So you really are alone in this world or NOT?

[Javfly33]

First of all, I have posted this self-development but this could be moved to Spirituality. I am really not sure since It involves both.

 

ISo far this week i´ve been fascinated by the "discovery" i´ve had about my "problem" which i´ve created and maintining pretty much all my life about anxiety and fear and comparing with others.

While this discovery haven´t removed my anxiety or social comparison AT ALL YET, now I enjoy a total lack of confusion regarding why I feel particularly x way with social situations or with certain people. Since I started being honest with myself doing self-development something that would make me nuts was that I could see myself being not authentic in certain social situations (pretty much all except some people which I am very confident with) but I couln´t really know WHY! WHY! WHY! This went on for years. No matter how much meditation, and read I did, it was all words. But I keept doing the practice and some big, big insight happened last week.

Now I am perfectly clear why. This might not apply to everyone but in case someone could apply this: It´s because whatever it is arising from you, you are comparing the value of that arising awareness (in the form of thought, idea, actiion) with the opinion, validation, value...etc of the other person. In my case I have drawned the conclusion that in the person which I prioritize his opinion about my arising awareness, is because that person I believe has more value than me. Now, this is just words or it could be put in other words sure, but the hard fact is again,  you are comparing the value of your arising awareness (in the form of thought, idea, action) with the opinion, validation, value...etc of the other person. This is absolutely ridiculous, since the one who is apparent living this life IS...ME! I became consciouss about how the one who is living this life was ME! ME! again...ME! And I started seeing how this could be the final liberation but also how scary this is. This means that you don´t have anything to grab on if you truly embrace this. Everything that comes within you will be everything that it is.

And I want to embrace this because this seems truth. Total responsability about myself feels truth. But also total isolation feels scary. I can´t see how I can take this big step. Please I need advice in this.

I am not asking for validation (this should be such an irony!) but rather about knowledge about common traps regarding one/others in the spiritual journey. Each time I feel like I am going "outhere in my mind" to compare myself with others, I just become aware of my chest and say to myself "stay. stay. stay where you are always have been". This feels like something bigger is awakening. Is getting lighter. Not enlightment but rather the sober truth that I am pure if I stay where I am. What is the next step? How to accept embrace this radical truth. Should I do more Yoga?

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One last note, dont confuse this with dangerous deshinibtion. I mean, for example shitting on the middle of the street or throwing a rock to a police car, that I do not have to compare with the people on the street or the police men, in that situation, the thought coming from my awareness already have included the dangers of going to jail if I do the latter for example. In contrast to most people think, authenticity is always ready no matter how "dependent" you might have been of other´s people of opinion. Because whatever arises from within you is authenticity. If in that moment it goes with a comparison with the other people´s judgement, is probably because in that case the judgement is pretty much important, for example going to jail. Is it when the comparison with the other people´s comes AFTER your espontaneous creation (idea, thought, etc), that you should be suspicious of. What you are comparing with? If you really are one and unique in your awareness... That is my question.

 

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST . I HOPE THIS CAN HELP PEOPLE TOO that might be struggling with type of minds.

Edited April 21, 2019 by Javfly33