Self Worth Problems

[haai14]

when im around people i lose my self in them, i cant have my self. Its like i just focus on the people and do whats "normal" i dont have sense of self.  What actions can i do to get my self worth and self assertiveness higher. Im doing affirmations, no fap, cold showers and solo walking. what else can i do to improve it.

[Sevi]

@haai14 not to have sense of self while doing things or  connecting with people and loose the self in others, is not about self worth; it's your capacity of selflessly giving. It's actually an extraordinary thing, but of course majority of people are under so strong egoic drive so you feel like, you are the weird one. It's the other way around.

The thing here, probably you are getting overwhelmed, drained or feeling exhausted after your interactions but still it's not related to self worth. 

While giving try to be fair to yourself. Meaning: when you give selflessly, naturally you are forgetting that you still have a self and you are responsible of its well-being, you need to give equally to yourself your own attention too, because otherwise even if others appreciate you, it won't be enough, you'll still need your own attention and own selfless giving (I know it sounds weird but) otherwise most likely you'll resent yourself and probably project it on external circumstances inadvertently.

Edited October 21, 2017 by Sevi

[haai14]

@sevi Its not that when i lose my self im giving, i just start acting what im not because if i keep my self we would have different oppinions and it would mean that i need to stand up for my oppinions and im scared of it. Its like i just throw my self away and listen to them and just answer what i find normal and not what i really think.

[Sevi]

Oh.. okay.. are you scared of their reaction? Or not to be fully accepted?

@haai14

Edited October 21, 2017 by Sevi

[haai14]

@Sevii dont know, im just really scared to show the real me, im allways fake to the point that i dont know how real me would react. I dont trust my judgments of me so if i get judged i will take that as me and not my oppinons. I whant to be completly detached from other people and just believe my taughts. I mean i wont be egoic and dont consider what others are saying. All i want is to be completly grounded in my self. And i need some actions to accomplishe it.

Edited October 21, 2017 by haai14

[Sevi]

I completely understand the challenge of showing real you. To acquire detachment and intimacy that is somehow very essential though. Because if you are not giving the essence of what real you is, to the other person, you are holding your biggest gift back in a sense. Can you not test the waters just a bit every single time to see what it causes, (in the interaction, in you)? and go just a bit further than that in every other next step, and if it feels like uncomforting at the moment, you can choose to step back to try later, which would be completely different than just giving an any random response.

And also, when you come across with a situation can you take some quiet time to access into your core-self to see and feel what you think about it and make a clear game plan of how much of it that you want to share and you really can share at that time?

Edited October 21, 2017 by Sevi