7thLetter

My All-purpose journal with deep insights

1 post in this topic

Hey guys,

I always thought of doing something like this on the forums, but to be honest, I have been putting it off due to video games and other things that I have been distracted by. This journal is kind of just here to write about the deep insights that I have, the struggles that I go through, my past, and just about my daily life in general even if no one reads it.
Alright so first off I'll start off with an introduction of who I am and how I got into self-actualization.
So I'm currently someone who has been working in the restaurant industry for a while now since I was 16, I'm 22 now.
Started my first job in the kitchen as a dishwasher, worked my way up the ladder working every single kitchen position then I eventually moved up to the front of the house. I also like to consider myself entrepreneurially minded so I've been testing out different things in order to find what I'm passionate about.
I've tried MLM, affiliate marketing, dropshipping, youtube, flipping cell-phones, and now I'm currently trading/investing into cryptocurrencies because I find it very interesting. Still new to it all so haven't been able to make the money that I was looking to make. I'm often in the gym a lot, but currently taking a week off because I injuried my shoulder doing a shoulder press. I've also read that its a pretty good idea to take a break every once in a while.
Other than all that I'm often at home on the computer, researching many different things like Leo's content. The internet is so fascinating because its like a place
with an infinite amount of knowledge and possibilities.

Now I'll go on about how I got into self-actualization. At first I didn't know what self-actualization was before I found Leo's content.
I always thought of it as self-improvement or psychology. In elementary and highschool, I was always this quiet kid. I would hang out alone most of the time during lunch break, even when I had a group of friends I just never hung out with them during lunch. I absolutely hated lunch break. My lunch breaks were often me trying to find some stupid way to stall time and hide from everybody else. When I tried to hang out with other people it just wouldn't work out well cause I wouldn't say anything. I also was working at my restaurant job during highschool. Had several crushes on the servers and several crushes at highschool as well. Crushes on girls that I never even got to know. I guess I had a crush on them due to my neediness and because of the way they looked. I really wanted to get to know them and talk to them, but I was always so shy and never talkative. And that is when I began to look into self-improvement. Back then I got into whatever I can to be able to help me with my shyness. I bought a couple books, I found this theory online called EFT tapping where you would tap certain areas on your body and make an affirmation. Actually got into some visualization exercises back then that I found online that were similiar to a meditation exercise that I would do these days. And of course I downloaded a ton of audios that would help me with my shyness and changing my negative thinking patterns and I would say that these helped a lot. I had to download weeks of these long audio files and listen to them all the time during lunch break and any free time that I had. It was a very interesting program because it had exercises on replacing thoughts that someone might have and several affirimation techniques to put into place. But then I started to realize that the theory wasn't enough. Although all of it helped with changing my thoughts, I still wasn't able to be as social as I wanted to be. I still found myself as this really quiet guy and I wanted to change it. And then I moved to the front of the house of the restaurant. Went from a line cook to a host seating and interacting with guests. I was really enjoying the job, because I found myself becoming a bit more social and confident. This is also when I started to get into partying. I'm a huge introvert, but for some reason I really enjoyed parties. I'm not Mr. Popular but I had that one friend from elementary school who introduced me to other people who party a lot. We would party almost every weekend. House parties, hotel parties, mansion parties, hall parties, whatever it is we were always trying to find the next party every weekend. One thing I liked about it was the confidence that the alcohol gives you. It was really easy for me to hook up with a girl. I mean I didn't get laid but it was close with several girls and we just made out in a bed. Ended up going on one date with one of the girls that I met. This was the first date that I ever went on in my life at 18 years old, and it just didn't go well probably because I wasn't that interesting.
Then one day at work, I sat down a familiar face from highschool. He recognized me from somewhere and I recoginized him from school. We chatted then he invited me to an event saturday morning. Not sure what it was but I had to wear a suit. Yeah, it was an MLM meeting. He was a speaker at the event and I thought this was an amazing opportunity. Was skeptical at first though after talking to a couple of the people I know about it. But then I got involved. Worked my best at it, spending tons of money going to these events, it was a grind, it was fun, met a lot of people, and developed myself a whole lot. This is when I started to get more involved with personal development. Started meditating, reading books on how to make money, watching videos, etc. After going through my entire facebook friends list, I didn't know who else I could recruit. So I got into this thing we called "Cold Marketing." Where you would cold-approach a prospect and invite him/her to a meeting. At first I wasn't the best at it, hesitated a lot, but with consistency, I got really comfortable with it to a point where I would approach without hesistation and the way I approached them made it seem like I knew them beforehand. So I started a small 'cold approach' group within the MLM team we had, and we would approach every day. We had goals for the day, and it just felt like my confidence was at an all time high. Then the group we had eventually died out, and eventually I started to get bored of the MLM life. Still went to the meetings, but I looked into other things on the side. I found out about pickup, watched a lot of SimplePickup on youtube where guys would cold-approach women and get their number. And I found about RSD as well on youtube. Also found out that there was an RSD member coming to my area to do a seminar. So I attended, knew no one, but out of nowhere I actually bumped into someone I
knew from the MLM company that I was involved with. He was out of the MLM company then but was really excited to see him there. After the meeting was over, we exchanged contact info, and we started to do pickup challenges together. Did pickup for a year, the theory really got to me and didn't do as well as I wanted to. Gained a lot of confidence but it felt like doing pickup isn't the best for me psychologically. Especially with the people that you constantly surround yourself with, its all just pure ego. Others judging others, insecurity, manipulation, etc. And once I got out of pickup, I still had my confidence, but it felt like I had a TON more demons inside of me that I had to deal with. I felt like a complete narcissist. I was aware of it, but it just felt like I wasn't able to control it. It kind of would just happen. Working at a job would help me become aware of it. Since I'm interacting with so many people, I would notice myself saying or doing things that would make them react in a way that hates who I am. And I don't like when that happens so it gets me to try and change myself. I started to meditate more and become aware of who I am. Then I got rid of my narcissistic behaviour. Days gone by, working at a new restaurant, new environment. Been here for a year and wasn't liking it. It was the busiest restaurant in my city and it felt like I was stressed out every day. I would be scheduled 6+ shifts a week and each shift would be 8+ hours with a little 15 minute break. I also had another girl I had a huge crush on who had a boyfriend. She seems like she was into me as well but who knows. The boyfriend part just ruined me. Working here was hell the last few days. Felt like I was falling into depression and I had to give up the job. This was when it felt like I was going through a quarter-life crisis. I left the job, constantly thinking about this crush that I had and stayed at home all day playing video games. For a whole month that was my life. Fortunately enough I was still consistent with the gym but wasn't going at it as hard. But this phase in my life, I was always thinking, would I ever get out of it? Going to end it off here because I gotta sleep.
Will update next time.
 

 


"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

 

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