My failed attempt at darkness retreating

[Lauritz]

It has already been about two weeks since I have been on a darkness retreat. I initially planned to stay in the darkness for about 13 days. But I quit the retreat after 4 days. As I got a few requests about sharing my experience I still wanted to let you know what this retreat revealed to me. 

Why did I quit?
The thing that made me quit was a build-up of frustration. I could have dealt with the boredom and the long hours of meditation, it was actually quite blissful at times. I became frustrated though because the place was not sound proof at all and it was not quiet. Right next to my room were a couple of dogs in a confined space and they would bark each time someone went by on the street. You could hear every car and truck going by, people speaking outside and so forth. As all other senses get incredibly heightened in the darkness, this was not acceptable for me. I would recommend everyone who wants to do a darkness retreat to research carefully beforehand if the place is also quiet. One recommendation I got for europe is this one: http://pobyt-ve-tme.cz/ it is supposed to be very quiet.

I have found that when in meditation in darkness it is really easy to get into "interesting" territory pretty quickly, but sound would pull me out just as easily. And dog barking is terrible in my opinion. It really got on my nerves and then at one occasion they did not stop for about an hour and that when I called it quits. Couldn't stand the thought of having to deal with this for another 8-9 days.

 

But then I learned from the experience and you can too. Make sure to go to a quiet place and your experience will me much more pleasant. Maybe some nature sounds are ok. Birds just sounds friendlier

 

Meditation:
Powerful stuff in the darkness. I experienced levels of bliss, which I never did in my sessions before. But I have not had that long sessions before in light. No distraction, what else is there to do but to meditate. Creativity was great at first but mental thoughts became less as time went on. I did mainly do nothing meditation, strong determination sitting and regular meditation with focus on the breath. All felt really good, but do nothing did not work as well for such long hours of meditation. 

Interesting:
The senses of tasting and smelling became so incredibly nuanced that I was almost overwhelmed. There were nuances and literally dimensions to it, I never experienced before. At one time the smell of smoke came in the room and I was thinking the house must be burning so strong was it. But apparently it was just smoke from some chimneys in the town. 

In those first four days I had almost no visual of psychedelic effects. Some flashing colors and thinking that I can see the room, but nothing really solid. 

 

After-effects:

Even though I did not sleep much, in fact I slept probably less than usual, I felt incredible energized and motivated when I came out of the darkness. Happiness for everyday experiences is still on a whole other level. Experiencing the visual dimension is one of our greatest sources of joy. We just forget that we are able to see at all.

My biggest insight was that we do not long for happiness or beautiful experiences, but instead for anything at all. The distinctions we make, come only after are already saturated with experiences. If you experience almost nothing for an extended time, it becomes clear how grateful we can be to have such a rich life experience. I learned that whenever I want more and strive to "achieve" some other state, that I have to go back and retreat, so that everyday experiences become magical again.

 

Conclusion:

I will be doing it again for sure. But this time with more careful planning. It is difficult for sure and therefore the place must be really good to make the experience as positive as possible. In buddhism it is recommended as an advanced practice and I am sure it gets tricky once you reach the state where psychedelic compounds are released in the brain. But a week should be manageable for everyone who has a daily meditation habit. And it will increase your desire to further develop your meditation practice and give you increased appreciation, motivation and energy for your daily life. 

 

I posted a short video about my experience the day after I came out of the retreat:

 

[Arman]

valuable and informative share. thank you 

[Shroomdoctor]

@Lauritz Very interesting read. Going on my first retreat this month and hope to deepen my practice as much as I can. 

 

You are German right ? May I ask where you live and what you do for a living ?

Edited February 2, 2018 by Shroomdoctor