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Nadosa

Existential mindfuck. Deconstructed persona.

2 posts in this topic

I do not know if I experienced ego death. But taking things personal does not make sense to me anymore, still I take them seriously.

Today I went to my doc and was confronted with a huge pile of triggers. The first triggering was seeing my reflection walking from the glass - while inside my mind, the ego, identity I was able to be taken away to another dimension by thoughts and rising and lowering of consciousness, feeling like I experienced a thousand deaths and rebirths (seriously feels like that, I cant make sense out of that I am still being here) - I still dont get how the body is there, like nothing happens, I feel like since my Ego and feelings come from the body, the body is Ego too. Then my doc asked me how I felt the last months - I was triggered instantly and felt like I seriously dont know "who" and "what" is sitting right in front of my doc talking to her. I seriously slowly start to lose hope if I will ever be able to have a healthy persona. My persona is very badly influenced by all that.

It is a serious stepback after my first success with meditation.

Edited by Nadosa

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