Secondhand embarassment

[Farnaby]

Hi!

What are your thoughts on secondhand embarassment? Do you think it always has to do with some shadow aspect or personal insecurity? 

For example, my brother is a person who loves to draw attention on to himself, to the point where many people feel kind of embarassed when they are around him in public. Could this embarassment also be just a sensation that a personal boundary (i.e not liking to feel observed by others while he is doing something embarassing) is being neglected by these kind of people? 

I see how this triggers my own insecurity of being judged when I’m around him. But since other people also feel this way when they’re around him couldn’t it be that it’s normal to feel embarassed when a close person is making a bit of a fool of themselves? 

[flowboy]

What is a fool? Contemplate what it means for you to make a fool of oneself.

For me personally, it is nothing but projections of my own fears of being judged/not being accepted/shunned.

I believe it is normal to have those fears. Which explains why your brother triggers most people, as you say.

In recent months I haven't really been fearful of being judged, at all anymore. It's been a long process of multiple years, freeing myself from that. And I can't remember the last time I ever felt embarassed for someone else.

So I agree with your hypothesis that it is just a trigger based on a projected fear/insecurity.

 

Reminds me of what my friend said at this festival. She had seen a large woman with big floppy sagging breasts proudly walking around half naked. She commented: "I wouldn't do that, if I looked like that. I think it is very brave."

But her tits are perfect (probably) and she still won't go skinny dipping with the rest. Because she has that fear, and the fat woman is free.

 

To me, the inner dialogue of second hand embarassment goes something like this: "Oh man, I wish I could jump around and shout like that. That felt great to do when I was a kid. But last time I did that, people reprimanded me and pushed their own judgments and fears onto me, and made me feel shame. And now I'm scared to do it again. I wish I were that free"