I am so lost and confused now!

[Hardkill]

I am having a real mental crisis right now. My time management sucks, and event though I just achieved my 3rd degree black belt in Hapkido about two months ago ran a sub 2 hour half marathon over 3 months ago, and have been significantly gaining some of the raw strength I lost from shifting my primary workout focus/goal from gaining strength to gaining more aerobic/anaerobic conditioning for both the half marathon and my black belt test.  I also, just finished my last class for this semester for my Masters in teaching program. However, I still waste so much time almost every single day of my life. I usually don’t work or study for more than about 4-5 days on average. I am arguably the worst procrastinator in the world as I constantly wait and do nothing productive from about 15 min. to 2 hours before I do what I am supposed to do or whatever I planned to work on or do.

Also, there are so many things that I’ve wanted to become as an adult including: a physiologist, a visual fine artist, a play/film/tv/movie actor, martial arts stage performer, stunt performer, professor, etc. Plus I want to become famous and Rich and own my business. I also want to work on becoming a good public speaking, excellent reader of books and articles of all kinds, improve my charisma and seduction skills dramatically.  

I still don’t have enough money of my own to buy that Life Purpose course from Leo. As a 31 year old man, I feel like most of not all of my great dreams or wishes are turning into pipe dreams that will be impossible to achieve because don’t have enough youth left to achieve them.

Also, I am starting to regret having spend so much of my life on studying and practicing all of my hobbies. None of the achievements I’ve made and the experiences, knowledge, and wisdom I got from doing any of those passions ever really translated to any other aspects of my life. The only possible exception to that would be my social and dating life, which I never gave up on despite all of the painful failures I made in learning and practicing my skills in those areas, not to mention all of the constant whining I made to so many people I made about all of the struggles I went through with socializing with others and dating girls.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention how behind I am with the time that I was suppose to put in for meditation.

I am freaking out a lot right now.

[Truth Addict]

@Hardkill

I feel you, it's really tough, I know it.

You are not lost, neither confused. You are perfect, and I love you ❤️

Sometimes it's very important to check with the basics, do you have enough sleep and rest? Are you relaxed? Does your diet lack anything important? Are you well hydrated?

After checking with all of those, look again, and see how you feel.

You should feel better.

You don't have to meditate, you're free to meditate whenever you like. Meditation can help you find peace, that's why you feel you need it.

The reason why you feel lost and confused is because you've forgotten yourself, meditation can literally bring you back to life.

After checking with the basics, stop all the other unnecessary activities, it'll be hard at first, but you'll get better with time and practice.

Keep cutting out the unnecessary stuff that you do, until you're left with the basics, you'll notice how much you were addicted to unnecessary and unhealthy habits, and eventually you will find peace by simply staying still.

It will pass, have some faith.

I hope the best for you ❤️

You're more than you think you are, you just don't know it yet.