Alone and very confused

[Opresja]

Something shifted in my life over past few years. I used to gather people around me easily, inviting them into my projects so we can create and have fun together- write stories, be creative etc. It was enjoyable for me to be a leader and participate in group activities. Slowly I became more and more disconnected from people who wrere drawn to me. I became more of a loner and struggled with keeping the gropu together without help. I moved away from people I felt connected with before. For a long while I had only one close person in my life- we supported each other and shared a lot of insights, growing together. But eventually this relationship felt apart as well. We grew so different that it felt like we were strangers at some point. And as much as I feel very lonely at times- I honestly find it hard to even visualise kind of relationship I want to be in. I feel good in solitude, thinking, being on my own, creating. I also enjoy interacting with other people a lot- I easily connect with others, even complete strangers. But my deafult state is being alone. Now even more alone than ever because of lack of my close friend.
It's something completely new for me, having no one at all in my life and not being completely crushed by it as I used to be when it happened before in my life, in my childhood. I feel strong on my own but on the other hand- I'm sometimes afraid that I'm heading to some dark state in my life. That I'll have no long term, close friends or partners in the future because I don't feel an urge to create such relationships right now while missing those friendships from earlier. I miss being my old self and I'm a bit sad because I think I can not be my old self again and connect with people this way. It's like missing being a child and deep down knowing that You can't go back to being a child.
I really need some external thoughts on this topic and I'll be really grateful for it.

[Leo-Tzu]

Being alone is the best way to grow . . . Nostalgia is understandable. I dont know what to say (im writing because i feel said that nobody replied on a post of feeling lonely). . . I have some kind of same feelings when it comes down my "old self". I was more easygoing... Going out everynight, dating basic girls, playing footsal lasertag paintball everynight ect. Now i like to stay alone... Meet one or two people a day by choice ate max. Are you following leo's series about spiral dynamics? Most of the world is 99% blue orange green ... I think i'm becoming yellow more and more and i dont enjoy those basic people anymore so i dont hangout more than needed. Maybe in your case is different

[pluto8]

Hmmm. I miss the childhood too, I think mb everything becomes complicated as we grow, but idrk haha.

I feel like a lot of problems have had to stick around with me because they have to do with people who do not know that they are part of the problem. I dont just want to leave them and throw everybody inthe rear view mirror and move on, create a new life because they will have no clue why, but they are part of he reason why...

Idfk lol. I always feel like i need to say that, well quite often lol... ..the idk....

 

I will feel bad to move on because they will be confused and feel bad i guess.

 

I also feel like I have embarressed my self a lot while growing up, but I also feel like if people just took the care to understand rather than laugh or what they do it would not be embarressing anymore. 

This is quite a little section of life. Maybe as we get past the complexities to understand our similarities we can help each other.

Eh..

Have a good day!

[pluto8]

You see though, one of my good friends has kinda moved on, but does he care about me being confused? 

I dont think he has the guts to tell me because its because I was not as outgoing and popular or mainstream. In other words it woupd make him look bad to continue hanging out with me.

Just so you know, I am quite lonely now too.

good day, im done lol

[pluto8]

Id love to just talk on skype or maybe the phone, so i can walk around lol.

But ya... Literally like about anything. Sports, science, life, food, the mind, like anything ya know...?

Same goes for anyone else. Hmu.

Pc