of contemplating my navel) as alternative to mindfulness of breathing. Relaxation, tranquillity, centreing, getting out of my head and into my body for a short while. 

I'll start with self-enquiry for October as my evening sitting, morning sitting is still letting go (not clinging / (being)). Then review early Nov. Either continue or try one of the others. 

Edited October 6, 2019 by MuddyBoots