Fear of being who I become

[Identity]

I have grown quite a bit of the last years. One thing that has been hard for me for during the process is letting my growth penetrate my “external world”.

I find it easier to do the growing by myself, this in a sense comes easier to me. But then expressing what I’ve learned, being who I have become in my everyday life, is challenging to me.

This is the core pillar of why I have been having troubles with my throath chakra.

So examples of this are:

- being around the same people, not cutting others out of my life and letting my social circle evolve with me

- doing the same activities, things like going out, discussions, etc.

And in general, just being in the state of being when I am alone. Just being aware, speaking of a state of self-awareness, moving from it. 

I feel this need to pretend and please others. Make them like me. Not rock the boat too much. At times I can see that I am them, but only in flashes.

I am afraid very little of the way my life is now will remain if I fully open up. My life will first have to fall apart.

 

[Truth Addict]

Seems like an imbalance between theory and practice. It seems like you've cultivated very high ideals while at the same time being disconnected from reality.

Simply put, you need to break the fear with practice, that's the ultimate solution.

10% theory + 90% action.

Also, just to refresh your life, change some of the little stuff that you routinely do. Or make big changes if you want to create a new person. Your environment affects you, be wise with it.

[Identity]

Its like my life is a pool of water and spiritual practice is ink drops being dropped into that pool.

the ink in my case feels like its not spreading out easily over the whole pool, colering it evenly, but instead spreads slowly, like the water is cold and not letting it spread easily.

Dropping more ink, spiritual practice, in it will definitely work. But perhaps heating up the water could make it go more smoothly.

Heating up the water being synomous for expression, throath chakra, being myself.

I feel like I am going through big changes in state on a day to day basis. Somethimes being in self-trancended type states, and somethimes completely lost in ignorance.