My Current Struggles

[Rachityczny]

Hey there,

I'm 18, from Poland. Bought Life Purpose Course 4 months ago. Currently at 60-ish video- its a-lot-of-questions assignement. I've got a goal for 16th January 2018 to do 300 hour(12 hours weekly) of Life Purpose work- vids, assignements, visualizations, affirmations, journaling. So far I,ve done 147 hours, where i should be around 200 hours- i missed 3,5 hours a week.

My master values:

1) Passion

2) Learning

3) Consciousness

4) Authenticity

5) Spirituality

6) Excellence

7) Wisdom

8) Intimacy

9) Vigor

10) Bond/Gratitude

(Top strengths in order: Curiosity, hope/optimism, love of learning, zest, honesty. And i didn't do daily master values review- was following it for around 2 weeks)

My rough idea for life purpose: hammer self-help, fulfill curiosity, and when having decent knowledge and experience in the field- do coaching.

And I feel a lot of struggle and indecisiveness right now. 

My gains in life purpose recently has been very poor. So i decided to become results-maker in November (i know it needs more time, but wanted this month to be a foundation): created a set of 12 mostly easy habits (cleaning, talking with family, journaling, 60 minutes of true life purpose course, affirmations etc. ) to get shit done. This gives me some gains, but i'm afraid it's just a way to run from real life purpose course. 

I'm addicted to gaming youtube. I spend 60-90 minutes everyday on this unconscious stuff.

I'm proud of my affirmations habit. I'm doing it for 2 months. These are:

"I am creator" 

"I am patient master" (doing it for 5 weeks or so).

And i'm implementing daily 20-minutes do-nothing meditation- missed one day in 2 weeks. 

I'm expierencing quite a lot of true improvement- more consciousness, thinking about my life, willingness to change, my youtube addiction is weaker. I fear failure less, and accept myself more (weekly Leo's acceptance visualization). But i also feel i really lack in these categories:

- no visualizing life purpose, targetting subconscious mind- i don't really see the value of life purpose, and It's hard for me to see myself being 100% sure and implementing my life purpose in 2/3/5 years

- a lot of victimhood

- lack of strategizing, long-term perspective

- no patience

- bad results-making

- low consciousness

( -no care for health)

 

Did you have similar struggles? What's the way out? Because i feel the only way to chane for better is emotional labor, holding my feet to the fire of reality. And that's a bullet hard to bite

[Nahm]

@Rachityczny why would you care about yourself and your health? That’s foundational to everything else you mentioned. For me it’s to live a long robust life, to have the energy to be the kind of dad, husband, employer, singer, writer, etc, that I want to be, and to be in expansion as consistently as possible. You? (Gotta start somewhere)

[Rachityczny]

@Nahm Health is foundational, for sure. But well, I`ve got an impression that are different ways to be energetic, for example a bold image of me succeding in my subconscious mind. Me not doing exercise and eating standard, which means unhealthy diet is clearly victimhood, no doubt about that. But there are other things in which I`m a victim, for example Youtube addiction or dabbling around different habits.

A year ago or so I just came to the conclusion I want to do all habits and change everything at once and just discarded health habits for that moment  just to have less things to choose from.  That`s a good thing to reconsider this decision now, because I won`t go bad with improving my health (I know it wasn`t bad then either).

It takes around a month to start to see some nice results from regular exercise, doesn`t it? I guess I will give it a try, maybe that`s a way out of this shenanigan- to put my time into exercising instead of youtube. And to feel more commited to the thing i will actually post my weekly plan. Unfortunately, during the next two weeks I will be out of home for 7 days- I hope I will be able to keep up with plan I will get

[Nahm]

@Rachityczny you got this.           A month?? You’ll start feeling better the very second you decide you’re going to change! Any little action in that direction is going to another, and another. You know.   You can exercise wherever you’re staying. ??

[Leo Gura]

@Rachityczny What is it that you're passionate about creating???

Nothing can happen without connecting to your passion.

[Rachityczny]

Well, hello there.

It`s been a while and I didn`t really anything with stuff I promised to do. I didn`t finish my LPC, I went through only a couple of videos. But a question of me being passionate was quite inspiring to me- I mean it wasn`t a lot bcs i don`t even remember any particular insights, but the memory about thinking about passion is quite positive.

The thing I`m currently working on is dealing with games addiction. Currently three weeks and feeling just in the middle of the process. I want to have nothing in common with video games in year 2018, get free of them. Instead of bad habit of playing, I`m introducing a powerful habit of learning (in May i`m writing "Matura" exam which determines in which university I can learn). I`ve watched "Overcoming addiction", "How to study" and "Bad habits". I don`t do any regular death contemplation or meditation, but anytime I feel the need to play i make an effort to stop for a while and think about my death.

When not playing, i start to not accept myself, get frustrated, blame myself for not working on my diet, exercise routine and especially relationships. I want to be with sb, and I`m quite desperate which is vicious cycle and generates bad results. Today i tried to make giving love visualization, which i didn`t manage to finish, but i see it`s a good way to go. I make an effort to use the principle of patience- my main goal is to get free of games, and I`m willing to focus and discard other goals until i feel completely okay and comfortable with the change.

 

PS: I know that the post isn`t  about career, but i wanted to keep the continuity, and the title of the topic is still relevant

Edited January 14, 2018 by Rachityczny
Wanted to add PS