Shamanic breathing + mindfulness experience

[Oleg_T]

The other evening I've had a very exciting and at the same time terrifying experience.

I was doing shamanic breathing technique, but at the same time also a mindfulness practice. Once i'm mindful of an experience, i let it go as soon as possible; I accept it and acceptance allows the letting go.

Its a little hard to put exactly what happen into english words but i'll try.

I was sitting (not lying) and trying to keep my back straight while doing the breathwork. Such intense breathing for me means a lot of effort to keep going, so during breathing the resistance to continue is naturally coming up.
I'm reminding myself to be mindful of the resistance, and then once i'm mindful i'm intending to let it go. But in this very process i'm realizing that its in itself an experience that i have to be mindful of!
I'm now being mindful of that experience and then i realize that i'm not keeping my back straight, i try to keep my back straight but its in itself is also an experience and the feeling of my back and my body is also an experience.
I'm wondering - where is that experience happenning? And then i realize that its also a thought, an experience, that is happenning right now, and while i'm realizing it i realize that i have to keep up with the breathing.
But the feeling of breathing and the thought that i have to keep up is also an experience which is happenning!
See, it's a loop.

I was stuck in a cycle and at one point i've lost any control over it. I couldn't stop. It was going over and over and over. I was feeling DEEPLY TERRIFIED that i've gone insane and it's gonna last forever.
It was going on and on and on, being mindful of an experience is in itself an experience, and mindfulness of it is also an experience.. and then you remember to breath and keep your back straight which is also an experience... it just doesn't compute and sends you endlessly going through a loop.

I didn't know what's real anymore. I wasn't sure if my entire life story is just a thought. I wasn't sure if my body isn't just a feeling.

I was terrified and i remember FORCING myself back into my physical reality, into my body, i had to repeat to myself that i am really <my name> and everything is fine.

Retrospectively, I think the fear of going insane is why i stopped, i forced myself to not keep up with mindfulness, because being mindful of that fear would just keep the loop going. I wonder what happens if you keep it going. But i'm afraid it will break my brain (yes my brain is just a thought i know).

[Oleg_T]

Ok, it happened 2 days ago. I haven't done the breathing for 2 days, but i did about 1.5 hours of meditation yesterday and 40 minutes today. The last 20 minutes i did just about an hour ago.

I feel mindfulness building up, i feel like i'm losing the sense of reality. I'm scared.

I'm trying to ground myself, trying to watch a video and texting my friend.

What happens if i let it go?

Will i be in that state forever?

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

I tried the shamanic breathing yesterday too. 

I think watching some of Leos videos, specifically "The Radical Implications of Oneness" will help. As well as other videos on Non-Duality. And the video on "Does free-will exist?", and "Life is a Dream"

Realizing there is no such thing as sanity/insanity, that is a duality that only exists in a relative sense not in an absolute sense. So you can transcend this fear of thinking you've "gone insane". Psychedelics also show you this. 

You are mindful of identifying your thoughts, but your thought of "an experience within an experience" is still a thought, so all those layers are basically the same thing coming from the mind, but when you practice meditation the goal it to just tap into "pure direct experience" 

You probably have expanded your consciousness so now you need to be at peace with your new sense of reality, because maybe your old way of thinking about what reality is has been shifted due to this experience. Reality is all imagination anyway, once you become conscious and see how reality is no different from a dream you won't be so worried about losing sense of "reality". You can just feel your emotions not being afraid and go with the flow of life doing what you love. 

Edited August 6, 2019 by TrynaBeTurquoise

[Oleg_T]

I was going through Leo's videos and here

(at 41m10s)

he describes the same kind of experience i had. I was too scared of going insane so i didn't accept it and fell back into the conceptual reality.

I also forgot to mention that at some point during the breathing i felt like the inner back part of my brain got clenched into a fist and at that moment i lost any control over anything, i didn't feel like i can control my breathing and movement anymore.

So apparently you can have that kinda trip just through shamanic breathing if you're dedicated enough.

Edited August 17, 2019 by Oleg_T

[Rinne]

Thanks for sharing your experience. Hope your doing fine now. How long were you doing shamanic breathing btw?