Should I Go On With My Career Or Stop? Need Help.

[ana maria]

hello! thanks for reading and sorry for my bad English!

My name is Ana I am 27 and I doubt a lot whether to continue my path or not, let me explain why.

I came to Paris when I was 19 to study philosophy because I came from a remote  religious place in east Europe, I really loved my studies and graduated from  Sorbonne in 2011, then I decided to do something with my life and prepared for a business school, after months of  preparation for entry contest I gave up because it wasn't something I wanted to do . I did some introspection and realised that  when I was a kid I loved to design clothes but I thought this was not a smart job so not for me...haha, yes I was stupid but now it's even worse....

I passed an exam and got to a private fashion school, sometimes I belive this is the biggest mistake of my life because I got a huge study loan to pay the course. I love to study and school was always my best friend so I graduated as a major of my promotion, even without the slightest talent on drawing...the proof that passion is all you need. School offered me a free postgraduate year to explore my style and learn more technicals skills , wich of course I couldn't refuse; but that year wasn't a succes, I was tired and had no money,  I was working in the same time evenings and weekends in a restaurant, school work was enormours and fournitures used  were really expensive. I finished school with good marks and critics from a professional jury but I know my work  wasn't  very good. I was ashamed because i felt I dissapointed the people that believed in me and gaved me the opportunity to study for free  one year....I did many internships for big fashion houses where I learned a lot  but hiring was not a possibility. I worked in freelance for small brands ever since  and I cannot get a real job in this field, my study loan is a heavy burden I feel I've lost my freedom. I did not knew there are so few jobs in fashion design when I decided to go to that school... I even tried to do my own brand with a friend that invested some money, For months I worked like crazy (once I have counted  105 hours a week) to do the freelance  and my own project. I did a nice collection but I had no time or energy to do the marketing as well and my friend didn't help at all , so we didn't sell anything, in the end I've lost money and energy for nothing.... 

I have many passions I wish I could start over and do something else like study nutrition and help other people, but I can't do it because I have to work to pay that study loan and freelance is not well paid, I can only survive, besides I have to work extra hours to survive and i had enaugh I did that for two years now.  Depression and suicidal thoughts are present daily  ... what should I do? I can get a job in a restaurant or something like that to feel more secure but that means to give up on my passion for design...I can't do it. l could ask my teachers to help me find a job (they do that often for students) but I can't go school because I'm ashamed of my last year failure .... i really did my best in school , in my freelance jobs and in my brand project , i never get a chance to get out and live...work is the only thing I know and without any results. 

maybe someone can see things more clear then I do, where is my fault? why I can't find a job? I am not the best but I can do things, I'm a hard worker and I always do more than requested. is life unfair or am I very stupid ?i try to stay positive and say to myself that's ok you continue the freelance, get more experience, but when you have not even the money to buy good food for yorself it's not that easy...the loan is for 5 more years...can I wait to start life again in 5 years?! 

 

 

[ana maria]

thank you,  

indeed fashion industry is dysfunctional.  I am a stylist  but in freelance I work mainly in tailoring , as it is my passion I love everything about it, the design part but also the technical, the construction and the making, plus embroydery and decoration...I'll try to keep up and find a way to make a living out of it,  some friend suggested that I should give sewing lessons  to begginers, I'm not an expert but I'll try that too.

 

[reez]

@ana maria Any chance you can read The 4 Hour Workweek by Tim Ferris?

[Kevin Dunlop]

Hi Ana Maria, I have my own clothing buisness now so I understand some of what you are talking about. I see your problems this way. You are too critical and hard on yourself and use the capitalist buisness system to frame some of your interpretations which is not the only choice. First I want you to relax take a deep breath and get ready for the good news. You have a temporary confusion that is really easy to overcome just by looking at what you have done from another perspective.

You have done an amazing thing here going to school and finishing it - congratulations really that is awsome. Please never think of your final year as a failure again. It was a hard thing to do and you succeeded. I know we can feel down when our stuff doesnt sell, or when we know we didnt do what we know we could have but these things are just a matter of the energy we had at the time. We cant ever expect to take full advantage of every opportunity and perform at 100 % all of the time. You work really hard, too hard maybe because you expect alot of yourself and the capitalist world of schools and buisness put alot of disfunctional expectations in our heads. The good thing is that you have learned a ton of stuff from your intense experiences, youll never forget all of this and will always have the opportunity to use your knowledge in new projects.  I want you to take my word for it you should be proud of your work and learning and really believe it, not for the product but the learning you did. Now as a proud designer go back to the school and ask those teachers for that job you want and get on your way. As well you can work in a restauraunt, or as a seasonal fruit picker, or in a healthfood store, this doesnt mean that you are giving up on your passion for design, you can make cash, eat well and do the designs when you get home or when you get inspired. 

  Take it easy drop the importance you put on pressureing yourself theres no rush. I work slowly, draw my designs and make patterns, buy a few kilos of cloth, cut them out and sew them up. I take them to stores to sell and put on consignment and sell on the weekend in the market. Its a relaxing life slow and minimalist but I really enjoy combining the colours, using nice cloth and finding out what to make and how to sell little by little. Keep your bills low and stress low is my advice. I believe in you, you have alot of great options and theres no reason that you cant do a bit of each thing , or do whats practical first then the artistic as you get time to. You have alot of years ahead of you to figure out how your buisness can work smoothly. Ask me anything else you want to. Good luck!

 

[ana maria]

Hey, thank you! Oau that's a positive reply!  

It's not that easy to be proud of myself, there has passed more than 8 years since I came to Paris to do something with my life, and I have not realised a thing, my situation now shows total incapacity , and I hate that because I allways did my best.

I have the feeling that I only did stupid choices like studying philosophy , and design, maybe I should have gone to the business school instead, I was never rich to aford studies that only bring plesure and no money !I look around and see that everybody advances, get better jobs and start a familly, I can't even afford to be in a relationship, who would ever want to be with me, I have constant money problems since I'm never sure when I get payed in freelance....I have nothing to offer...

I definitely need a change, a mindset change,  I just started to do sport again, I used to be quite good in gymnastics as a kid, maybe I'll regain confidence  if I take some time for myself,I had enaugh of being  depressed!  Imagine how stupid I am! at my last job interview I said that there is nothing that I am good at, they still gave me work because they liked my portofolio but that should never happen again. I should do things, insted of complaining and here I am  doing exactly what I know I should not do! 

 

 

 

 

[Kevin Dunlop]

Do you have a place that we could see your work, especially those from your own collection? My brand is called CeltaPatch on Facebook, there you can see what I made and have sold so far.

 

[ana maria]

@piotr thank you for Eckhart Tolle video, I came across his videos many times but I just couldn't listen, I guess I was not ready for the kind of content he's teaching, now I have discovered a source of great information.

@Kevin Dunlop the brand I work on is called OMENs Paris .

good news: I've decided to give it a new try so I start working on a new collection, this time I hope I will share the work with my friend/associate. 

[Will]

@ana maria

take all the negatives in your life and write them down..

all your regrets everything..!!

Things that anoy you. wasted time. feelings of betrayal. all the times you felt like you had nothing left..

all of them ..

all of them..

all of them..

are opportunities to learn grow and develop..

find out where you are lying to yourself.. If you have true passion, to hell with what others say..

Start your own. commit your very life to your passion..

I have feeling your bullshitting yourself..

dont feel bad... we all do..

What do you have left?? there always only two choices to hovell in a corner and cry, or to fight nail and tooth until your done!! (bit of both at times) 

 

 

[Kevin Dunlop]

I looked over the designs, very slick, what I had imagined would be sellable in Paris. Do you design these clothes? I was wondering if you do drawings too?  The clothes I sell are quite different more hippy I think, so I dont know much about your style. Here is something weird that I started to do when designing, when I am making something to sell I imagine myself as being in contact via ESP with the person who wants to buy it, I dont make just what I want to make, I make what they want me to make for them, with the colour combinations, for example, I try to choose what they want. This helps me make clothes that have a more profesional look instead of overly creative or wacky, because thats what people would want to wear. Also the clothes I sell have a type of almost costume like catagory one could put them in, this helps people be able to choose if this is something they want instead of being confused about it.