Trip Report -truffles 15g

[Jacobsen]

Hi everyone. its been a few months now since my last trip report which you can read here;

I have decided to "trip" again (the  24.2-2018) with the same stuff and brand and all like the last time (Atlantis Truffles). But this time i upped the ante with a whole 5 grams. i decided to take 15g of Atlantis brand truffles with the intent of inner inquiry. i wont be going into the brand here. You can read about that in the link to my last report.

 

Last time i "tripped" i experienced a euphoria. A serene mindfulness of my experience. I was mind full of senses and emotions. I became investigative beyond my normal state. i was looking beyond into whats now. it was a very accepting experience. it was a experience of discovery but focused a lot on externals. Why is the world like this? i kept asking myself that basically. it was also very focused on the pleasure of having an experience where i wasnt being anyone in particurlar but just seeing life unfold. It was witnessing  life as an experience. I was discovering the nuance between being natural and unnatural. i noticed a lot of unnatural beings that day and i noted it as a form of "acting". That was than.

 

How does this trip compare? much the same in a sense but was way more introspective, deeper and heartfelt. It was much more about how i was feeling. My old pains and confusion was brought up and thoroughly experienced and investigated. Just like the last time i became naturally investigative. i kept asking questions and the higher self (the part that understands my true nature) came flowing to me with an understanding of me and my confusions that made sense. i experienced my child self coming through with a need for comfort, wisdom and care that i than amended.

 

I started the day with doing a few quick chores. cleaning up and stuff like that so i wouldnt need to bother my self with such when im under the influence. i meditated than for an hour in my bedroom. i didn't eat anything before tripping. at around 11:40 i ingested the truffles. i didnt eat the whole pack at once and started with smaller portions. i was unsure if i wanted to ingest it all since i had only done 10g last. but i did end up eating all of them as i chewed through the package. Let me be straight with you it tastes like moldy socks. it wasnt "Awful" but not the slightest appetizing. it was like an eraser with a bitter, earth like taste.

 

After ingesting the truffles i sat with my back upright against the wall behind me, first just sitting there than meditating a bit than listening a bit to music. I was feeling a little bit nervous of possibly having a "bad trip" but i thought to myself that the experience would be exactly what i need. i didn't need to worry just trust that things would work out.

 

after about half an hour or so the affects slowly started to take place. i noticed my "inner vision" started to become viral. i began seeing "imagery" sprawl across my "inner eye". images of cartoons, drawings and symbols were sprawling about in a somewhat "circular" fashion. It was very much of out control, which is a good way to put it. The imagery had no start or end it just kept going. unfolding and folding. What i can remember seeing is a lot of glowing and luminescent color, especially turquoise, blue and green. the only image i can remember at the time of writing this is a "drawing" (because it was clearly a cartoon) of a tigers head. Like a signpost but psychedelic in style and neon. As the effects became stronger an electric buzzing became present around my head. I felt it the most in my ears. it was like and electric current was surging through me at a random pace but always fast. i could feel and hear this buzzing. sometime the current would buzz out all other sounds.

 

i became very mindfull of my body. whenever i felt a tension or an unease in my body i could feel it very strongly. the sensation itself wasnt "strong" but i could feel it very well. For example if my arm was sticking to high up and the blood was flowing down out of it. i could feel the sensation of tingling and general unease very clearly. When i started to get hot i could feel it not as normal warmth but as an vibrating energy that was spinning in place around my body. it took a moment for me to understand that i was too hot. it was sometimes hard to make out what my body was feeling. but it wasnt possible to ignore my body in that state. it made me "adjust" myself with my body a lot more than before.

 

But before i reached the peak i felt an unease. i kept noting to myself "theres something missing... Something not right". i couldnt quite make a clear distinction of what i needed. Eventually i decided to go eat. i wasnt feeling all well and i was really hungry. as i rose up from my bed my body felt so light as a feather. it suprised me because i expected id had to put in a lot more effort into getting up. it was almost like the force i used to get up almost made me jump as i got on my feet. like id be pulled up into the air by the sheer velocity of the force applied in that movement. as i moved across towards the kitchen it didnt feel familiar to walk around. it was like my body was a bit like a marionette. i could only focus on a certain movement at the time. it felt like my movement was very "particular" and i felt weird about it. i ensued to eat an apple, a pear, two rice crispies and a toast. i just sat down an started eating. i could feel the food move down into my stomach very well. especially the toast and the rice crispies i could feel it sucking up a lot of water while moving down my innards. that made me thirsty. it made me think about how healthy those foods are too. after laying back down i could really well feel the toast ive eaten inside my stomach.

 

Occasionally i would open my eyes " (as i could only see the images when my eyes where close) to see if there was a visual affect. i read that 15g would induce some visuals. last time there where no real psycedelic "visuals" (i did see what mattered though hahah). Deeper into the "trip" i could see a flowing, but fixed pattern of shapes gliding across the surface of my vision. the symbols where translucent but glowing in neon color. the symbols where like boxes mad out of a coiled line.

 

However i wasn't really interested in these visuals. Because i started to "inquire". i was beginning slowly to ask a lot of questions seaming less amidst all of these affects. i would shoot question and my higher self came to me and started talking. a voice was talking to me about my confusions and my pains i was feeling and carrying. i noticed the voice was kind of British and scottish or cockney or something. a very distinct voice. i inquired into this and i discovered some very interesting things about me, and my interests. im naturally an expressive person. i feel attracted to things that are very direct and clear in expression. it makes sense. it explains why i love cartoonist drawings or why the voice was so distinct or my affection for very loud and aggressive rock. Or why i naturally feel very drawn to tigers. It was saying that im naturally expressive because i have a message i want to share with the world. The pain of my past where i didnt feel like i could express myself properly was stored as this strong negative emotion. When id think of my dad this emotion came sliding up unto my face. my face would contort in frustration and sadness. it felt so thight. my chest got really thight and i would cry. it became hard to breath as i was just lying there feeling this emotion. this emotion was vibrating a lot. it felt like my head was going red. it would pass than come back than pass again. it would come  everytime id think about my dad in that state there and than my dad became symbolic for an inner frustration i had. i was sad because i didnt believe in my own communication. later on in the trip that emotion would more and more settle. id stop experiencing it after a while.

 

i grabbed my phone and just posted on facebook a rock music video (disposible teens by Marilyn manson), on of my favorite songs with the accompanied text "what if you could just say anything". i also made an earlier post just as silly. later on i deleted these post as i felt i didnt have to "settle" with my past actions which i didnt feel suit me. it felt right to delete both these posts as i felt that they where quite silly to be frank. that was very "therapeutic" and it showed a willingness to care for myself instead of bashing and hurting myself for things i dont have control over. to stop limiting my expression over misunderstanding myself.

 

 

After i while i could feel i had to pee. i was thinking i wasnt in a good state to be doing things but i felt i just had to take action for myself. to my avail i found that the bathroom was being used by someone else so i just grabbed a bottle and peed inside of that (im an expert on bottle peeing after an incident where my toilet stopped working for a week). i wanted to get back into the "conversation" i had with myself. it was like a therapy session (despite how cheesy that sounds to me). this felt like something i just had to get over with to focus on the important stuff. moving aroung was strange but i could manage fine.

 

 

i made a lot of amazing discoveries about myself that day. things that make sense to how i feel.

i discovered this natural need for learning. to have a "guide" of some sort "teaching" me how to do stuff. basic things like learning how to focus, how to talk and treat others and how to understand. not that i feel im clueless but more as a child wanting to be equipped so i can go exploring this world.

i discovered its easy to take for granted what i know and that i truly dont know much or anything. im always learning naturally.

i discovered a way to better understand people. in a sense we are all children because were all the going through the experience of life. there is fundamentally no clear definition of an adult and not adult because all the experience is now. a child is coming home into lifes dream. this helped me frame people as fundamentally always equal to everybody else because that is being in balance. don't hurt but take no shit. everybody can understand that.

i discovered something about how i experience the opposite sex. that im not truly not into wanting to womanize every girl i find beautiful. to always go in circles, going through the same interactions and never truly committing to who i am. i discovered im not someone who just takes.

I discovered i might need a new identity. i felt my name "sebastian" didnt quite make sense to me. it didnt feel "descriptive" of who i felt i am. so my higher self would constantly come to me and ask "so lets find you a new name". the higher self kept coming back to that. as of now i dont quite know what that would be but i guess its something that will find me first.

i discovered a voice inside of me that spoke my truth. in the past i wouldnt use this voice instead focusing on using words i thought would make the most sense in any given situation. but i discovered that my voice makes the most sense. naturally so. this voice felt right. and it showed i dont have to be in the right. i dont have to be correcting myself and others according to an idea, an ideaology. instead i could just share my experience and what works for me. I can better know.

i discovered how singular my focus actually is. tripping id be completely engrossed into the one thing id be doing thus getting distracted would feel like actually be comepletely dragged away from what i wanted to do. Before i wouldnt really notice how distracting being distracted actually is. Post trip is to learn to focus on my intention and what i want to do and to cut out distraction by clearly noting distractions as a distraction.

i discovered that i have an natural inclination to follow my joys. to bask in sunlight. to draw and create art. just for its own sake because its a joy to me and before i didnt notice that my joys matter to me. i naturally feel this compassion and joy from these things i like. ive started to incorporating that more into my day to day. to for example just spend some time drawing instead of putting it of for something that doesnt have that underlying joy.

 

This trip compared with the last was more of an emotional experienced. i cried a lot. but its what i wanted to find in the first place. i started "tripping" with the intent of finding answers. i came to find myself thus therefore i can recommend this "brand" as a product if your the same. if your willing to learn, listen and feel the pain that's been stuck in the body. its a journey of understanding and ive understood that i for a long time didnt feel confident nor truly believed in my own communication. my expression and my gift to the world. now thats changing and this is just the beginning.

[Nahm]

@Jacobsen great share! thanks!! Next trip: new name! 

[Chives99]

Do pandora truffles and eat the whole bag, they provide quite an emotional trip