Making change while being stuck.

[spicy_pickles]

I’ve been trying really hard to focus on ME and self improvement while I get shit lined up in my own life. I’m in a relationship that is unfulfilling and stagnant where I’m not at all appreciated for who I am, but instead, how I can contribute to my partner’s world (which I have realized over the past few years is completely insane). This is not a relationship for me, and is not how I’m willing to spend the rest of my life.

i do feel like a failure for not up and leaving instantly, but I need to work on my self esteem, my financial independence, etc. I can say I’ve had success, just focusing on me and kind of “blocking” out everything else. The more I practice this, the more I see how incredibly insane the whole situation is. 

The problem sometimes is being present while everything around me is making me want to scream. It’s like I’m stuck. I am working towards an end result (personal development and whatnot) but still feel so stuck. 

Packing up and leaving tomorrow is not an option at all. I’ve determined that. Packing up and leaving in 3 - 6 months certainly is. Making that life change is inevitable, scary yet exciting. Leaving the mess behind just gives me such a revitalized feeling. I’m even able to let go of guilty feelings and “what if’s” that previously consumed my life when I mentally made this decision to eventually move on. 

I just don’t know if there’s anything I can do now. I feel like I am getting better, but then have a setback (thinking I’m not doing enough) and letting old emotions creep back in. For example, why do I still care so much to impress my partners children and family?  I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t at all. I should be using that energy to focus on impressing myself. 

[supremeyingyang]

Spicy, I feel you. You are at a point where you have to let develop yourself. Where you have to let go of changing it now and - instead change something over months or years. This is usually very hurtfull. I get it. Been there for years, but now I know everything had to be like this to make me wanto to actualize.. Sad but true.

I recommend that you read about Wu Wei. After that you choose situations you want to remove or change to the better in 2 years. You will get a sense of opportunities... ask if you have any questions...

Why is your Partners World insane?

SYY

[spicy_pickles]

Thanks, I’m rather interested in that concept after briefly researching it. 

I guess it makes sense. I used external influence to push me. I considered myself wrong because individuals told me I need to implement my plan immediately. That went against what I felt was right and did not have what I needed in place to do that. It was action action action. Even recently I found myself upset because I don’t have enough money saved to implement this transition. 

I guess there are still things I feel as though I need to do. I need to work on my health (exercise, proper eating). I need to stop using booze as a crutch. I need to stop worrying so much about making my partners family happy (why that still matters to me I have no idea). I need to work on self esteem and self love. I feel like I need to do something in order for all these to happen. 

As far as the relationship goes, I won’t get into details here, but for the most part, there’s potentially a personality disorder on his end, his inability to move on from the past as well as lack of contribution to making this relationship work. So, I’m expected to always be there to meet his needs and wants, yet he refuses to do his part saying I do not come first in his life, he’s had such a terrible past, etc. 

[supremeyingyang]

Talk to him about that. Maybe he'll change over time. If you move (if u rly want to) on, then he has the chance to self actualize too. Realise that you make this relationship posible.

give yourself time to grow:)

 

[spicy_pickles]

I have talked to him for the past 8 years. There is no change, just regression. I have given up and do not want that life anymore. I could go into more detail, but ill just leave it at - I do not want this in the future. 

What happens though when you are faced with people who treat you not so nicely?  Gang up on you?  For example, when his family gathers and pushes me away?  After all I’ve done for all of them...and I get that treatment. It is what it is. How do I use this process to get through it?

Edited December 6, 2017 by spicy_pickles

[supremeyingyang]

6 hours ago, spicy_pickles said:

After all I’ve done for all of them...and I get that treatment. It is what it is. How do I use this process to get through it?

You have to make this decision for yourself. Peace.

Edited December 6, 2017 by supremeyingyang

[spicy_pickles]

That’s the thing. I don’t know how to face a situation like this. In the past I got anxious, upset, furious, etc. 

I’m stuck here for awhile while I make my way out. I’m going to be faced with these things. I don’t want them to affect me, but I let them. And I can’t stop it. 

I wish I could flick a switch that just turns off my “give a fuck” button. Because I know this isn’t my future, it’s just temporary. But it still sucks being stuck in it.