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Cepzeu

Post-Project Depression and Spirituality

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I've recently been hit hard with what I now understand is called post-project depression: The feeling of sadness or emptiness upon the completion of a big project or goal.

Two years ago I planned on studying medicine, to which entry is highly competitive. I didn't get in on the first try (which was the catalyst for me to begin studying self-development and bettering myself, so I don't wholly regret this event). Now, after completing a degree and sacrificing my time and energy to study I was accepted into 3 different schools. But what I experience now is a slight depressive state. My mind is planning things out for the next 10 years, what I will study and where I will work, it's analysing whether the school I picked is right, and coming up with a bunch of different scenarios of what the future holds. 

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope? 

The reason I mention spirituality is that I noticed a strong feeling of emptiness a day after I got the acceptance offer. It felt like my identity of "the guy who didn't get in first time, pursued it further and grew himself" is in a way shattered at the point of getting in. I have heard this mentioned before, where the journey to the goal is what creates the drive and feeling of meaning, and once the goal is achieved a hole in the ego opens up. Often the case with those pursuing PhD's after they submit their thesis, built from many years of work.

Does the accomplishment of the goal remind us subconsciously that all meaning is arbitrary and created to conceal the absolute? Am I thinking too deeply into this? 

What is your experience when you accomplished a big goal in your life?

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In my country there is an entrance exam to get admitted to a university. When I was 18, I passed this exam with a very high score and afterwards fell in a huge emptiness. Emptiness emerged at the second I saw online that I got admitted with a high score. Instantly. This led me to depression and worsened OCD and for years I started to contrive absurd missions for myself to accomplish and they those missions were not related to my education. Actually I started to neglect my lessons and focused on those missions. The result was going to a psychotherapist after 8 years.

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