1P-LSD Insights + Micro Retreat

[ValiantSalvatore]

Hey,

first of all, I want to apologize to

Quote

@Leo Gura

 for doing stupid things Namecalling on his forum !!

Since this is a platform where people can exchange information and insights with human beings or people/systems etc. It was not very sharp to do that. This is what I intended to post after, the retreat I scheduled.

To give further information about all of these conclusions and experiences that I am listing. I unearthed some weird believes this time.

But, I want to make sense automatically, since my personality type is INFJ. So, I am prone to search for meaning or create an ideology, I would be a great demagogue. See Hitler for example. 

Micro Retreat Shinzen Young

What happened during the retreat? 

During the retreat, I had two experiences that I finally wanted, I can't retrace if I had them before, since memory is not my strength without support.

So, I finished reading the Book Integral Psychology and was able to infer some meaning from the psychedelic experience or my weird and I know the stage, psychic breakthrough. I was becoming stage turquoise or I was catching the ox or I was becoming one with all sentient beings. I was reaching an early psychic stage. I now know that for more or less. Sure, so I am trying to be as literally as possible, since it is the best way, literally, to use the English language for me including hidden meaning. With puns, I will or you will potentially see that.

The knot in my stomach, the burning knife stabbed into my solar plexus, or how Ken Wilber describes it in Integral Psychology which is a great book (I bought the booklist  3 years ago approx or 2) der Weltenschmerz, or how I would philosophize it with my current understanding of -- the twist and turn of the world, the up and down of shame, anger, frustration and joy and pain turning into flow. Or also the body-brain problem. Or body-mind. But the brain is in the body.

Now how did this happen since various people could be interested in it and most apparently, first it happened spontaneously, regardless of what technique is out there I can make a list at the end of what I tried for 3 years now and for how long. You deal with that problem as long as you are doing meditation regularly and most importantly attend retreats. So, why am I saying this? Because a teacher a coach or a guru can be a great facilitator, yet Knowledge at this point matters. For instance about Shaktipa and different traditions and how they use it.

So, how that knot in my solar plexus or more precisely sternum untangle itself. It just happened, through training and I was so happy listening to the teacher's voice, that my the knot unsnarled and I just cried because of the thought there is someone who cares, I am afraid this will go deeper in the future, but that is okay. After that unsnarling, I looked at my sternum / solar plexus and it was like a tiny metal ball was pulsating up and down and I saw that, with my own eyes, I felt alive, but inside my body and brain hence the body-mind issue. 

The knot unraveling itself part 2: 

Again, I can't tell how advanced people are on this forum which makes me mad all this hideous behavior of people in real life. I am not the best, I tend to be an escapist. Which is not better, but I want to get to the theme Vision Logic later. This time the knot unraveled itself while I was either doing some sort of feel in practice as a basic mindfulness thingy and then focusing on expansion and contraction of that point, basically when does any point in one's body starts to expand and contract and then it gets complicated. So, my mom came home she was visiting some friend and I immediately as she opened the door to the apartment upstairs, I had to cry and the sternum point/void/unfulfillment/knife stab etc. burst open again at the same spot. Because the thought preceded that I am not capable of caring for her currently, because my emotional capacity does not have the necessary breadth of mind inside my heart. Because I keep asking friends and people about observations that I make around meditation and they most often lack the necessary description skills but asking about chakras helps. Since this was once a system in use  (See Integral Psychology don't take my word !  )

Now, this is the good stuff, so I know what it means no. I called Shinzen during the retreat but I lacked the precision to accurately tell everything about the practice since I noticed that he noticed that I noticed that he noticed that there are other things one can work on. I just re-did an older retreat in November one of the audio recordings there about the Primordial Unfulfillment which is the same thing I meditated on the Q&A section. Since this was one of the first problems I encountered when I started meditating late 2014 or beginning 2015. The incentive although was depression. 

I don't see many threads here about retreats or experiences of retreats so one can come to one's own conclusions, through a more or less comprehensive letter of recommendations or not of retreats, especially with psychedelic insights. Since this can go wrong, see YouTubers who do it recreationally, unearned consciousness is valueless. IMO !!! Also, some are bit too comprehensive which is great for greatness, also I do not visit the forum that regularly, even though having a support group would help me tremendously since I am the 7th percentile in conscientiousness according to the understandmyself test which I took two times now. Also, doing other big 5 tests. With different results in conscientiousness solely as a main divergent.

Process of mastery with techniques 

Techniques I used during the retreat from Shinzen Young were, the classic see, hear, feel, in and out. He had an offering? Called introduction to spontaneity, in which I used Auto Speak for the first time. Feel Flow and Rest. These are the things that I am working with also gone. He also offered the pain processing algorithm, yet looking at the pdf documents helps to clarify some ambiguity and obscurity. 

Auto Speak and 1P-LSD

I was not under the influence of any substances during the three days I also did not eat much. I tried Auto Speak basically a mantra for the first time I assume many people on this forum would never try this, but I can help in various ways, through strong labeling during a mindfulness practice, because it does not obfuscated the precision with which one attempts to identify an emotion, since one automatically includes the auditory capacities... literally of the system of practice. So, I chanted as loud as I could because I was quite angry that nobody cared and I dislike holy days. Now, back to my 1P-LSD trip this is where it can get dark for people, with the word intelligence. Because I sat down and meditated on my chair where I usually meditate and wanted to sit for some time it was either a 4 hour sit or a 2 hour. As I was sitting down my awareness was so present that I could not use a meditative technique it would hinder my from subconscious processing the Hintergedanke or thought way way way-way back in the reptilian brain? And I felt like a knight, I felt like my intelligence was a tool that can be used also, how my type of and this is where it goes astray(Literally I saw how the strength of my attention climaxed). Archetype Infj, or w/e Raven, Beaver, Gemini, Aquarius, Leo, Pisces etc. little Bird. Started to become active it felt like I went through a whole bell curve of my cognitive capacity. With a focus on how I think through journaling etc. I felt like a old wise knight with a scare inside his sternum through a battle with others, call it Nadi or whatever names there are. Now, during this trip time just passed and it was similar to Auto-Speak or Chant technique which seemed to help transcend time, not space but time. Also, blurting out numbers seemed to filter my speech or headspace? potentially, since I noticed while speaking how unconscious thoughts went through my mind and influenced chanting. Even when people walked through the house or I heard a tiny noise downstairs I noticed it, even my neighbors could hear me, because of the day after one of their child started copying me saying einszweidreivierfünfsechsiebenachtneunzehn 12345678910, and backtracking that to 0. Using the American sound system. Or what I learned how I think Americans use sound. This was a bit embracing but the child seemed quite happy or teenager and laughed quite jovial. 

Expansion and contraction

I tend to dislike this part since I could not do it, but I am now able to turn pain more into flow and spread that flow through the body and able to distinguish between feel in and feel flow. Which can then again be some feel quality with anger, frustration, equanimity, or something pesky. But, I felt especially since my breath work is shit, how this void of unfulfillment expanded and contracted, but I had to work myself towards that point first to perceive it even as a void, or ball of emptiness or pain since it felt first like a gaping wound. But expansion and contraction allowed me somehow feel around and within this void similar to Leo's new video the contours of that feeling can move up and down and mingle at the core and sometimes manifest as a contraction and an expansion often feels for me like a small perforation at the iron ball of pain to be creative and dismantle this ball, evoking spikes and thunder of different flavors which turn into flow. This can be great for anyone a bit more serious about their practice. 

Auto Walk

 

This is where it gets interesting for me since Shinzen tried to point out to me in case I am pondering about the advice correctly to use feel out, so I often imagine why for instance and this is my own way of seeing stuff, people attract certain human beings it is like they have an aura or something similar. I attended a Soto Zen Retreat this year and was there for 14 days, I did not wear a Kimono since I was not sure how to manage washing etc. But, after the meditation session or Sesshin we did Kinhin - Auto Walk - for 14 days so to speak and more often. Which, in retrospect, I regarded as building an armor you are constantly assessing where the person in front of you stands and you walk around the zen garden ( we did meditate once there ), I thought how people in medieval times perceived this pratice as if they build some sort of armor with the clothes. So, I did auto walk and imagined dragon ball z trying... to push my energy outside and build some sort of aura, since I have the habit of attracting weird people. As I walked and tried feel out and becoming one with my cloth and even my sweat or smell, since I am tall I automatically attract attention, and since 40000 Americans live nearby (military) often you see Americans. It's quite odd how a European mindset and American mindset in terms of materialism clash and how they deal with "black people" especially, last time the big big's came out and I felt like a serotonin rush, because some random girl and my gut... or intuition is quite right often with this was starting to talk about big, the same when you sit in a bar and a lot of stereotype black people come in and in my mind, and yeah I had a serotonin rush because someone was triggering my American identity. In Germany, they would say you are large or tall aka Groß and people build an identity around that, which my family always did, but I regarded this as stupid since most likely I have scar since birth which makes me mad about meditation. Imagine you apply oil near your hip and it feels like your nervous system receives an orgasm. This is just not very productive. Or it hurts and I have to take a break because blood does not flow through this part of my body, which makes breathing difficult. Now, I saw a young German guy with a couple an American couple. I was just walking past them and was a bit mad for not feeling I have a voice since people are so constricted towards time and European uppishness is quite real. Anyway, I just said something back about white since I rarely ever talk about race since simply there are not many black people so you talk about culture and national identity and not skin color. The German guy just had to laugh and it reminded me how most open-hearted socialist leaning or German people are but can be very big on color blindness. The American couple was just thunderstruck because the German guy laughed and most likely they went like you can't do that bla bla bla etc.

Yet, I feel they deny subconscious processing very hard.

First year of attending retreats online and offline + 1P-LSD trips insights/observations - still integrating

This is only expedient for cross-referencing practice and observation in daily life about one's techniques and practices. Now, I feel like I now know what catching the ox it is reaching stage turquoise and becoming one with all sentient beings. Which occurred to me during my Psychedelic inquiry about nature and intelligence since I wanted to have an experience of self-design? This is what I had in mind but this occurred. A sense of unity between humanity and nature. https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Unity_and_interconnectedness and instead I wanted https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Existential_self-realization. Which is the brain and intelligence stuff? I am treating this with too much casualty. This trip was nice, but if ones surrounding does not allow it I would refrain from taking action this, is just for people interested who maybe never even looked it up. 

I attended 4 1/2 retreats this year, 3 micro retreats which are around 60 hours or less and 14 days at a Soto Zen temple.  http://www.meditation-zen.org/en

Now, what I am trying to make sense now are sounds and animals and the world makes when one has taken psychedelics. I can't find the original example where Sadghuru asked the people to rub their hands and suddenly a wind starts streaming in. But, this is what I mean, especially when meditating to nature sounds or somewhere where there is actually nature.

 

I like to equate this with the Bardo Releam ? Samsara it is called apparently Ken Wilber talks about everything, but I saw this while I lived in China Jin'Ang Temple in Shanghai or Summer Palace in Beijing, Lama temple, Confucius temple etc. that picture in some temple. summer temple in Beijing here the tapestry/painting I saw. 

 

U can see each releam hell at the bottom gods at the top. Animal and Hungry people.. excuse my petty sophistication. And demigods and humans to the right. One can even see people or cross-reference this with spiral dynamics and sounds especially to see what is going on with one surroundings that is what I am currently assuming after watching so many enlightened people. I also saw one traveling monk in a train station and after the retreat I did some weird things and abused the search algorithm of youtube and personalized and backtracked every magical thought I had, to break the C.O.D.E, I thought how many coincidences can occur simply by filtering the youtube channel only to enlightened people. But what in retrospect they did, they just skilfull deflected the unconsciousness of people in the crowd. I actually believed I saw this guy 

 

Also, from a sensory clarity perspective, my perception of reality becomes more vivid after meditating. It is like I am in a mild psychedelic upcoming phase at the back of my skull. Also, after this retreat, I meditated lying down for a couple of hours, since I just get tired of thinking about my scar and when other people are not there, I can't distract myself or have the necessary impetus to do something. (Agreeableness 76 percentile with 7th conscientouness is odd) as male. With a high testosterone level. Most likely. 

All of this nondual talks are great, yet I listened to Shinzen Youngs Audiobook again and I have a hintergedanke which tells me the following: that Freud was wrong at one point or carl young I never read it, I watched only a video about Carl Jung, yet know some odd theory how god was created through a book from Leo's booklist. And he ordained in the Shingon school which is a Vajrayana the diamond way or thunderbolt way, which encapsulates if I understand things correctly more techniques and or different techniques, such as chanting, rituals choosing ones deity or rather being chosen, + others, and there are Mahayana and Hinayana which all originated from India primordially and the schools themselves from Theravada. ( I did a lying meditation while listening to the Audiobook after the retreat and listening to tons of videos, for a healthier information consumption). So, the small wheel, the big wheel and the diamond way, back to jung or freud was wrong as a hintergedanke, I remember Ken Wilber saying this in an Audiobook most likely.. and I just looked it up in the book, archetypal communion or Ananda. Would be the actual thing (Path of saints) I am not sure if that is what Leo talked about in the Video today. With the subtle body merging with the surroundings.

Without listing more bad stuff, and old thought patterns. I am not sure if there is a stage turquoise female here, but I assume she is one in case this is interesting since it is interesting for me. (Still, I believe it is Zen all the way.) 

 

 

What I want to work on and integrate next year, 

Sounds especially the ones I heard during psychedelic trips and the ones who are becoming more apparent, I watched so many videos now of enlightened people and tried to decipher their body language like I have an Arhats disease, to gain some knowledge of their behavior because they seem so different like, they can tune in into different frequencies of sound in order to act accordingly to the energy present.  For instance bird and dog sounds I often felt at the zen retreat they show up when there is fear or a hungry spirit something below or at ethnocentric thinking same with female stomach sounds of care.., birds I feel start... making sounds at a level of personal power and will when there is a good spirit present, I often feel at the core/sternum that they make fun of myself, but show me beauty too. Otherwise transportations, trucks, maybe ships? airplanes etc. I will use auto speak since it feels I am transmorphing time. And that this is a sign for a cue to space and time at least that is what it reminds me of chanting also helps to feel into my concrete brain. Here is the list of techniques I tried in three years of practice now staying with one practice and I can understand why Leo looks at his hand. ( I started with 5-minute practice !!!!!!! and moved to 1h by the end of the quarter of the first year of pratice.)

List:

- Basic mindfulness counting breath (5min a day to 20 min a day for a month max)

- Body sweeping (5 min to 15 min a day a month max)

- A different version of counting breath, for instance, inhaling exhaling count instead of every inhale ( same time period) 

- Tonglen which is a prayer I read from a book from the Dalai Lama I found the article while browsing for this post (approx 5 - 7 minutes or 10 a day for 4-8 months after my meditation practice) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonglen (in China + Germany) 

- Do nothing for 2-3 months ( in China + Germany ) 

- See hear feel from Shinzen Young ( one year and a half now, for 1h - 45min approx insight timer) 

- See good, feel good, be good or how the technique is called for two months approx. the same time span 

- Pain processing algorithm for two months to one month 

- Self-inquiry for approx 1 month in China which was hell with a glass in front of me ( approx 1h - 45min after Leo's video about self-inquiry)

( I used the App Headspace and now use Insight Timer, but I try to not rely on some gadget in order to meditate and I can't yet build a structure as perfectly as I want it to) 

And that is about it: Tonglen helped the far the most with jealousy so I dropped it quite quickly because it was so effective it fulfilled its end but, now it's creeping back up, so Tonglen can help very well with jealousy in daily life. Otherwise, self-inquiry was a bit too much I would currently try to outwit myself, and working with the mindfulness system after reading the pdf and taking some notes, and listening to various teachings and things making sense now that I am a bit older. Is working great or quite well for me, I know now more or less what to do in order to move to stage turquoise and then integrate some hang-ups that I have, but I need more knowledge in order to do that. Shadow Work is currently not enough. To deal with that, and shamanic breath work is something I did not try, yet because of the potential repercussions. Anyway. This is enough for one post and sorry again for being mad I was and I still think sometimes partially that my intuition was right, but I was identified with thoughts, so there is no excuse for that and my action. My intention was a bit different but this was a very weird retreat. Too much old baggage. (Arrogance is currently big and very new to me I did not see that not at all maybe anger) 

I can share a couple of the Audio recordings for people who train within that system. P.M me and I can send you some of this stuff.

Here is also some information about Vision-logic -> spiral dynamics stage yellow. Or integral thinking.

Non-exclusivity - Everyone is right

Enfoldment - Some are more right than others

Enactment - If you want to know this do that

https://integrallife.com/three-principles-integral-thinking/ ( I bought a membership for one dollar to access some content mainly about yoga, I don't know if the video or transcript is available) 

P.S I hope I did not confuse any knowledge and hope this is helpful for everyone present here.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays !!  

 

 

 

Edited December 24, 2018 by ValiantSalvatore