Andler00

lonely

3 posts in this topic

I have struggled with loneliness for about two years now. I am now studying in a new city in Norway(oslo). Firstly I don’t have any friends I talk to regurally(I have had friends during this two years, but for 5 or 6 months now I haven’t talked to them really at all). The loneliness got deeper when I got interested in this kind of philosophical and spiritual work, when all my interest became different from everyone around me. Now I feel alienated, depressed and extremely lonely. If someone that is reading this also is from Norway, Oslo (or is atleast studying there) that is struggling with the same problem as me, can you please message me, so we maybe can get to know eachother a bit and maybe become friends. If not, then can I ask for any advices from someone that knows my situation, and have overcome loneliness in the past, for any advice for how to solve the problem. I am just in the beginning of my self actualization work, and need more practical advices, than the kind of advice you would give a developed and actualized person.  

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I'm from Norway, albeit not Oslo, and I have been struggling with a similar situation.

It's hard to find people with similar interests, but they do exist. EmmaSofia is an organization advocading the legalization of psychedelics, and I'm sure you would find a lot of like-minded people there (if you have the slightest interest in psychedelics). They're based in Oslo and they have occasional gatherings. There's also different yoga and meditation groups. This one for example, they have weekly gatherings which are free. You could also expand your interests. Personally I think BJJ is quite fun and the people where I'm going are super nice.

Even if you weren't to do that, you could always just own it. "Heck yeah, I'm into spirituality!" I know it's hard to do when coming from such a vulnerable place with little to no friends, but it's definitely something worth striving for in the long run. Unapologetically sharing your worldview. Know that your unique perspective is really one of your greatest assets, and it can be a source of great pride if you let it.

Also, don't turn spirituality into an ideology. I think partly the reason why I had such a hard time talking with people about it was because I was so emotionally attached to the spritual ideas. That made it very hard to share, because the ideas were very likely to get rejected and it was so painful when it happened. They were ideology, and not rooted in direct experience. Which brings me to my second point; stick to direct experience. Whenever you speak from direct experience that makes what you're saying so much more relatable. I know it's scary, particularly if you feel there's something inherently flawed about yourself, but speaking your personal truth is so worth it. Not only is it appreaciated by most people, but it's also super enjoyable to just be yourself fully. That's really the most important thing. No form of peer approval comes close to the satisfaction of simply living your truth, and that is something no one can take from you.

I wish you the best of luck. There's truly so much to be learned from this kind of situation, as it's such a great opportunity to connect with who you truly are. The path towards self-acceptance is a long path, and in my view it's best found in the woods. So disconnect from the Internet and take long walks in nature, and attend a local group whenever you feel the need for socialization.

Og hvis du skulle ta turen til Trondheim er det bare å ta kontakt :)


I am myself, heaven and hell.

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You gotta lower your standards a bit when it comes to friends. I don't mean being around with people you're not interested at all, but this thing that one's friends must be into spirituality and stuff, or even have the same exact interests as you, is a little silly. 

For example none of my friends are really into spirituality the same way I am. And even if they were, would we like talk about enlightenment and Actualized.org every time we met or some shit? Of course not. Spirituality is stuff you do solo, friends are for inspiring each other, growing together and having fun. 

There are a trillion interests and things to talk about and explore with other people. Including many high consciousness and inspiring things too, not just watching YouTube or some shit. It's just that your view is too narrow.

So try to let go of how you think your friends must be, and start exploring. 

As for the practical aspect of meeting people: Cold approach bro, cold approach.

And I'm not simply talking about women. That too. But it's much broader than that.

I mean going out and actually interacting with the world. Actually opening your mind to new possibilities and putting in the effort in meeting new people. 

You wouldn't believe how much your mind is limiting you in this. How much it's creating excuses for how there are no people you could be with, when in fact there are hundreds, thousands of people around all the time every time you step out of your house that you could meet every day. 

But it's not easy. It's something you need to contemplate deeply and take baby steps towards. If you've been a loner all your life, the momentum is just too much. (And even people who are good at socializing don't realize how much they limit themselves, always staying within their social circles and never exploring much what's outside.)  

The best place to start is going out and start doing things out of your routine. Approach 100 new people and have a 1 minute conversation, or something like that. That alone will totally transform your mind. Also go to a ton of new places by yourself. Get comfortable being alone and feeling totally cool about it and meeting new people while being alone. Get creative. 

 

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