3.5g Magic Mushroom Trip Report - The Tale of the Whale | #15

[cle103]

I've thought long about if I should even post this one as it was so strange and not even really a trip. But anyhow - here goes nothing. 

The tale of the whale began a week ago. After finishing my evening meditation I sat down in my room and just enjoyed the silence for a bit. The meditation was meh... but the after state was a dense silence. Then I journaled a bit. I jotted down some questions based on observations I made earlier this week:  

I was walking through the park on my way to work and just looked at the ducks. It was really interesting. Why do they do what they do? Why do they fight over food? Yes, they are programmed! They just play this program called survival without being aware of it. Very interesting. In this instance I also realized: Wait, I am doing the exact fucking thing! I am running my survival program! But who installed the program? Who is really running the show? Interesting question. 

This thought process came back up that evening and I just wrote down more questions... and it all came down to: Who am I? Not in a villy nilly way (in which I did one year of self inquiry) but in a very threatening way. It felt like I asked this question for first time for real.

I proceeded to go to the bathroom and as I sat down to take a piss my complete identity just slipped away. It was complete silence and there was the urge to think but nothing came up. It was just a blank. There was still a body sitting there but it was not born, it had no parents and no image of itself. That was freaky to say the least until it went away again (one minute or so). 

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Then, on Friday I was walking through town and again asked myself: "Who am I?". Then there was a voice in my head. The same one which talked to me multiple times during my trips. It said: "Ask a better question!". I answered: "Who is asking this question?". (This was totally spontaneous). However in that instance my mind flipped completely from the inside out. 

There was no "outside" there was only inside. This only lasted a couple seconds but was very radical. 

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On Saturday I wanted to make my monthly trip. I weighed out 3.5g of mushrooms, made my tea. Sipped it. Laid down. 

The come up was slow. 

Then there was an insight: 

I had a vision of a bug of some sort which was trapped and tortured in some sort of device. It was really heart wrenching. I sent the bug love but there was no change. Then the insight hit: Love is what brought the bug there. Love is what made the device. And the torturer is acting out of Love. In that instance the device disappeared and the bug was set free. 

---

This was so deep but it still went on: 

Not only does "good" or "bad" not exist in the realm of Truth, there is a much much deeper level to it: For duality of any sort to exist, there first must be the possibility of distinction. HOWEVER, there is no distinction, there is only absolute... and THEREFORE good and bad do not exist! 

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After that there was a vision of some heroin and coke addicts. I put my arms closer to my body because they were injecting themselves and I am afraid of needles. Then there was the insight: They are doing the exact same thing as you are. They are searching for the great white whale. They are searching for God!

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Another insight was: If you want to be enlightened you have to surrender the commentator. I notice this in myself especially. My mind has become much more quiet over the last months but there is still this voice which comments on everything. It's not even that malicious (that's what it tells me at least ) but it still puts everything into categories and narrates my life. This has to be surrendered as well. 

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All this happened in the first two hours of the trip then something very, very strange happened. 

I've never had these auditory hallucinations before, it sounded alien, mechanical even. And then... don't call me crazy (or do, I don't care)... for one second... on the top right of me... an alien popped up. It was small-ish (1-2 feet), had a big head, was grey and had black eyes.

This could absolutely be a figment of my imagination. I have no idea at all. But I can clearly remember it. This way or the other it was there.

And what was even stranger, the trip stopped after that.

It was basically the come up - no peak - come down. All in 4 hours max. This NEVER happened to me. 

I then proceeded to go on with my life and decided to re-dose later that evening. I did so at about 6pm with about 3g's... but yet again, there were only mild effects but no where near where 3g's have taken me in the past. It was barely noticeable, like 0.6g's maybe. 

This was quite disappointing as I had some big questions lined up.

However the show must go on and the search for the great white whale continues. 

Thank you for reading!

Edited September 2, 2019 by cle103
Question already answered

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Awesome trip report, interesting visions and was curious as to finding out more detail about that alien you saw, lol. Why do so many people see these grey/black-eyed aliens? Is this a product of culture making this type of alien popular or did it originate from mystical experiences in the first place? I think the ladder but I want to find this out for myself. 

Sorry you didn't get the effects you were looking for in the re-dose later that day, but if you already consumed 3.5g earlier then your body has already built up such a tolerance to it that you would need to increase that dose exponentially to get the same effects, so re-dosing with another 3g would be a waste. 

[cle103]

@TrynaBeTurquoise Yes, I am curious about the alien as well LOL. 

It was always like he was operating on me. Then I noticed him by accident and he was like... "Shit, I slipped dimensions and he saw me... STOP the operation guys, we have to come back later!" 

Regarding the looks of it, I have no idea. Maybe the cultural images are like that because they really look like this  As I said, maybe it was a figment of my imagination but then again... what would be the difference?