Guilting Myself in Work

[kindayellow]

Okay so in my job, it sometimes gets quiet and my mind wanders. I have feelings of being trapped, not in the sense I can't change jobs but just in the present moment, having the thoughts of "when's break time?" "Oh, another hour until lunch" sort of thing. And I also have an issue of guilting myself. I have the thought process of "maybe I wouldn't feel so unfulfilled in work if I really took advantage of my free time when I'm home. And in a sense im right, but guilting myself can't be healthy. Does anyone else feel the same?

[loub]

Most people identify themselves as the part within them that wants to pursue some higher goal or value like good diet, meditation practice, working on LP, etc... and perceive within them some other part that actively works against that. Then the struggle begins to overcome that part and you go back and forth. If you were to see yourself as the entirety of this process you'd have to come to terms with an uncomfortable realisation: you have and do exactly what you want.

Your struggle is just a way of avoiding that realization and to maintain the division within because of fear of the unknown and the comfort of disfunctional certainty.
Facing uncomfortable realizations is hard and it's going to get worse before it can get better.

If you guilt yourself for not using your spare time effectively, then ask yourself why it is that you don't want to. Don't say that you do want to. The struggle is just a way of holding up the comfortable delusion that you want those things.
If you actually did, you'd do them.

Hope this can be of any help. Best regards