Bibi

Dysfunctional Family.

3 posts in this topic

I am a 22 year old college student right now in a rigorous program that requires a lot of my time and energy. I also work two jobs. My parents are foreigners and just don't seem to understand that I am doing a lot and that education is very important to me. I will be the first in my family to get a bachelors degree and a masters. My older siblings work jobs that don't require a degree so they also don't understand why I'm choosing a more difficult path in life. 

In between all this I don't have a lot of time to be with my family and even when I am, all we do is argue or I just isolate myself from them. Something I am lacking even though I am striving for a better life is just love. Again because my parents came from a difficult background, they don't show love the way I need it. They both are anxiety ridden and completely obsessed with their reputation and how others perceive them. I just don't agree with this at all.  I have a really good relationship with my sister but it is not enough. I just want my parents approval and love. I have a few friends that I love and they love me but again it is not enough. A romantic relationship may fill this void but I don't want to rely on this. What do you guys suggest on dealing with parents that are more on the "cold" side? especially my step-father. It leaves me feeling empty and lonely at times. I feel like if my parents loved me more I wouldn't be seeking it from other people. I get a bit jealous when I hear or see other people with such good relationships with their parents. 

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@Bibi Learn to love, respect, and honor yourself first and foremost and how to be your own best friend. That healthy self-love and respect will teach you boundaries with others. Also, try to tackle any co-dependency issues while you're still young, because if you don't put a tight handle on this now and realize what drives the dynamics behind their/ your dysfunction (co-dependency is when someone's problems become your problems), your desperate seeking for approval and love will keep putting you all in wrong hands and places. You're an adult now, so don't be afraid to assert yourself and say no to others, including your parents. They don't own you. Hugs  

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@Bibi I totally agree with @Natasha and @Socrates I would just like to add that love isn't a business where you put some into to get some out :)

Most people do.. of course so it becomes "normal" . But what if you love and acknoledge them just the way they are and don't expect anything? It's surely sound scareful and maybe not fulfilling to you, but what the risk? If you don't expect anything by loving, you can't be disappointed or hurt.. Or did ever a rose or a sunset, disappoint you? You either won't do anything for getting love anymore and this frees one :). Try to focus on the best in everyone (don't forget yourself by the way) :) and you will not feel lonely anymore because it's the fact that we aren't able to love that make us feel a lack. Not the opposit as they try to teach us while we are small and dependent..

Hope it makes sense to you..

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