I feel like I need to start everything from zero

[hubert]

Hello!
At the time when I had emotional problems, I felt anxious and depressed, I was looking for help. I found it on the actualized.org channel. I was very motivated to meditate every day, to pay attention to what I think about, create new habits and get rid of bad habits. I did quite well. I meditated for 30 days in a row of 20 minutes a day. When I left one day I did not get discouraged, I returned to the habit without a problem, because I knew why I was doing it. I could easily meditate for another 20-30 days.
However, it was the moment I was in college and I had plenty of time. Now I work full time, and after work I have no desire for anything. All I do is surf the internet, eat, go to work, sleep, and over and over again. I try to go back to the state in which I meditated every day, but I manage for a maximum of four days in a row, after which I resign and I stop meditating for another month. I try to start again, to give up again after a short time. I have a feeling that I forgot all about what I've learned.
Any advice?

Edited July 9, 2018 by hubert

[CreamCat]

The counterintuitive move is to ramp up your personal development and make a short-term and medium-term plans for personal growth.

You can no longer do it casually. You have to make time and make plan in advance.

You should take notes of videos and review them. I took notes of videos and review them on a regular basis.

I recommend reviewing balance. You lost balance. You need intricate dynamic balance to stay on path.

Edited July 10, 2018 by CreamCat

[kasa]

I totally feel you on this Hubert, I go through these waves of motivation then dead, then weaker motivation then dead and so on. Me writing this right now is me while I started to look for a way back into that peak motivation here on the forum after being away from PD for a month. 

What I am realising now as I think back and look through my recent reflections is that this is a repetitive behaviour that I seem to have developed since forever. I notice that throughout my life so far, I keep looking back and saying "god damn it, why is it that I always start something so well then so easily dip to crap and never finish it", I also realise that this is something that has happened always with my parents, and I feel that at least in some part I learnt this from them, and just never addressed it fully.

I think that the biggest lesson I learnt watching all of Leo's videos is that annoying concept of ACTION, as well as always DOING THE MOST EMOTIONALLY DIFFICULT THING at any given time. I feel I lose track though and am blown away easily with the wind, therefore not taking enough of that god damn action.

On 10/07/2018 at 1:50 AM, CreamCat said:

I recommend reviewing balance. You lost balance. You need intricate dynamic balance to stay on path

I feel that now I have to bring more mindfulness to the fact that I get blown away with the wind of life, and plan as Cream Cat said, also find balance. What I personally want to try, is to get back into the habit of meditating, reading and listening to Leo's lessons and reviewing notes, getting back into any sort of swing while being mindful at the fact that things may sweep me away, so strategising in order to lessen the chances of that happening. Maybe also take 30 minutes to really think about what really kept me on track including emotions and infrastructure and review what can be developed and what can be dropped.

I'd love to hear how it goes, it sounds like we are so alike in this respect haha.