Book Recommendations For Neediness, Insecurity

[Algi]

Basically cut straight to the chase: I have insecurity instilled in me from childhood and I fully admit that. The person who I love, it makes them miserable and I hate seein her that way as well hate feeling insecure. 

I have strong fear of being abandoned because I was abandoned as a child by my mum and my dad. I don't wanto soppy pity messages;in fact I am looking for some solid material of exact how to style approach to reduce neediness, jelousy and fear of abandomment. 

I am considering therapy but I am looking for a strong material that chases the problem to the core. Thank you people

[Henri]

THE way is doing selfless service to others without YOU expecting anything in return.

You`ll develop your heart chakra within months if you do it on a daily base and you`ll notice the changing attitude from people towards you. The key then is to continue this process and to not make it part of your ego!! This is essential. The heart makes the mind to shut up and is much more powerful including the minds of other people.

Next to this you can cultivate devotion towards a deity, guru or whatever. Listen to devotional music. Develop your heart, follow bhakti yoga and intellectually learn the chakra psychology. 

The idea behind is that you are undeveloped in the heart chakra compared to other chakras. The key is to develop this heart of yours and you will become the most beautiful person in your family because they all quit developing it after their 14 birthday. Especially in the west. 

@Algi

[Algi]

That' s all good and well in long term. I understand y@Henri your point. So you saying I should research "heart chakra" I do youth projects which I do not get paid but I need something daily like affirmations etc alongside what I am doing

[AlexB]

Also read the 6 pillars of self esteem by Nathaniel branden, it's a book that Leo suggested in a video some time ago

[AlexB]

It has weekly exercises 

[Algi]

@AlexB hey, great book. I read 3times. It did help a lot, but I guess I need something like to relive trauma, I will work with stem sentences too but I want to see if there is a different way.

[clytaemnestra]

I stopped being needy when I've found some jobs that make me fulfilling my potentials. My work was recognized and I got the affection I needed in my life, so at that point I've realized that I don't need an affection by male population, it is enough only to work something you like and to be authentic and yourself and other things will come. That wasn't paid job, it was voluntarily, but it was enough for me since I've decided to deduce myself to achieve the goal of our organisation and I've worked hard for it.

Before that, I was also needy since I've lost my father when I was 16 and my mother was an alcoholic so my exes were kinda fulfilling the hole I had in my life. Now, I don't have that hole anymore, as time passes, I am totally okay with being single. Moreover, I don't have a time and space for it at the moment, I should sacrifice some of my hobbies or education and I don't want to because it makes me happy.

 

[smd]

Have you read the book called The Disease To Please by Braiker?   Also, Confidence training might help.  I've currently purchased one of Dr. Aziz's confidence programs.  Plus Leo just had a self-acceptance video that should help with this.  In the heat of the moment when you feel needy, you have to face it, locate it in your body & just feel it fully, don't act on it.  Did you read The Way of the Superior Man yet or The Power of Now?   Many of these books are all interrelated to this type of issue.

[Algi]

@smd Thanks, I will definitely check them books, I am currently half way through the power of now. How is the confidence program working for you so far?

[smd]

7 hours ago, Algi said:

@smd Thanks, I will definitely check them books, I am currently half way through the power of now. How is the confidence program working for you so far?

It's going great.  It's broken up into modules, so I'm doing about one module per week.  Just like working on your self-esteem, you can't rush the process as you're having to work on your subconscious.  One difficult element about confidence training is that Aziz states that you're going to have to go out and take action to build it up, by failing through to success or scoring some lucky wins.  Obviously, if you scored a lot of success early in life, it would build up your confidence fast.  I haven't got to that part in the course yet.

[reez]

@Algi Hey man!

I'd tell you to read "No More Mr Nice Guy - Robert Glover"

And remember that this is a process, you can't expect your Neediness/Insecurity to go away after a few days, but rather months or even years.