Journal Of A Journey

[DawnOfReality]

Hello y'all.

This will be my continuation and completion of my personal written diary. 

Why have I started one on the forum? Two main reasons:

1. Here, more than anywhere else, even on my personal written diary, I feel I can confide my personal affairs with no shame. Here everything is allowed when it comes to personal growth. This gives me more freedom to write stuff down and be honest with myself. 
2. I don't know if anyone will read this (if yes, you're welcome), but thinking that this is going to be open to the public forces me to be more comprehensive and try to explain things better to others, and above all, myself.

 

So I got the Life Purpose course and I am working hard on it. I am 20 and had a very strong identity crisis, felt lost in life, my studies in college seemed to match my interests no more... actually I still don't know what my "new" interests are. So I am searching, and making changes overall in my lifestyle. Always been part of the Personal Development geeks, definitely got better in certain aspects of life, but many others, still have to work on. 
 

[DawnOfReality]

30/09/2017 - Saturday VERY GOOD

Yesterday I decided to actually implement a daily routine, morning and evening. 

I have tried to do so at least a couple of times in the last 2 years. But I eventually quit, reason being, after an attentive overlook, that I lacked specific action. It would always be something like: 

"Tomorrow I will exercise and..."

So the day after, early in the morning, sleepy and groggy, I would have to exercise, with no exercise plan. So better find a plan and start tomorrow. Etc.

 

Now I set a plan. It is not the ultimate plan, but good for starting. Moreover, I am aiming at becoming an early riser. So I am starting with a nice and quiet morning routine, small steps, so that I can put in place my early wake-up habit.

 

MORNING ROUTINE:

• Exercise (30 minutes) (Not gonna write the whole plan down)
• Meditate (30 minutes)
• Revise day schedule
• Note on the sleep diary
• Shower

 

EVENING ROUTINE:

•  Revise English vocab. flashcards
• Write Journal (how'd the day go and IDEAS to work on)
• Write next day's schedule down
• Read (if time is left)

 

Today I accomplished successfully the morning routine and started this Journal as my evening one. Free day tomorrow, so I don't have to make a plan yet. I'll work on my Life Purpose. Have to find out whether those goddamn values are truly mine or not. 
i can't fully connect with the ones I wrote down. I worked hard, but I don't really understand what I want to do in my life. Have actually no idea. If prior ideas were not completely mine, rather something I gathered from my surroundings, now that I have understood that that path might not be authentically mine (despite still liking it somewhat), I don't know where to go.

At least, I got the guts to tell my parents I am going on my own path, and that I am ready to make big changes, a thing they would not have expected from me, as they thought what I was doing was truly what I loved doing. How to blame them, I thought that too...

[DawnOfReality]

02/10/2017 - Monday

Yesterday has been a pretty relaxed day. Friends coming up to have a party for my bro's BD. So could not find the time to update this. Nothing important happened. Morning routine DONE. Evening, not been able to.

TODAY

Morning routine DONE;

Evening routine DONE

I am feeling hard to put the evening routine in place. I am always half asleep at this time. And I go to bed early as I gotta wake up early. 

It felt like my plan for the morning was not clear enough. I needed a real workout plan, for a beginner, but that was complete and would require 30 mins. So as I got back from Uni, I started to look up and wrote it down. I am feeling excited to take action on it. I'll definitely have more energy and my body will feel better and nicer in the days to come. 

I am way too obsessed with my clothing. Most of my pieces are over-sized and I am always trying to make it fit perfectly to look good and elegant. But that can't work perfectly as they are not meant for my kind of body. 
I should take them to a tailor or just live with it and improve my closet buying clothes that actually fit. 

First day of Uni. I gotta talk with Prf. Paolo. Tell him about me not being inspired in keeping up on this track. I either need to find some inspiration by talking to someone or reading some books, or just take a break and use that time to explore a bit.

*I am feeling kinda dissatisfied with what I am writing right now. It feels like I am forcing it to write something; like if I am writing this to somebody.*

I need to schedule my time giving LP course my priority. Every day at least 2 hours a day. This work is my primary concern this semester. 

 

I'll try to keep it going for some days, maybe is just the change of medium that bothers me a bit. I must get used to keeping a digital journal. Paper still there if it does not look like I'll feel better about it.

[DawnOfReality]

03/10/2017 - EXCELLENT

Today was brilliant. 

New workout, Amazing! Could not get to the end, but this will keep me busy for a while, the time my body will need to keep up with it. So now my morning routine is set. Just gotta keep it up and I am on the way to build a deep grounded healthy habit. 

Creativity in dressing: I thought about a possible combination that looked great in my mind's eye, something I would never ever come up with. Pull it off and it was terrific. Felt comfortable with myself, neat and clean. That boosted my confidence and gave me satisfaction since I am not a creative guy and this was definitely a creativity flash.

And day went pretty smooth. Had fun with my fellows in Uni and also studied a bit. As I got back home, I worked on my Life Purpose for 2 hours straight in full concentration. Almost done refining my values. In some days I'll be able to keep going with it.

THOUGHTS:

• Too much self-concern. I am always worrying about my look. I mean, I am definitely improving but it is sometimes a very obsessive way of doing. I am noticing it strongly.
• STYLE PINPOINT: clothing that fits is the ultimate solution. 
• LIFE PURPOSE AND PERSPECTIVE: I am very much concerned with how people are taught stuff. The way of teaching these days is spoiling the natural potential of all human beings. As an IMPACT IDEA I would like to contribute to the rise of a new type of education based around personal development (first thing first, learning how to learn) and spirituality (meditation especially) to boost the natural abilities of the individuals. This way people would get much more involved in the subject, with higher efficiency and quality results without getting alienated by constraints of society and without the pressure of studying for marks. 
• I find very noble the act of teaching and I value (possible new authentic VALUE?!) very much effective ways of teaching that aim more to the comprehension, in depth, of a concept rather than mere lists of data. I still can't figure out whether I value simplicity or being rigorous in teaching. Is it possible to make both? How should it be done? 
• EXPLORATION PROCESS: I am feeling lost. Having started University again, my interest has risen quite a bit, whereas I thought I was a lost cause just few days ago. I need to figure out if it would be helpful to keep studying while pursuing my true life purpose alongside. Learning is still part of me, and Physics definitely represents a good field of potential research on personal development. My concern is that I might not be truly interested in the subjects themselves. And as for now, I don't feel like it is my path, although I find some things quite enterteining to study, and fun.
  My idea was to explore all values (and even some not in my top 10 but in which I could have an interest) by writing down a specific action so that I could gain some knowledge on that matter and see if it could interest me for real. 
• SIMPLICITY OF THE UNIVERSE: is the Universe simple to understand? Is rationality a good way to explore it? or it is just an illusion of knowledge? and if it is not, how can we get, by what means can we get to the core of it, to fully understand it? I don't think math is a solution. You don't experience it. That is why sometimes, despite loving it, it bothers me so much..
• PARETO PRINCIPLE: I can't afford to lose all my time on studies this semester. I must have at least a half-decent plan for next year ready by December. Cut the probably useless details and go for the big stuff, by fully understanding it. If you fully understand it, you are good to go. Those details can be gathered later if needed.

[DawnOfReality]

04/10/2017 - VERY GOOD

Slept not too well, woke up lil bit tired. 

MORNING ROUTINE: learnt new pieces of workout. Little to no meditation. I need a more consistent way of meditate. 
I'll use Leo's guided meditation from tomorrow for 2 weeks.

EVENING ROUTINE: choose tomorrow's outfit. Journal and think about what you have to do in the following days, and plan tomorrow.

I must keep working on myself along-side my studies. Need to balance the two and plan around the first one which is definitely more important atm.

Can't work on LP while commuting without distractions. Do LP work at home and during the journey study or revise notes. 

Plan 2 hours of studying daily and rest dedicate to yourself. 

On weekends plan a couple of hours to research stuff secondary stuff (more workouts ideas, body-care etc.) and work a consistent time on how to take effective notes and ways to learn better. 

SMALL STEPS TO FIX MY CURRENT CHANGES --> Routines and way of organizing my life-style.