Plethora of ups and downs.

[spicy_pickles]

A little extra to my relationship post below. 

So, through therapy sessions as well as reaching out for online support groups, everything pointed to my ex partner having a personality disorder or being narcissist. Has he been officially diagnosed?  No. This is just based on sharing my experiences with a therapist and a support group. 

Maybe I mentioned some bits and pieces of what happened in other posts here. This was a man who wouldn’t speak to me for a day if I said I was too tired/not feeling well and didn’t feel like sex. This was a man that would get angry at me for something very minor because he hates when people make him wait around. This was a man who would call me up for support over an issue, but would let his anger take over and would end up raising his voice at me. This is a man that would hardly show me an ounce of appreciation, spend money on everyone else and call me a gold digger if I mentioned it (“why is everything monetary with you!”)

So, he told me to leave last week, and reiterated the next day I stay away. After I did just that, the onslaught of calls, texts, etc wondering where I was. Showing deep concern and care. I went no contact. I could not deal with it. I said - I will talk to you when I’m ready. This boundary was not respected. So, I had to turn off my phone. 

I’m going through a whirlwind of emotions. Now I feel bad, in a sense, because I figure I at least owe it to him to send an email or something saying this is over, all the best, etc. But I don’t know when I am ready to do that. I am not right now. I am still processing everything that has occurred over the course of the relationship as well as FINALLY taking care of myself. Finally saying - I don’t want to do something so I’m not going to do it. I’m putting my needs first. 

Anyways, I don’t know where I’m going with this. But I just wanted to kind of vent my up and down emotions as I start the journey to better myself.