How do I maintain my creative force? The essence of art

[Avidya]

Hi

I'll cut to the case. 
Story

I've played guitar when i was 6 till 9. Then i picked it up when i was 12 playing until i was 14. Then i had a break, for 6 months. Randomly, one day, I came across an instrumental piece (Tommy Emmanuel, Classical gas), which I loved and played very much. I couldn't play the piece exactly, since it'd been a long time, but i could just strike the chords, and hit some strings in tune to the video. I cried. Litterally tears out. It felt.., like if you miss a person, a person you have had your arguments with, but youre able to put it aside, reunite and just love eachother.

I've got feelings of doubt, when i consider commiting to music. I'd contemplate a lot. Because I've done personal development for a while, and know that i want to connect with life on a deeper level. I wanted to commit to being more concious, liberating myself from dumb ego attachements (this is my top value [life purpose course red.]). I also wanted to raise other people's awareness, give them beautiful insight in themselves, and i did not regard music as a effective method. But i was thinking to practical. Also because i wanted to devote my time to study psychology and enlightement, but now i see music is my source to awareness. 

When i write music though, when i improvise, there will be moments where i just hit a spot. A spot, which resonate throughout my whole body. Often I can sing melodies, over a chord(without actual words) and cry because it touches me so deeply. I remember after playing guitar with some beautiful tunes, i looked out the window, up to the sky, and was so grateful. I thought that it was so fucking beautiful.
The same feelings i've experienced during meditation, but less frequently. 

This feeling, brings me closer to presence and truth, and directly heals me inside. I only feel the creative force, in the moment i create it, and struggle finishing my work. The thing i have been struggling with since i created a song which made people cry (i was 15), my young mind searching for recognition, was analyzing thinking too much if people would like the music he wrote. Therefore i lost touch with the essence of my art. Now i try to allign, meditate while creating music. 
But how do I use my creative force and intuition when making art, to finetune it. I mean is it possible to expand the feeling of presence, and use it to allign the art with the presence. When im finetuning I am thinking, because i want it to be good. When i am improvising i am present, and directly connected. How do i mix these to, especially if i turn it into a career, how do I keep the same kind of presence/spirituality in my music when communicating and getting back to it?
Example: The videos Leo makes are maybe 10% of the actual work he does, but may be that which put him in his zone of creative force. Is it merely discipline and vision that motivates the finishing 90%?  

***Additionally. Something i cant figure out. When i have performed on stage in the past, and i have performed some really authentic, deep vulnerable music, i dont feel the sense of accomplishment or relief, i rather feel resentment. I cant appreciate compliments, i just sort of brush it off, being to harsh on myself. Making me go inside, home and write on more better songs, because i dont feel as if they are good enough. But that shouldnt be that much of a deal, since i presented what was authentic. Maybe, i realize writing this, i should accept my authentic self. What do you think it is? "I feel raped" - Mike Oldfield after his   widely succesful debut concert, performing Tubular Bells. You would think he'd be happy, right?

[Nahm]

@Avidya

When you are walking, are you wanting it to be “good”, thinking to ‘fine tune it’ or allowing it to happen effortlessly?  So effortlessly you don’t even actually need to allow it?  Same with creating.  

Thought says otherwise, but thought is finite. Creativity is infinite. Without thought, you don’t need to keep the creativity / spirituality in your music, it’s already there. 

The creativity is now - past & future are thoughts - so if you are not putting the experience of doing it first, if you sidetable it and place a goal (a future better song) above it, then you’ve disconnected from the now / creativity springwell. 

Accept the infinitude you are. Accept that you will never arrive, or be finished, or “done” - because your deeper nature is infinity.

The only point, is your experience, now. 

“Not good enough”, “better than” - these are thoughts.

That’s it. 

 

And now the work with respect to thinking and it’s roots begins. 

[Avidya]

On 17/9/2018 at 11:43 PM, Nahm said:

@Avidya

When you are walking, are you wanting it to be “good”, thinking to ‘fine tune it’ or allowing it to happen effortlessly?  So effortlessly you don’t even actually need to allow it?  Same with creating.  

Thought says otherwise, but thought is finite. Creativity is infinite. Without thought, you don’t need to keep the creativity / spirituality in your music, it’s already there. 

The creativity is now - past & future are thoughts - so if you are not putting the experience of doing it first, if you sidetable it and place a goal (a future better song) above it, then you’ve disconnected from the now / creativity springwell. 

Accept the infinitude you are. Accept that you will never arrive, or be finished, or “done” - because your deeper nature is infinity.

The only point, is your experience, now. 

“Not good enough”, “better than” - these are thoughts.

That’s it. 

 

And now the work with respect to thinking and it’s roots begins. 

I see what you mean. And I know in the moments when I write the best songs, I am present, they "outflow", it's not "me" who creates it.
But isn't mastery still needed in order to provide the vehicle for infinite intelligence. By vehicle I mean the skillset to communicate the infinite. Like you have to sing, or play the guitar properly and so forth. This do require discipline, conscious effort. What is it that makes it hard to discipline oneself? Is it, as you indicate, thoughts or ego trying to distract one to go deep, to search for truth, like why it's hard to meditate?
 

[Nahm]

@Avidya

Consider the difference between “it’s not me who creates it”, so I need discipline and conscious effort to achieve a flow, I need to learn a proper skill set because it’s hard...vs...I am the all that is, a creator, doing what I do, creating. Developing & honing skills is the funnest thing. All there is, is creation. All there is, is truth. All there is, is fun. Writing “don’t forget laundry detergent” on a post it note, and writing your next ‘best’ song have the same meaninglessness. The point, is your experience of it. It all turns to dust down the road, but you are eternal, that is the actuality of freedom you play in - that there is no down the road, there is only now. 

 

[Avidya]

On 25/9/2018 at 1:37 PM, Nahm said:

@Avidya

Consider the difference between “it’s not me who creates it”, so I need discipline and conscious effort to achieve a flow, I need to learn a proper skill set because it’s hard...vs...I am the all that is, a creator, doing what I do, creating. Developing & honing skills is the funnest thing. All there is, is creation. All there is, is truth. All there is, is fun. Writing “don’t forget laundry detergent” on a post it note, and writing your next ‘best’ song have the same meaninglessness. The point, is your experience of it. It all turns to dust down the road, but you are eternal, that is the actuality of freedom you play in - that there is no down the road, there is only now. 

 

Thank you very much. I get it, the ego, inflates itself, clinging to the process of the creation, needing control and longing for future events.
One thing I'm left to wonder, is the difference between meaning and purpose. If all there is left, is meaningless, and creation, what is the meaning(;)) of life purpose. If all is creation, how can it be that some mediums (zone of genius) excites us or/and can be our source to presence/insight into infinity. Do life purpose still remain when enlightenment occurs, or could a enlightened person potentially get equally involved in any creative work?

 

[Nahm]

@Avidya I think you already got it there. Prior to there is really a question and seeking of purpose, after, you realize you are free to create your own purpose. Vantage point, experience, and sychnoronicty all come into play, either way.